I (27F) and my boyfriend (29M) have been dating for 18 months. Mostly all good but things have been more difficult lately. I just feel like I’m not getting what I need emotionally and that he doesn’t put his fair share of effort into things. I fully admit I can be dramatic, sometimes small things ruin my day, I’ve got some serious abandonment and self worth issues. I’ve gone to therapy for years and actually really been able to take a lot away from it. I’m definitely in a better headspace and just overall a better person than I was 5 years ago but I’m not perfect and some days are really rough. I feel like this is hard for my boyfriend to understand or to understand me. The other problem is his family, they like me more than his ex but still I always feel like the odd one out, everybody’s always talking to each other and I’m just sitting listening. His sister and I get along great, his mother drives me batty and his dad just seems to not approve overall. A bunch of his family went out to dinner this past weekend and I had a few too many drinks and got into a disagreement with my boyfriend at the table at the end of dinner. I didn’t think I made quite a scene considering this all happened in the last 5 minutes of the night but everyone else did. It’s still being brought up a week later, apparently his dad wants to have a talk with him. My bf and I talked about it and he said he was worried from the start of the day that’d I’d drink to much and fuck up the night and that apparently he’s been thinking for a while now about bringing up me not drinking but didn’t wanna be an asshole and ask me not to drink when he drinks and his family drinks. I fully admit sometimes I do drink to much and I’ll get angry over nothing but it’s not like a weekly thing, it’s a maybe once a month thing. It don’t even drink very often the last 6 months but it’s just then when I do on the weekends sometimes I get carried away. After dinner that night when we got home my bf and I had a huge fight and we spent the next few days talking about our relationship he asked me to marry him (very casually and unplanned) and while I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, I feel like I’m at such a cross roads. It’s been three days and he still hasn’t told anybody despite us seeing his mother yesterday. An engagement is supposed to be a happy moment not one you can’t tell your family because you’re scared of what they will say and I feel terrible because it’s all my fault. Despite all of my positive days spent with his family, I get a little too drunk one night and I feel ostracized even though that’s a weekly occurrence in his family. I don’t want to break up with him I don’t think but just give back the ring and say can we wait. If he can’t tell people it’s definitely not the right time.
TL;DR I (27F) and bf (29M) have been having constant reoccurring issues, including with his family. I got drunk and a family dinner and was being too much and made a little “scene” at the end of dinner. BF and I fought more after and then talked it out sorta he proposed mid talking it out but hasn’t told his family and I feel like the asshole who just isn’t good enough.