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I’ll never do it. He ruined the lives of 6 kids and his 1 wife. Thankfully he’s dead and died when we were young kids. But his impact has still affected us all in our 20s and 30s
Im 46, still havent. Im seeking counselling, appointment next week actually.
Resentment, the..whats if’s.
He has 2 other kids younger than me, ive met them. They say he was a great dad, but has never been present in my life. His wife has threatened to leave him if he has anything to do with me .
Ive never had a hug, a birthday card or anything. Ive raised my kids as a single dad and vowed to always be there for my kids. Ive had hard times, money and health issues.
I cant seem to shake the Resentment.
To add to this my step dad was always horrible to me, he abandoned my brother when he was 16 (hes 4yrs younger than me) his dad died during covid and left him £50k. The men in my life have never met my expectations, and those expectations where never tall orders! I feel shit about it.
This question is tricky, and everybody’s answer is the right one for them. For me, it has been a long path to any real forgiveness. I have sort of falsely forgiven him a few times in adulthood just to find that there is more stuff I haven’t fully dealt with. I thought I was done and over with it until I had my first kid, and held him and realized just how precious and frail I was. For me, forgiving is strategically the best way to allow myself to really move on. It’s not for my dad at all. I’m still working on it, and I’m in my mid 40’s.
Forgiveness is for you, not your father. If he’s a chump, then he doesn’t care anyway. But you can let him know that he no longer holds a power over you by forgiving him.
If he never apologizes, you saying “I forgive you for xyz…” kind of implies an apology was made anyway. He doesn’t need to apologize for you to forgive him. Let that shit go so you can live your life.
Also- going thru this myself so…. I’ll call him in the morning maybe. It’s been several years.
Sooner rather than later, I came to recognize that my dad was the way he was due to how he grew up – abandoned to an orphanage at 3 months old, adopted at 7, and mostly had a lot of rejection when he was growing up. He also suffered from manic depression. If we don’t forgive we keep carrying the burden with us.
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On his own terms in his own time.
Only if he is ever ready. Something’s can not be forgiven.
I’ll never forgive my father. He made me. Now I am in his image, and I wish I weren’t.
I’ll never do it. He ruined the lives of 6 kids and his 1 wife. Thankfully he’s dead and died when we were young kids. But his impact has still affected us all in our 20s and 30s
Ugh. Never?
For my situation, the answer was never.
I do not care anymore.
That’s tough, you’re gonna need some therapy to get through that.
Once he has admitted and made amends for his sins.
Why would you? Not everyone or act is deserving of forgiveness
imho you should forgive as soon as you can. no point holding grudges in your life.
Doesn’t mean you need to be his best friend and forget, but you should forgive.
We are but men. Human, all too human. Your father is/was the way he is/was for reasons too, something made him like that.
Define:forgive:
verb
Forgiveness will help you more than him. Anger and resentment is bad for the soul.
Im 46, still havent. Im seeking counselling, appointment next week actually.
Resentment, the..whats if’s.
He has 2 other kids younger than me, ive met them. They say he was a great dad, but has never been present in my life. His wife has threatened to leave him if he has anything to do with me .
Ive never had a hug, a birthday card or anything. Ive raised my kids as a single dad and vowed to always be there for my kids. Ive had hard times, money and health issues.
I cant seem to shake the Resentment.
To add to this my step dad was always horrible to me, he abandoned my brother when he was 16 (hes 4yrs younger than me) his dad died during covid and left him £50k. The men in my life have never met my expectations, and those expectations where never tall orders! I feel shit about it.
This question is tricky, and everybody’s answer is the right one for them. For me, it has been a long path to any real forgiveness. I have sort of falsely forgiven him a few times in adulthood just to find that there is more stuff I haven’t fully dealt with. I thought I was done and over with it until I had my first kid, and held him and realized just how precious and frail I was. For me, forgiving is strategically the best way to allow myself to really move on. It’s not for my dad at all. I’m still working on it, and I’m in my mid 40’s.
Never. He gets to slip away becoming a demented child, the man who was escaped reckoning.
Forgiveness is for you, not your father. If he’s a chump, then he doesn’t care anyway. But you can let him know that he no longer holds a power over you by forgiving him.
If he never apologizes, you saying “I forgive you for xyz…” kind of implies an apology was made anyway. He doesn’t need to apologize for you to forgive him. Let that shit go so you can live your life.
Also- going thru this myself so…. I’ll call him in the morning maybe. It’s been several years.
Sooner rather than later, I came to recognize that my dad was the way he was due to how he grew up – abandoned to an orphanage at 3 months old, adopted at 7, and mostly had a lot of rejection when he was growing up. He also suffered from manic depression. If we don’t forgive we keep carrying the burden with us.