Cosplay is supposed to be about creativity, passion, and bringing a fictional character to life. It is an art form where cardboard becomes armor and makeup transforms faces. However, for one man on Reddit, cosplay was apparently supposed to be strictly about fulfilling his personal fantasies. He recently took his girlfriend to an anime convention and ended up pouting the entire time because her costume was too “realistic” and not “s£xy” enough for his liking.
The Original Poster (OP) is a twenty-five-year-old self-proclaimed “anime nerd.” He is dating a twenty-four-year-old woman who is a breast cancer survivor. She had a double mastectomy five years ago and chose not to have reconstructive surgery. That is a brave and personal choice that defines her survival. She isn’t really into anime, but she works as an SFX artist at a haunted house, so she knows her way around a makeup brush.
When the OP invited her to a convention, she asked to cosplay. He said yes. But here is where the expectations diverged. The OP admits he thought she was going to dress up as something “s£xy” for him. He was anticipating a waifu in a skirt. Instead, she decided to lean into her skills and her body type to create something truly unique.
She showed up as Dabi from My Hero Academia. For those who don’t know, Dabi is a villain covered in severe burn scars. She wore the white coat and pants but went shirtless, using her flat chest and mastectomy scars as the canvas for the character’s signature burns. It sounds like an incredibly creative, manga-accurate, and empowering way to reclaim her body. She turned her scars into art.
The OP, however, was horrified. He wasn’t expecting her to show up without a shirt, even though Dabi is often shirtless. He complained that her burn makeup only covered half her chest, leaving her mastectomy scar visible. He called it “not a very attractive costume” because she made the scars look too realistic. Sir, she is cosplaying a villain who literally burned his own skin off. It isn’t supposed to be “attractive” in a traditional sense; it is supposed to be cool. And it sounds like it was very cool.
At the convention, the public disagreed with the OP. People were coming up to take photos with her, likely impressed by the quality of her SFX work and her confidence. But the OP spent the day sulking because other people were “looking at her chest.” When they got home, he decided to be honest, which is often code for being cruel. He told her he was embarrassed that she was “flaunting” her mastectomy scar.
Let’s talk about the word “flaunting.” Existing in a body that has survived cancer is not flaunting. Using your physical reality to create an artistic homage to a character is not flaunting. It is living. She took something that was likely a source of pain and trauma and turned it into a moment of triumph. She felt confident enough to walk around shirtless, owning her history, and her boyfriend reduced it to him being embarrassed because she didn’t look like a pin-up model.
He is mad because she didn’t cater to the male gaze. He wanted her to cover up the reality of her cancer so he could pretend he was on a date with a cartoon character. Instead, she forced him to look at the reality of who she is, and he couldn’t handle it. She said she was making the best of her situation, and she is absolutely right.
So is he the ahole? Yes. YTA. You have a girlfriend who is talented, confident, and alive. She survived cancer and is cool enough to go to your nerd convention dressed as a top-tier villain. Instead of hyping her up, you tore her down because her scars made you uncomfortable. She wasn’t flaunting anything but her survival skills. You should be embarrassed of your attitude, not her chest.
She needs to kick him to the curb !!! She can do better