I don’t know how to turn my trauma into anything good. It just feels like something that ruined me. I think I’m broken. Like deep down, I genuinely believe I need to belong to a guy like he has to own me or control me or something—for me to feel safe. Like only he can save me, and without that, I’m nothing.
I keep telling myself he knows what’s best for me more than I ever could. That he is what’s best for me. And I hate it. I hate how much I believe it
It’s like… I can’t even love myself unless a guy loves me first. And if he doesn’t, then I feel disgusting, worthless, like I don’t exist. I know that sounds so messed up. It is. And I’m so embarrassed by it. I feel pathetic.
But I don’t want to stay stuck like this. I want to change, I just don’t know how. How do I stop needing someone else to make me feel real? How do I stop thinking love has to come from outside of me?(ps im not talking about any specific guy its just in general”