There’s a whole story behind this and it’s been ongoing, nasty and downright upsetting. However, now I’m about to go into labour and I’ve not heard anything whatsoever from his parents (neither has my husband). In fact they have just been nasty and complained that we are distant. No support, no kind words of encouragement, not even one message to check how I am or how my husband is. I am wondering how do we or do we at all announce the birth of their grandson?
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It’s a long one but need to get it off my chest as it’s eating me up, 2 weeks ago
MIL has made my pregnancy and life way more stressful than it needs to be, 2 months ago
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Drop the rope here and now, it will save you from a lot of disappointment and hurt. Why bother announcing if they show no interest.
Personally I wouldn’t tell them a damn thing.
Not when you go into labor, and not when he is born.
I’m sure it hurts your feelings that they seemingly don’t care enough to even reach out, but take the win and enjoy the peace and quiet without them in your life
No you don’t announce anything. You don’t owe them that.
count your blessings. They will leave you alone until they don’t want to and then you will not be able to get rid of them. Have a plan to handle them.
Why are you worried about them? Sorry not to be harsh but they clearly are not worried about you two. Return the energy they can find out from other family members or other social medias like everyone else
Don’t worry, drop the rope. Anyone asks “(Sigh) It’s difficult to remain in touch with people who cannot be civil.” then move on to a happier topic.
It depends on what you know about your in-laws. Do you think they are waiting for you to chase them? Do they expect you both to be the ones upholding a relationship with them out of entitlement? Or are they just busy with their own lives and neglectful of their adult children?
Either way, with what you know of them, you need to ask yourself:
If they never change, what kind of relationship do I want to have with them?
If we don’t announce to them, how are they going to react given the patterns of their behaviors?
Does my husband accept the reality of his parents as people, or is he holding onto hope they will show up in the way he desperately wants them to?
Then from there, you decide what you want and need. Personally, I say block their numbers and let your husband tell them if he wants. Set boundaries with him over if/ when his parents can meet the baby and what boundaries will be put in place. They don’t get a relationship with just the baby, they need to make an effort with both parents.
In my country we sned out birthcards.
Send them one.
I just read your previous posts.
Expecting anything to change is a waste of effort. Any changes will be superficial and to gain access to the baby.
It’s time for DH to answer the hard question: why does he want a relationship with his parents?
I’d suggest that if he wants to be around them he can. You don’t have to be and unless they demonstrate a willingness to treat you correctly – not warmly, just merely polite and not abusive.
As for the baby, they need to earn the right to be around LO.
Why would you worry about this? Be thankful there’s no contact.
Put the same amount of energy into announcing it as they have in keeping up with you.
Stop caring, exactly the same they’re doing. When your kid is born and they go mental and demand and push etc, ignore them, you have them as an example.
Announce away let them find out same time or later than everyone else
I would count this as a blessing. Why would you want contact with horrible abusive people.
My DH had already cut contact with his parents when I met him. They were financially abusive. He cut contact with his sisters not long after. I never missed them. My children never missed them. Family are people who care not people who abuse you
They are horrible, you should be thankful they are not reaching you guys lol believe it’s better for you, no drama with mil showing up at the hospital, not her making your pp hell. They can find out when everybody does, maybe through social media.
It sounds like they are doing a silent treatment at you in the time that you need them most. I’d take this as a sign to even be more distant to them. Ignore them and you’ll see how they burn in rage because they can’t gain your reaction. Oh don’t forget that if in the time you need the most and they are not there, when they need to see their grandchild, they won’t have that right either
You really don’t need to worry about that. He can do that. Stop worrying about facilitating them, start prioritising yourself because that’s how you keep yourself strong to look after your child. They are his parents, let him navigate that.
Based on your post history, why would you be upset about not hearing from those people? That sounds like something worth celebrating.
You don’t tell them. You are better off without them in your childs life.
The trash took itself out. I would not announce it. They will find out eventually and then you can reassess the situation depending on their reaction
They don’t deserve to know
You answered your own question.
Don’t bother to tell them directly.
Announce the birth however you like with no thought of them.
Also it is up to your husband as they are his parents not yours.
Organise your life for your new little one and forget them.
You don’t. Drop the rope. You will always be their scapegoat and they will never be satisfied with the relationship they have with your husband and LO. They chose not to come to your baby shower and instead spent that weekend with their golden child where mil claimed to be having the best time of her life. Once your baby is here they will really kick off with some serious nonsense and I bet try to simply bring bil with them to meet baby and force your husband to forgive/forget.
Nah this is a blessing in disguise. You don’t want their bs ruining your parenting journey and making your postpartum hell. Protect your peace and congratulations on your LO.
You don’t do anything. You drop the rope and leave everything on them. If they want to reach out they will but at that point do you really even want anything to do with them? They have shown you who they are and how much they care. So just don’t engage, they will find out about the birth eventually.
Let them find out with everyone else – via a social media post, email, card, whatever you choose to do for your general friends list. Why should they get something special when they treat you like crap?
Here I am, 40+1 and a bit annoyed that all parties call every day 😂
Meaning: inlaws, mom, dad, aunt.
I’m very sorry, but this post gave me some positive perspective that its still annoying but to also be grateful.
Good luck with the last leg! And it’s totally up to you and your partner how and when you announce the birth. You might want to settle in a few days after birth and no one can stop you from doing that.
Don’t bother announcing the birth. Make sure your husband’s aware you’re about to go into labor, and then let them find out through social media or a distant relative if they care enough. You’ve got more important things to focus on right now, like the baby.
It’s hard to let go of the ideal we envision. And it’s sometimes like grieving for a relationship lost.
Your kiddo will be just fine with you, hubby and your chosen family.
I’d say take some time to feel your feelings of disappointment and then let go of the rope and the idea that somehow it’s going to shift with those people specifically.
You are in the wrong sub i think. You should celebrate this, not be upset.
Why bother? They’ve already shown what they think of you. Save the announcement for people who actually care, the rest can find out through the grapevine. Your energy belongs with your baby and partner, not those who treat you like an afterthought.