I’ll skip the pronouns – we already know the answer.
I feel like a total failure as a parent.
FWIW, as background:
I started working at age 11 as a babysitter. I worked throughout high school and college to better my station in life. I currently work as a union Fed employee (at least as of today or until I am RIF’d- as every day is a sh!tshow). Our kid is in college – super smart and working toward an engineering degree.
During our kid’s years high school (lots during the pandemic), there were declarations of how “great” things were, until the next administration took office.
Fast forward to now: this kid has no problem with all of the illegal (or as more delicate folks say “unlawful”) things that this POTUS / administration is doing.
Our 529 is now exhausted and I feel so done working my tail off to get this kid through his next 2 years of college (this is in the US).
So…. I don’t even know the question at this moment.
As a recap: I am just so tired from working and I feel that I failed the next generation via my own kid. A few years ago, a very good friend advised we support our kid to provide a different path, but it never happened.
I am at a loss.
Any and all suggestions are most welcome.
Comments
You didn’t fail, you raised a smart, independent thinker, even if you don’t agree with where they’ve landed politically. That disconnect is painful, but it doesn’t erase all the love, sacrifice, and values you’ve poured into them. This stage is hard, but it’s not the final chapter. Give yourself credit, you’re tired, not a failure. 💛
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Did you teach your son civics? Did you give him an appreciation for what the constitution is, how the government works, what checks and balances are? And more importantly, why these things are important?
If you did all that, and he still wound up going MAGA, you can take pride in the fact you did nothing wrong, and one day he may still think back to these important life lessons and realize he made a grave mistake in his youth by supporting that movement.
If you didn’t do these things, meaning have these nuanced conversations about the political system and governance with him when he was growing up, you have nobody but yourself to blame for the way he turned out. Sadly our failing education system can no longer be counted on to teach civics properly to our children.
Statistically most people’s kids voted red, right?
Hey there! First off, let’s just take a moment to appreciate that you started working at age 11. I mean, I barely knew how to tie my shoes at that age, and you were out there babysitting like a mini CEO!
You should feel accomplished that you raised your kid to be an independent thinking and be confident enough to openly express views that may be different than your own.
Why do you feel like a failure? Do you feel like their views are wrong? Part of growing up is finding your own values, not becoming a copy of your parents.
I’m 29 and I went through a MAGA-adjacent phase when I was in college. I’d gone down the rabbit hole of an algorithm that preys on young men’s insecurities and also made a close friend who was further down this rabbit hole than I had gone. I grew out of it when I had some epiphanies and realized that MAGA and the manosphere were tailor-made for resentful and insecure people and promoted nothing but hate and evil.
I’m not sure what to suggest, but in my case, it took a critical look at the rabbit hole I’d gone down and the personalities I’d gotten to know — it finally dawned on me that these people are narrow-minded, bitter and angry.
Whatever you do decide to do; just don’t turn your back on him.
Even if you despise what he believes in he’s still you’re child.
He may truly just believe in Right Wing Populist ideals; but in my experience a lot of younger folks who joined up with the MAGA movement ended up there for very specific reasons (like 1 or 2 specific things that the Right supports and the Left either doesn’t care about or actively supports the opposite).
Take Title 9 Administrative Hearings in Universities; just as an example. Lotta younger millennials and zoomers really felt like how those were handled was extremely unfair; honestly borderline dystopian IMO (and I’m a Progressive). But bringing that up to your average Left-Leaning person generally just got you called an “Incel, Fascist, Nazi” etc.
A lot of people are also uneducated on how things work with the Undocumented; and don’t understand that they do in fact actually pay taxes and into programs like Social Security despite never being able to access them. Some people have a Black and White view of Laws; pretty much if you crossed illegally you violated the law and no matter how long you’ve been here or what you’ve done to improve society; it’s all just fruit of the poisonous tree. I have friends who are Undocumented; and I have friends who are planning to join ICE 🤷🏽♂️. Just like I have friends who are former IDF and friends who are Palestinian Refugees.
Don’t know your son; best bet is to keep an open line of communication and if you think you know your politics go ahead and pushback against what he says in a calm and logical manner being careful not to let the situation become volatile or emotional.
Check out the Conspirituality podcast and listen the two part episode called How to Talk to Your Son About Fascism
Is this post for real or just for bait? If it is genuine I feel sorry for a kid with such a disgusting parent.
I raised my nephew from age 8-12, then his dad got it together. The other side of my nephew’s family were proto magas. He would spout such nonsense. Then at around 20, he started to hear himself and he started calling me a lot more. I don’t know what will happen, but I’m really glad I stuck with it. Today. He’s only 22, now.
I choose to believe in both of our better angels.
-Awkward internet stranger hug from a fellow Gen X
Have you considered that this is maybe about more than politics?
Let me tell you my story. I was a bit of a late bloomer in life and relationships which really affected my self-esteem and how I viewed myself. As a resort i got into conservative politics and punching down at groups like those in poverty.
Fast forward to 2009 I get into my first relationship it ended in 2010 and I spiraled further into a depression that I was already in. MAGA and the alt right weren’t really things yet but I did get into toxic garbage like general right wing crap and the pick up artist community.
I slowly start heading out of my depression but the core issues weren’t quite resolved. Intense started getting into ppl like Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro etc thanks to YouTube and algorithms. It took a little to pull myself out and it didn’t happen overnight.
I would’ve probably fallen harder if I was a few years younger. There’s probably something deeper going on and the algorithms target young ppl with ruthless precision
Australian here. So kinda spectators on the outside but I think trump and all his bullshit is crazy. My brother on the other hand is all for him. Don’t know how to help other to say it’s embarrassing for your country to have elected this fool. Usa used to lead the world in everything. Now other countries are looking elsewhere.
Don’t worry about your son or daughter’s political views. That can change throughout life. Just concentrate on helping him/her become financially independent.