Every now and then, a story pops up on the internet that makes you want to close your laptop, walk into the woods, and never look back at society. We have seen some questionable parenting choices in our time, but one 18-year-old on Reddit just shared a situation so deeply unsettling that it has the entire internet reaching for the phone to call Child Protective Services. If you thought your mom was overbearing for checking your phone, wait until you hear about this “medical” suggestion.
The Original Poster (OP) is a high school senior living with her 34-year-old mom in a super remote rural area. Recently, her periods have gone from standard teenage annoyance to a total nightmare, involving unusually heavy bleeding and cramps that are basically debilitating. Being a responsible adult, she realized it was time for a trip to the gynecologist for a routine pelvic exam and to figure out why her body is currently staging a revolt.
Living an hour away from civilization and dealing with terrible insurance meant she needed her mom’s help with the drive and the co-pay. Most moms would be on the phone making an appointment before the daughter even finished her sentence. But instead of a professional medical clinic, this mom offered a solution that sounds like the beginning of a true crime documentary. She suggested her 50-year-old boyfriend do the exam.
Let’s just sit with that for a second. The boyfriend is a former gynecologist who had his license “yanked away.” We don’t know why, but usually, medical boards don’t just take away a license for fun. Even if he were the most decorated doctor on the planet, having your mom’s boyfriend—who you live with—perform a pelvic exam on you in a house is a massive, glowing red flag. It is the definition of inappropriate.
To make matters even worse, the OP explains that this guy is already a total creep. He doesn’t knock before entering her room, he makes “weird jokes,” and he generally gives off the kind of energy that makes you want to lock your door at night. The thought of him performing a physical exam on her is more than just “awkward,” it’s a violation waiting to happen. But according to the mom, the OP is the one being the ahole.
When the OP stood her ground and said “h£ll no,” her mom didn’t apologize for the insane suggestion. Instead, she lost her sh!t. She accused the OP of being “insulting” and “assuming the worst” about the boyfriend. She even said the OP was essentially calling him a pervert. And because this is a twisted version of “Mother of the Year,” she actually grounded her daughter for refusing to let a dislicensed man near her vagina.
There is so much wrong with this that it is hard to know where to start. First of all, a doctor—even a licensed one—should never perform an intimate exam on a family member or someone they live with. It is a massive ethical violation. Second, the fact that he lost his license means he is legally not allowed to practice medicine. If he performed that exam, he could literally go to jail, and the mom would be an accomplice to a crime.
The mom’s reaction is the most “gaslighty” thing we have ever heard. She is prioritizing her boyfriend’s “hurt feelings” over her daughter’s safety and comfort. Grounding an 18-year-old for refusing an invasive medical procedure from a non-doctor is a level of toxic parenting that borders on abusive. It’s not “insulting” to have boundaries; it’s survival.
The “saving money on a co-pay” excuse is total bullsh!t. There is no amount of money worth sacrificing your child’s safety and mental health. If you can’t afford a co-pay, you go to a Planned Parenthood or a sliding-scale clinic; you don’t turn your living room into a bootleg gyno office with a guy who lost his credentials.
The fact that the boyfriend isn’t the one saying, “Whoa, that would be totally inappropriate, I can’t do that,” tells you everything you need to know about him. A decent man would be horrified by the suggestion. The fact that he’s apparently fine with it—and “hurt” that she said no—is a terrifying sign that he is exactly the creep the OP thinks he is.
We hope the OP finds a way to get to a real doctor, whether it’s through a school counselor, a friend’s parent, or a bus ride to the nearest city. She is 18 years old, which means she is an adult who has full control over her medical decisions. Her mom can “ground” her all she wants, but she cannot legally force her to undergo a physical exam by anyone, let alone her creepy boyfriend.
So, NTA (Not the Ahole). The OP is a legend for standing her ground in a situation that is genuinely dangerous. Her mom needs a major wake-up call and possibly a visit from the authorities. If the boyfriend is so desperate to use his old medical skills, he can go volunteer at a clinic—if they’ll even have him. Leave the teenagers alone.
What would you do if your mom made a “medical” suggestion this insane? Is there any world where this is okay, or is this the biggest red flag in the history of Reddit? Let us know in the comments if you think the OP should pack her bags the second she graduates!
NTA how is it your 18 and you got grounded? I would tell her that she has no right to punish you for your feelings on this issue. Tell her you don’t know this guy, and your not that comfortable around him as is now. And if you decide to show this to your mom,let me just say ewwww yuck, no way not day that is way out of line mom. Would you really be comfortable letting your BF touch your daughter like that. Again ewwww.