There are very few rules in life that should be universally understood, but “do not tell a pregnant woman how to push a human out of her body” is definitely in the top five. The delivery room is not a spectator sport and it is certainly not a democracy. It is a medical theater where the patient—the person bleeding, sweating, and tearing—gets the final say on who is in the room. However, one future grandfather on Reddit decided that his outdated opinions were more important than his daughter-in-law’s comfort, and his reasoning has the internet absolutely horrified.
The OP (Original Poster) starts off sounding like a typically excited, albeit overbearing, dad. His son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first baby. During some socially distanced yard work, the son admitted he was actually “relieved” that he wouldn’t be in the delivery room. Due to current virus restrictions, the hospital is allowing only one support person. The wife, who describes herself as a private person, expressed that she would highly prefer her own mother be there.
This is a completely reasonable request. Childbirth is messy and vulnerable, and wanting your own mom there for comfort is standard procedure for many women. The son was totally on board with this. He respects his wife’s autonomy and was happy to wait in the waiting room. A healthy couple making a decision that works for them? Sounds great. But the OP couldn’t handle it. He was “dumbfounded” that his son would willingly miss the “best days of his life” and immediately launched into a lecture about how cutting the cord is essential for male bonding.
If the story stopped at the “bonding” lecture, the OP would just be an annoying boomer who doesn’t understand that you can bond with a baby without seeing the placenta come out. But it gets so much darker. The OP revealed the real reason he wants his son in the room: control. He explicitly stated that his son needs to be there to “ensure his rights are protected.” And what rights are those? Apparently, the right to force his wife to suffer.
The OP admitted that the couple had been arguing because the wife wants an epidural since she “can’t handle pain.” The OP is terrified that if the son isn’t in the room, the wife will “overrule him” and get the pain relief she needs. Let that sink in. This man thinks his son should be present specifically to stop a screaming, laboring woman from receiving medical comfort. It is controlling, it is misogynistic, and it borders on medical abuse.
Then, the OP pivoted to a hypothetical scenario that is straight out of a horror movie. He argued that if a medical emergency arises where a choice must be made between saving the mother or saving the baby, the son needs to be there. Why? Because the mother-in-law would “insist on saving her baby” (the wife), and the OP implies that his son should be there to ensure the baby is saved over the wife. He is essentially arguing that his daughter-in-law is a replaceable vessel and his son needs to be there to prioritize the heir over the mother.
You would think the OP would keep these monstrous thoughts to himself, or at least leave it with his son. But no. He decided to call the pregnant woman directly. He actually dialed up his daughter-in-law to “explain the situation” to her. He mansplained her own birth plan to her and tried to pressure her into changing her mind.
Naturally, she didn’t take it well. She swore at him—rightfully so—and told him that “meddlesome sh*t like this” is exactly why they aren’t close. The son has now stopped answering the OP’s calls, and the OP’s own wife refuses to get involved. He is completely ghosted, and he still claims he doesn’t know what he needs to apologize for.
He isn’t just an “ahole” for explaining the importance of witnessing birth. He is an ahole for viewing his daughter-in-law as an incubator who shouldn’t have a say in her own pain management or survival. He tried to recruit his son to be a warden in the delivery room rather than a partner.
So, is the OP the ahole? Yes, a thousand times yes. The daughter-in-law was spot on. This is meddlesome behavior of the highest order. If he wants to see his grandchild anytime before their eighteenth birthday, he better start drafting a groveling apology immediately.
What would you do if your father-in-law called you to argue about your epidural? Would you change your number, or would you ban him from the house forever? Let us know in the comments if you think this grandpa went too far!