I’m curious to know, if you hooked up with someone and you found out later that they’re in a relationship. Would you tell the person? Or even if you knew before hand?
Hooking up with someone taken
r/Advice
I’m curious to know, if you hooked up with someone and you found out later that they’re in a relationship. Would you tell the person? Or even if you knew before hand?
Comments
I ended up being an “affair partner” for someone MUCH older, who lied about being in the process of a divorce. Once I found out the truth, I let his wife know what was up. I didn’t receive a warm reception but she did thank me. I removed myself completely after that and found out nearly a decade later that she chose to stay with him. But whatever they choose to do with the information you provide, at least you’ve provided them the opportunity to make an informed decision – the rest is out of your hands.
I know it sounds bad, but hooking is actually bad at first place
Many years ago, I was in a several months relationship with a person I later found out was married.
I didn’t have to tell their spouse, because I found out my relationship partner was telling their spouse everything to speed up divorce proceedings.
It was a very weird spot to be in
If I knew beforehand, I wouldn’t get involved respecting others’ relationships matters. If I found out afterward, I’d probably tell the person their partner is cheating. Honesty can be painful but it’s better than staying silent and letting someone be hurt more
All I have to say is, be honest and let me know if you’re married or not. I want to make the decision for myself if I want to be a mistress or not (NOT). It’s the principle that I was given a choice. If I found out after that the person was in a relationship, oh, I’m snitching. If I knew before hand, sorry would not entertain.
8 months of dating and I found out he was married
She ended up knowing that I had something with him because after I broke up she visited my profile.
I felt like a luxury when I found out but I never actually told
I only got out of it as soon as I found out
I mean, I am that person; my girlfriend is asexual, but she knew I’m a highly sexual person before we became a thing and is fine with me having friends with benefits.
That said, I tell people about her beforehand, and if they’re not comfortable with it, it’s fine, but as someone that is and attracts people that are kinky and kink-adjacent, it rarely raises eyebrows.
Also, I don’t “hookup”, at least not intentionally; I prefer to see them again and continue getting to know them. Sex is an expression of affection for me, so it’s kind of a bummer if they just run off the next day, because by that point I started to get invested in them as a person.
I’m more or less used to it, but it’s always disappointing.
This actually happened to me and I am very ashamed. I wish I would have said something earlier but I was young and stupid.
When I was 19, I met a woman off a dating app and we instantly hit it off. She was 34 and at the time I was inexperienced and essentially she was my first everything. She was my first kiss and I lost my virginity to her.
Not long after we started hooking up I found out she was actually married and had a daughter.
I confronted her about this but she convinced me she was actually in an open relationship and that her husband knew everything.
Of course I was an idiot and believed her. Long story short we kept hooking up for about another month until one night we were supposed to meet up but she was running late so I called her.
She didn’t answer but when she got there she was upset that I called her and she mentioned her husband was being nosy but I didn’t think much of it.
About a week later I discovered she was separating from her husband and that’s when I realized she was lying the whole time. I feel extremely guilty for this because I can’t stop thinking that I am the reason a little girl out there is growing up without her father.
Looking back all the signs were there. We never met at her house. Only motels and her car. We would hook up at weird hours. Either during working hours (when I was suppose to be in school) or late at night. I was such an idiot to not see the signs.
As someone who still feels terrible till this day, I would say don’t do it. If you know they are married stay away. If they are in an open relationship confirm it first.
Wouldn’t you want to know that the person you trust the most has betrayed you? I would.
It REALLY depends… Sometimes the partner doesn’t appreciate it and end up getting mad at you. I personally would appreciate it if someone had my back like that, but not everyone sees it that way. Sometimes the see it as you trying to take their partner, getting in between them, or that it “isn’t your business”. BUT I think it doesn’t hurt to have that person’s back, because you telling them could even save them future heartache.
My mom had told me that when she was dating when we were little that she’d date around, and sometimes she’d meet a guy at a bar who eventually said he was married. She’s told her fair share of women and they’d get pissed AT HER… but in their defense they feel like the don’t know who to get mad at because they’ve already built a life with this person. I think you should write out some sort of thing for them in notes or google docs or whatever you use and revise it until you are happy with it. I really think telling them could save them the future heartache of their partner sleeping around and eventually catching something that they’d give them… it’s an extreme example, but it’s a common reality for many people sadly.
I was lucky my new gf dude was a deadbeat
Ha, got a crazy story but it’s kinda too much to tell here, but I have an abridged version.
This young lady I went to school with (2 years old than me) hooked up with me when I was 23 and her 25. We messed around a little bit in high school but I don’t think it was cool for a senior to be seen with a sophmore. We both worked nights and we spent A LOT of time together. We were basically together every day.
I was living at my mom’s house still and she had a house, but she was always staying with me. I finally asked her when we could go hang out at her house. After pressuring her a few times she finally told me, “Remember that guy I dated in high school?” (He’s prob 5 years older than her) She told me they had been married but the marriage had been annulled. He was “sleeping on the couch” until he could find a place to go but their marriage was over. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I mean the only time we weren’t together is when I was at work and she was off, but we would still see each other daily. And daily seggs.
Not long after that I got a message on FB from some guy and I’ll never forget, he told me “Hey man I think we have a friend in common, Kim…” He told me they’d had been dating for several months, and he talked to her every day. I thought, well he isn’t seeing her much cause we were always together….memory is kind of blurry, this was 2009…
I confronted her with all of this info; I showed her mine and his FB messages and she continued to deny it.
I told her we were done and she came over to the house and begged me. I was like “Kim, you’re married and have a boyfriend, we’re done.” She continued to text me, but I quickly hooked up with my now wife and she finally gave up. I’m shocked I didn’t get an STD and I’m SO glad I never got her pregnant.
She wound up getting married and had two kids, but they divorced. I can’t imagine why. We follow each other on social media. I like to see how many different men she will lie to and manipulate. I dodged a huge bullet. MASSIVE liar and psychopath.
TLDR: Chick I was dating had a husband AND a boyfriend, but we were always together. I cut it off with her and she wound up getting married and divorced soon after.
Well, since you are technically The Other Woman – don’t expect it to go well….