I’ve seen too many people spend years “healing” with no real change.
Same habits. Same emotional loops. Still blaming their past.
At some point, it’s not healing—it’s just avoidance dressed up as growth.
I get that healing isn’t linear, but how long are we gonna keep using that as a crutch?
Sometimes it feels like people are addicted to the idea of healing more than actually moving on.
Anyone else noticing this pattern, or am I just a cold-hearted realist?
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Agreed.
It’s just time spent convincing themselves that they weren’t in any way a problem that contributed to the demise of a previous relationship.
You always have the option to leave; stop with the bullshit excuses.
seems like you have no idea what it means to suffer from these kinds of emotional pains that take years to heal.
I can agree. That EXCUSE has become annoying asf.
Closure is an illusion. People who “need closure” either get the answer they don’t want to hear or don’t get an answer at all so they stay fixated on it. We all process things differently and we all have a right to take time to heal but I find that most people use it as a way to get pity or like you said use it as a crutch.
Not every trauma can be healed. A lot of it is management.
This is why I don’t go to conventional therapy. I go to communication courses that teach self responsibility and accountability. So what if I have trauma? I still have a choice on how I act… how I respond to others.
For example one of the things the course taught me is that apologies are for the other person and they do not have to accept my apology. Apologising over and over makes it about me, not them, and harasses them into saying “it’s ok” when it may not be.
If growth is about moving on, I need to break the cycle of my toxic behaviours that I learned in response to abuse rather than becoming someone who (even accidentally) harms others. When I hurt someone’s feelings, I need to not make it about me (which I used to do) and instead listen to them, which was a very difficult skill to learn.
wrong. healing is specific to the person itself. if it works, you cannot object.
You are so right..its ridiculous..we are in the ” take care of me ” generation..with the favorite word being ” trauma.”
Yup this a bad take
It’s hard to change out of habits when you can’t pinpoint what’s the exact root of it.
You might try to lose weight while having depression, it’s hard to get out of bed and you can’t understand what you need to do while the same manuals and work out tips bombard your feed. You understand the assignment, you just can’t process the steps to get to your goal.
I’m not defending the people using it as an excuse, I’m defending the people who truly can’t understand how to heal due to their broken past. Therapy might not be an option for them since they’re broke, venting through artwork is confusing to them since “why”, and their friends might be fed up with their “excuses”.
there’s multiple sides to this argument, it matters on the person themself and if they have a history of using excuses and manipulation. Sometimes they’re trying their best to heal but it’s too hard, sometimes; they’re not.
So it’s not healing you’re calling out – you’re calling out stagnation and blatant falsehoods. No shit those are bad
Well to be fair you don’t always see what kinds of changes and improvements people have made even in their own homes,
Like with physical trauma, sometimes you’ll be on crutches for the rest of your life, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re crutches. You’re meant to get off of them if you can. People have become comfortable with their crutch these days, and then never do the work to heal because it’s easier to just forever rely on the crutch.
Healing can take a long time. Ive been in therapy for years. Ive gotten better at some things and not others. Just because its not fast enough for some people doesnt mean shit.
Cold-hearted, yes. Realist, no. This is an ignorant take.
I mean, if they aren’t doing anything different, then they aren’t healing.
I agree that saying you’re just healing and then doing nothing to better yourself is a very annoying excuse. Nobody gets better simply by existing.
Idk. I wasn’t dealt the best hand since day 1. Trauma is rough on a developing brain. If most people could get over it and move on, they would. They aren’t addicted to healing. They are dying to get better. I try to hang onto hope of healing. I say every day, “When i get better ill…” but it never happens. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years. Every day is the same.
My habits have changed, but not for the better bc, unfortunately, the hits kept coming. I’ve accepted at this point that it’s very unlikely ill join the healing crowd. Sometimes, there isn’t much you can do except accept things for what they are and try to make the best of your life.
I promise you, though, almost no one stays broken because they enjoy it. I’m the admin of a large mental health group, and 99% of the posts are people desperate to find a solution for their debilitating symptoms. Mental health care is honestly a joke in this country, and most people never receive any real quality care.
What are you even talking about. And why would someone else’s path or habits or the whole spectrum of one’s personal life that’s none of your business bother you so much that you take to Reddit to whine.
What ends up happening is that people repeat the same healing process over and over, and they don’t actually see any improvement.
It always leads back to the same cycle—because they’re afraid to change. Afraid to switch things up. Afraid to face the reality that they might need to do something different if they actually want to move forward.
Yeah, it’s a touchy subject. But sometimes reality has to hit hard, because that’s how people wake up. If they stay wrapped in comfort and constantly regress, they’re never going to grow.
I think the problem is that most people are so used to hearing the sugarcoated version. They expect everyone to say stuff like, “There, there. Everything will be fine. Everything happens for a reason.”
