I’m 24. I just got offered a job in the legal department of a company— a really good opportunity, the kind that could help me finally move out, start my life, and eventually make my way to the UK. It’s exactly the stepping stone l’ve been waiting for.
But my father is trying to stop me from taking it.
His reason? | wouldn’t be under his supervision. He says I might become a “burden” to my stepmother and step siblings if I move out. When I told him I still plan to go to the gym in a year, he got visibly upset. He wants me to quit the gym, quit gaming, basically strip away anything that makes me feel like myself.
He sees my past mistakes-smoking weed, going to prison for it, talking to girls-as evidence that I can’t be trusted. While I was locked up, he went through my PC and saw my TikTok page (which was just fitness content). Since then, he doesn’t see me as a person anymore, just a project that needs to be tightly controlled.
He keeps giving examples of how he “changed other people’s lives” and how those who didn’t listen to him ended up failing. He dismisses my mom’s input, saying I shouldn’t listen to “others” —meaning her, because she told me this is control.
He took me to therapy against my will, and I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and ADHD. But he doesn’t believe in any of it. The therapist even talked to him directly about how he treats me—and he flat out said he can’t find a single reason to blame himself.
Im just absolutely sick of this im fucking glad im not suicidal and have alot to look forward to in my life. I just want to get the absolute fuck out of here im going insane inside. If i dare express that in anyway it will just be met with anger and blame.
I’m not the traditional obedient son he wanted. I know that. But I’m just trying to live. I’m not out partying or doing crazy stuff-I just want to work, lift, have my own space, and start over.
Even if I get this job, I know I’ll go into it feeling numb. Like a robot just executing commands. The joy ! had when I got the offer is already gone. All I feel is guilt and exhaustion.
I don’t need advice.
I just needed to get this out.
Thanks for reading.
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Youre legally an adult he can’t do anything.
Take the job in the legal department and be prepared for your father to be a crazy. You have to get away from him. There is no other way to heal. You already know this. I wish you the best.
Hey I’m a bit older, but a lot of my experience lines up with yours (gaming, similar father, sabotaging opportunities, wouldn’t listen to any reasoning). As the other commenter mentioned, he has no legal authority to do anything though it certainly feels like he has more power when you are living there. It might be a good idea to secretly save up and look for a new place and a new job and not tell him about anything (act like everything is normal). Then one day move out all of your stuff while he is out. He sounds like a very bad narc so keeping your new location a secret would give you a lot of peace of mind and space to recover. One thing that I found tough after first getting out is that they will never have any self-reflection even after their child cutting contact or no matter how strongly you make your case. Over time I just realized they’re not the people I thought they were and they have huge pieces missing.
Keep moving on the path that you want. He keeps trying to put self doubt in you because he doesn’t want you to succeed.
You can do this!
Op- Absolutely take the job!
Get a Post office box near your office for your mailing address. And start saving up to move out asap.
Just request that both HR and your direct reports never accept any calls on your behalf from your family, and ask them to never make any changes to your employment or records without calling you back for verbal confirmation.
And ask that they not make your desk phone # or office location on the external website either.
Make sure to keep your things checked for airtags and turn off any location devices on your phone.
24 and being treated like a child! Sorry you have this burden.. but not for long because there’s a path forward. Reach for the stars. You can do this…
Take the job OP and DO NOT listen to him. Stand your ground and trust your gut instinct