I don’t really remember what I’ve posted about my baby shower drama with my in-laws but I am once again at my wits end.
After enduring several weeks of my MIL badmouthing me behind my back, throwing a humungous fit about us declining her offer to throw us a baby shower (done in her way, without seeing what we’d want), her badmouthing my own mother for absolutely no reason (my mom who hadnt planned a single event was apparently conspiring to stop her from throwing us this shower), we finally put an end to it. MIL got herself together enough to be polite, to stop calling me names, and actually made attempts at being hospitable and polite.
We ended up asking if my husbands second cousin and wife (we’ll call them uncle/aunt since they’re older) wanted to do the baby shower, we told them there was absolutely no obligation to, and that we knew it was a big deal, that they should think about it and it was TRULY no big deal if they declined. They didn’t even hesitate to say yes, and to say they’d do whatever they could to help us. They commiserated about how difficult my MIL can be. DH and I were feeling great.
I ended up being the one to design, print/pay for, send out all invitations since his aunt didn’t get around to it. A few weeks into planning we found out his uncle was complaining to MIL that we were “immature” for not having the menu planned out already.
I’m the one making 90+ cookies from scratch, pasta salad for the party, lemonade, buying & cutting the fruit boards, rice pudding for those with allergies. DH and I are paying for the pizzas. We are bringing all tables and chairs to their place.
Well a week before the party we get a text from his uncle saying that sorry they can’t cover any of the drinks, plates, cutlery, since money is tight because they decided to buy a new car. The cherry on top was him telling DH that if he needed to save money “they have coupons and shit”. My husband and I are already practically footing the bill for this entire shower. All I wanted was to celebrate our first baby, the first grand baby on both sides… and it’s just SO frustrating that his family practically backs out of their commitment to this party.
I don’t work at the moment and have been pinching pennies to make everything from scratch, buy as much as possible second hand for the baby… and they tell us they can’t pay for utensils and napkins.
The day after all of this, DH (mistakenly) tries to complain to MIL about it and she reveals that her and aunt/uncle all have the money to go to top golf which is $50/hr. Then she tells DH that we should be grateful for aunt/uncle because they’re going to pay for the AC at the party. Then she says we should expect disappointing things because that’s life, and we should have had a plan b. It felt like salt in the wound.
I can’t do it with this woman. I can’t do it with his aunt and uncle flaking last minute and talking shit about his behind our backs.
As a side note that just REALLY pissed me off, his MIL touched my stomach (as usual she does it non stop) and said “I’m holding MY baby too”.
I’m 33 weeks pregnant and FED UP with all of this. I just wish it could’ve been a simple, small, joyful event but now I’m dreading it. I don’t want to see any of them and have to put on a smile and pretend to be so grateful when we’re paying for almost the entire thing and I’m making 95% of the food from scratch.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/froginpajamas:
she KNOWS and she does NOT care, 2 months ago
Just need to get this off my chest!!!, 2 months ago
Tentative Win, 3 months ago
Grandparent Competition, 3 months ago
Have to see them tomorrow, 3 months ago
You all were RIGHT. Help, 4 months ago
Finding Forgiveness?, 4 months ago
When and how did you all tell your MIL you were expecting?, 6 months ago
Is it too much for my future ILs to expect this from my family?, 1 year ago
^(To be notified as soon as froginpajamas posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe froginpajamas JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Babygirl, they have given you a gift!!! They have shown you who they are and how they really feel, now move accordingly.
“Oopsies! You and DH don’t respond to texts or phone calls until the next day or better yet, set up auto responses.” Especially since you are nearing the end of your pregnancy and MIL will probably ramp up the checking in.
If people have spare keys to your house, change/re-key all locks. Newly post partum parents don’t need unwanted guests showing up. It’s extremely rude and tacky.
Baby wearing is perfectly acceptable to do, to keep grabby, germy people away from your baby.
Childbirth IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!
Being disrespectful to mom, looses you access to baby…PERIOD.
>As a side note that just REALLY pissed me off, his MIL touched my stomach (as usual she does it non stop) and said “I’m holding MY baby too”.
I realize it is just verbiage but ew.
Next time she touches your belly slap her hand away. Bonus if there are other people watching. “I told you I do not want anyone touching my belly. What don’t you understand”
I am so sorry your SO family of origin Is is a larger collection of rotters.
Cancel the party and use the money to buy what you need. She just told you no one is gifting you anything.
As frustrated as you are I’m surprised you didn’t feed her her offending appendage. If you had, I’d be cheering on the sidelines.
All fun things aside, you shouldn’t be as stressed out by these people as you are. Your DH needs to get a handle on his family asap! You should drop the rope with them, you should be resting and relaxing and taking care of yourself. A happy and unstressed momma makes a happy and healthy baby.
Next time she touches your stomach grab her boob, or crotch. So, rude.
I would have slapped her hand so hard and yelled “don’t touch me” at the top of my lungs. I hate being touched without being asked
When she grabs your stomach, grab hers. Makes it really clear how awkward it is.
Offering TLC, hugs if you want them, and solidarity. How frustrating these in-laws are! It’s like they said, “here, hold my beer while I over promise and under deliver.”. That’s just shitty.
You know, I just wanna say to you & every other woman who has put up with that unwanted bump touching, I admire your self respect and restraint. I don’t like to be touched by anyone not my peeps & I’m hella picky about my peeps. Wherever you find the strength to be kind, gracious, and beautiful, you are amazing.
Solidarity.
I’m so sorry- this is frustrating AF. The hypocrisy and rudeness is just uncalled for. I hope you’re able to set the boundaries you need to for a peaceful and calm fourth trimester!!! You got this!!!
Sounds like you are doing so much cooking, you will wear yourself out. Please give yourself some time to put your feet up. What a mess.
This sounds sooo frustrating! I’m 25 weeks pregnant and planning my baby shower and it’s honestly shocking how much MILs try to make it about them! I feel your pain
Is your husband able to control his family? Is your birth plan nailed down?
Your in-laws are exhausting you. They’re flaking on responsibilities, talking trash behind your back, and still managing to guilt trip you. Your MIL’s “I’m holding MY baby too” is just a nasty low blow. You’re doing all the heavy lifting here, and they’re reaping the benefits. Don’t pretend to be grateful, you’ve earned the right to be fed up. Set those boundaries and prioritize your own sanity. This baby shower can’t come soon enough so you can get it over with.
That sounds incredibly frustrating, especially when you’re doing most of the work and covering costs. It’s disappointing that your MIL and relatives aren’t stepping up and are instead making excuses or acting entitled. You deserve a joyful, stress-free celebration, not to carry the burden alone or be disrespected. Focus on what you and your partner can control, and don’t feel pressured to pretend everything’s perfect. Your feelings are valid, take care of yourself and your baby first.
It sounds a lot like aunt & uncle are working with mil to mess up your event
Id suggest giving the whole situation some thought. I understand you’d be missing out on gifts, but it may be better to have no event, or the one that has only what you want.
Sometimes when peoples behaviour causes cruelty, the cruelty is the point