How and when should a man forgive his father for the abuses he committed towards him?

r/

At what age do/ should you forgive your father for being abusive, physically, emotional, and verbal?

Comments

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  2. wpmason Avatar

    On his own terms in his own time.

  3. spa2k Avatar

    Only if he is ever ready. Something’s can not be forgiven.

  4. Anonymous_Coder_1234 Avatar

    I’ll never forgive my father. He made me. Now I am in his image, and I wish I weren’t.

  5. The_Summary_Man_713 Avatar

    I’ll never do it. He ruined the lives of 6 kids and his 1 wife. Thankfully he’s dead and died when we were young kids. But his impact has still affected us all in our 20s and 30s

  6. brstra Avatar

    Ugh. Never?

  7. manicmender76 Avatar

    For my situation, the answer was never.

  8. AccountMediocre3857 Avatar

    I do not care anymore.

  9. FlounderAccording125 Avatar

    That’s tough, you’re gonna need some therapy to get through that.

  10. SignalEchoFoxtrot Avatar

    Once he has admitted and made amends for his sins.

  11. ericsonofbruce Avatar

    Why would you? Not everyone or act is deserving of forgiveness

  12. AutomaticFeed1774 Avatar

    imho you should forgive as soon as you can. no point holding grudges in your life.

    Doesn’t mean you need to be his best friend and forget, but you should forgive.

    We are but men. Human, all too human. Your father is/was the way he is/was for reasons too, something made him like that.

    Define:forgive:

    verb

    1. stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offenseflaw, or mistake.”I don’t think I’ll ever forgive David for the way he treated her”

    Forgiveness will help you more than him. Anger and resentment is bad for the soul.

  13. Big-Bee8220 Avatar

    Im 46, still havent. Im seeking counselling, appointment next week actually.
    Resentment, the..whats if’s.

    He has 2 other kids younger than me, ive met them. They say he was a great dad, but has never been present in my life. His wife has threatened to leave him if he has anything to do with me .
    Ive never had a hug, a birthday card or anything. Ive raised my kids as a single dad and vowed to always be there for my kids. Ive had hard times, money and health issues.
    I cant seem to shake the Resentment.
    To add to this my step dad was always horrible to me, he abandoned my brother when he was 16 (hes 4yrs younger than me) his dad died during covid and left him £50k. The men in my life have never met my expectations, and those expectations where never tall orders! I feel shit about it.

  14. Ok_Farmer_6033 Avatar

    This question is tricky, and everybody’s answer is the right one for them. For me, it has been a long path to any real forgiveness. I have sort of falsely forgiven him a few times in adulthood just to find that there is more stuff I haven’t fully dealt with. I thought I was done and over with it until I had my first kid, and held him and realized just how precious and frail I was. For me, forgiving is strategically the best way to allow myself to really move on. It’s not for my dad at all. I’m still working on it, and I’m in my mid 40’s.

  15. prometheus_winced Avatar

    Never. He gets to slip away becoming a demented child, the man who was escaped reckoning.

  16. -Soap_Boxer- Avatar

    Forgiveness is for you, not your father. If he’s a chump, then he doesn’t care anyway. But you can let him know that he no longer holds a power over you by forgiving him.
    If he never apologizes, you saying “I forgive you for xyz…” kind of implies an apology was made anyway. He doesn’t need to apologize for you to forgive him. Let that shit go so you can live your life.
    Also- going thru this myself so…. I’ll call him in the morning maybe. It’s been several years.

  17. Accomplished-Pound-3 Avatar

    Sooner rather than later, I came to recognize that my dad was the way he was due to how he grew up – abandoned to an orphanage at 3 months old, adopted at 7, and mostly had a lot of rejection when he was growing up. He also suffered from manic depression. If we don’t forgive we keep carrying the burden with us.