I am very good friends with a couple who have an 11 year old son who is neurodivergent (auditory processing disorder, ADHD, autism). He is a great, unique kid who has some challenges that have been stressful lately for my friends. He takes medication to regulate his behavior, but he’s having a lot of trouble sleeping (for example, being awake for over 24 hours which is so hard given that they both work full time), the transition back to school has been rough, some progress he had made seems to have vanished.
My friends do a great job trying to help and manage him. They are so patient with him especially in social situations where I feel like other people can feel uncomfortable around him. I know they are stressed and have confided to me about how hard it is. I am more than happy to listen (sometimes they are venting, which is 100% understandable). I do my best not to offer advice. I’m wondering if there is some way, other than listening and being there for them, for me to help them. They’ve never asked for help but I feel like I could be doing something more? Or should I just continue to be there for them, listening and being a good friend.
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The most powerful thing you can offer is “village” energy. Show up, do a concrete task without making them manage you, and leave. A hot meal on the doorstep, mowing their lawn, taking out their trash cans. It sounds small, but it screams ‘you’re not alone’ louder than words ever could
honestly, you sound like a solid friend already. listening without judgment or unsolicited advice is huge, most people don’t even get that right.
Sometimes just being there, listening and understanding is enough, you just have to remind them they’re not carrying it all alone and that kind of consistent presence is way more valuable than you probably realize.
As others have said, it sounds like you’re doing great already! I’ll second that contributing where you can, be it meals, taking out trash, etc is also a massive help. Especially if they’re already stressed and likely very tired, even offering to watch him for a while so they can have some time to themselves or to rest (if all involved feel comfortable and prepared for this) could help a lot. Just little things that may not be directly related, but would help reduce the number of things they’re worrying about at the moment.
If you can, offering to run errands for them would probably be a big help.
I have a six year old that is similar to your friends.
Don’t offer to help them with their son directly, but offer them things that make their life easier. For example, we just went through a really challenging time with my daughter, and a friend paid to have our house cleaned.
Not saying you have to do THAT, but cook for them, or something similar? It all helps, truly.
And you’re a good friend for asking.
Does he do ABA therapy? That would really help him gain life skills. A friend of mine uses a company called Milestones’s behavioral care. I’ve seen their child progress so much…. Dealing with triggers. Communication. Socially. Ect… they work in school home and social settings. Dm if you want to chat
You are being a wonderful friend by sitting and listening and not passing judgement!
I have a son with PANS (which they actually might want to look into, a lot of similar symptoms as you are describing).
Some well-meaning but uninformed family and friends, suggested it was a phase, or hinted it was parenting style related, or more discipline needed). Which is incredibly hurtful and just invalidated the gravity of the situation and stress of what we were going through.
It is also helpful to research a little maybe to understand the symptoms and what they may be experiencing. But again. I think you are a great friend and it shows so much caring amd kindness that you took the initiative to write this.
People don’t seem to understand how isolating parenting a child in struggle can be. We live in a blame the parent culture. Not only listening but treating the child as an individual holding no judgement on him or his parents is probably more supportive than you even know. I’m sure they appreciate you.