There are “monster-in-law” stories, and then there are “call the police, this is a hostage situation” stories. But this… this is a new category. This is a story about a husband who, with full, unadulterated knowledge of who his mother is, willingly lit a match, threw it on his postpartum wife, and then got mad at her for screaming when she caught fire.
Our narrator, a 33-year-old man, starts with a disclaimer that tells you everything you need to know: his wife and his mother have never gotten along, and it is “100% my mother’s fault.”
He admits his mom was “hostile” from day one, telling him his wife (who is Irish) “wasn’t good enough” for him (he’s Mexican). He admits it’s a “culture thing.” He did the right thing and cut his mom off for a “very long time” because it “wasn’t worth losing my wife.” This man has a history of knowing his mother is the villain.
But then, a baby. The wife found out she was pregnant. And the mom, who he had blocked on “everything,” somehow found out and started mailing letters. She expressed her “desire to be a grandmother” and apologized, promising to “do better.”
So, after “many, many long discussions,” his wife… the “saint” in this story… caved. She agreed to let her known abuser, the woman who hates her for her race, come stay in her home. For four days. But she gave him one, single, non-negotiable condition: “I had better stand up for her endlessly if my mom acts up.” And he agreed.
This is the part where you need to sit down. This is not just a “new mom.” This wife is postpartum. Like, newly postpartum. The baby is cluster-feeding. The wife is “still nauseous.” Her “breast milk comes in, it makes her sick to her stomach.” She “won’t/can’t eat when she’s nursing.” This woman is in the deep, dark, hormonal, sleep-deprived, physically painful trenches of the fourth trimester.
So, the Monster-in-Law, who has been “saving up for months” for this ambush, decides to “treat” them to a cultural dish. A dish that takes four hours to cook, and which she starts at 4 PM. This is not a “treat.” This is a control-tactic.
The wife, who is operating on a “very small window” of when she can eat without getting sick, politely says, “I can’t wait that long, I have to eat something else.”
The mom is, of course, “offended” and calls her “rude.” The husband, allegedly, “immediately put a stop to” it. But that didn’t work, because the mom kept doing it, “giving her looks” as she ate. He says, “mom, stop it right now.” This is… not what “endlessly” standing up for someone looks like. This is the bare minimum.
And then, his mom goes nuclear. She turns to his Irish wife and says, “in my culture this is unacceptable. Since you are raising a child in my family you will learn better.”
And this is the moment. The wife, who is a postpartum, nauseous, hormonal, sleep-deprived woman, being attacked in her own home by a woman who hates her, after her husband failed to protect her, finally… finally… snaps. She screams, “shut the f*ck up and let me eat or leave.”
And you know what? Good for her. A queen. A hero. You poke a mama bear, you get the claws.
But our narrator? He’s not proud of his wife for defending herself. He’s not horrified by his mother’s r*cist, controlling bullsh!t. No. He’s “so hurt by the both of them.”
He then turns to his wife. The woman who just gave birth. The woman his mom just attacked. And he calls her “a liar.” His reasoning? “She told me she would let me handle it and she didn’t. Instead she made my mom leave.”
I am… I am unwell. You didn’t “handle it”! Your “handling it” was so weak and pathetic, she had to step in and defend herself. You’re not mad she broke a promise; you’re mad she embarrassed you in front of your abusive mommy. You’re mad your two victims didn’t play their roles correctly.
And then this man… this coward… he left. He left his postpartum wife and his newborn child. He just… left. And he has the audacity to be upset that “She didn’t even try to stop me.” Why would she? She just saw who you are.
So, AITA? YES. You are the ahole. You are the biggest ahole in this entire saga. You broke your promise, you betrayed your wife in her most vulnerable moment, you sided with her abuser, and you abandoned your family. You are, 100 percent, the ahole.