But if they don’t take real action, they’re going to stay stuck in the same loop—just calling it “healing.”
https://youtube.com/shorts/TBY42SKrxdc?si=hPo6bPm3zF3mUlhc
Forgive me if links are not allowed, but this kind of summarizes what’s been said for my perspective, perhaps in a more direct manner
I have seen this pattern and sometimes I feel like I am also in this loop, using this as an excuse not to do any work, exercise etc etc because I am sad, but other times I am actually very very sad. It is so confusing state to be honest.
The thing is, just like with grief, you never really heal. It gets better everyday yes. But it doesnt ever fully go away.
Also you aint a realist. You an imaginative dumdum.
Good job GPT. You are what you do. Healing doesn’t mean anything like love doesn’t mean anything without the real actions that come with it. End of story. Doesn’t get more real than that.
Anytime I hear a buzzword I assume the person is just using it as conversational fluff.
You can be in a state of healing for your whole life. It doesn’t have limits.
You as the friend/family/support person have the right to stop waiting for someone but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still healing.
>or am I just a cold-hearted realist
Other options exist. You could be wrong.
Those people are called liars. Just saying you’re healing is not actually doing it, that doesn’t mean that someone talking about healing themselves is automatically bullshit. I am 100% a different person now than I was 5-8 years ago. It takes time and sometimes it is incremental change and it isn’t always positive. Don’t go automatically shitting on people because it’s not moving fast enough for you. Sometimes people are just straight up lying for sure but to blanket the whole thing and say it’s all bullshit is ignorant and shitty.
Trauma impacts people in many impervious ways, and healing isn’t always on a predictable timeline. Progress isn’t always measurable or out in the open either, some of my personal experiences led to healing that was invisible to anyone I didn’t share my traumas with because I mask things well to function out in the world. For example, if anyone met me they wouldn’t know I used to be terrified of men because I hid it well. I didn’t show anyone I was afraid, but now my internal world reflects the way I’ve had to behave to function in my daily life, and I’ve always been outwardly polite to men but now it’s not out of fear it’s because I’m no longer as afraid. On the outside, it all looks the same. Some trauma can only be managed, and in those cases progress is simply being able to survive so progress isn’t visible unless you’re aware of the individual’s internal struggles.
I’ve changed so much in my life. When I look back, I can see all the mistakes I made, all the obstacles I faced, and all the times I could’ve gone farther—but I held myself back.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t change anything, because all of it led to who I am today.
I asked this question because it made me wonder—where are people now, and what are they doing about it? I see so many people being overly critical of themselves, and that ends up holding them back. But the more we hold ourselves back, the less we’re able to push forward—and that only makes growth harder.
I understand there are different kinds of trauma. I understand there are different ways people approach healing. And I get that everyone has their own definition of what it means to heal.
But there’s only so much reflection you can do before you need to act.
I also want to thank everyone here for sharing their opinions and stories. I’m learning a lot from each and every one of you—your experiences, your advice, your perspectives.
And yes, I get that what I said might’ve come across as harsh, or maybe even kind of an asshole thing to say—but sometimes the truth has to hit that way. Some people need that jolt to realize they’ve stopped moving.
I really do appreciate the people who agreed, the people who disagreed, and especially the people who opened up and shared their own healing journeys.
All I was trying to say is that when people say they’re healing but aren’t making any changes, it’s like being stuck in traffic on a busy highway. You’re not going anywhere. But the moment the traffic starts moving, even slowly—that’s when change happens.
That’s all I meant.
Thanks again to everyone for the conversation. Seriously.
Take my upvote, OP! This is truly an unpopular opinion.
You don’t know what everyone is thinking in their heads. Sometimes, we often hear people’s struggles a lot bc ya know they’re going through it. Our struggles tend to feel bigger than actual solutions and growth and all the steps needed to be taken in order to heal.
But we don’t often hear the big changes and improvements that no one but them sees. Those alone can be hard to celebrate but you’d be surprised what it takes for people to heal and they don’t bring that up all the time. Which is okay bc that’s their journey anyway.
I wouldn’t say people are used to the idea of healing and not putting it into practice but more like they’re used to being on survival mode and what’s familiar, despite how difficult.
We don’t know the degree of everyone’s struggles. Sometimes, we make healing as something ‘grand’ and ‘completely transformative’ and all aesthetically pleasing social media portrays it to be.
No, it’s messy. It’s the ugly crying and whatever decisions your emotions drive you to do that is unacceptable and unhealthy and facing the consequences of your actions. It’s ‘how much more can I take now at this point that it’s time to actually make changes?’
If people avoid their emotions or improving their health or whatever struggle it may be, then they’re not healing. They’re prolonging it.
It’s best to take a step back and let people mess up with their lives if their support system has done all that they could and/or let people heal in a way that makes sense for them—whether it’s the easy way or hard way.
ChatGPT has become an excuse to stop developing your writing skills.