I just realized that my sex strategy revolves around self-depreciation in service of my partner i.e rough sex whatever- that is fine but I have now been on a long hiatus and have been thinking about allowing myself to enter a relationship again- but I would prefer if the sex served a purpose beyond pure gratification. What is it like to have ‘loving sex’- what is your experience with this and do you feel like it has genuinely affected your self regard?
I know this may be considered overly sexual but I feel like this is so central to the relationship between a man and woman!
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I just realized that my sex strategy revolves around self-depreciation in service of my partner i.e rough sex whatever- that is fine but I have now been on a long hiatus and have been thinking about allowing myself to enter a relationship again- but I would prefer if the sex served a purpose beyond pure gratification. What is it like to have ‘loving sex’- what is your experience with this and do you feel like it has genuinely affected your self regard?
I know this may be considered overly sexual but I feel like this is so central to the relationship between a man and woman!
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When she gives her virginity to him. I think that’s the ultimate gift a woman is capable of providing.
Just communicate.
Open communication, honestly, boundaries (I don’t want it to be bad for you), working with fulfilling mutual needs, care (checking in, asking if things feel good), appreciation, DESIRE, and also really load body shaking orgasms.
Eye contact.
Positive, loving/romantic/sexual comments
Lots of kissing/touching/grabbing
Lots of eye contact
A combination of a slow, controlled pace coupled with a more passionate pace when appropriate
Can sex be healing? Sure, of course it can, and it really depends on how much trust is there and how safe the individuals feel and if that is broken at any point during the act.
Loving sex is great. Sometimes I prefer it to rough or degrading sex or a quickie or vanilla sex. It’s definitely something to be practiced regularly with someone you love.
Don’t make it revolve around self-deprecation and instead make it about how much you love him/each other? Isn’t that just the normal way of going about it? I feel like what you described I’d think of as a specific kink.
Sex is wonderful, feels great. Making love to the person you care about is absolutely wonderful. I prefer the gentle sex, lots of kissing, touching etc. Look for a person you values all of you, not just your vagina. As a husband who loves loving his wife we are out there.
Well imo, your first iteration of sex sounds like what would land on the lust category. If a woman was an absolute monster and wanted rough stuff in bed, she’d be tapping into my animalistic pure lust type of sex. Everyone has their style, but this never made me feel the type of way you’re seeking.
Slower, more intense initiation along with clear communication of what I can do to make you feel good is always what made me feel a deep connection. Less animalistic and more of a spiritual feeling. For example, there are certainly times to be aggressive with each offer but there are times when something far more relaxed is ideal. In the best relationship I’ve had (so far) we knew when to be nasty and when to lean in on our pure love and affection. When to sit on my lap and makeout for an hour versus when to yank my sweatpants off.
A good man will not want the sex to solely focus on him. He will want to please you as a direct result of his love for you. Express your desires and what you enjoy.
Sex can unquestionably be healing when it’s done out of love. I remember the way I felt after. The way we felt. Pure bliss.
Yes, sex can be healing. It may not be the best way to achieve that though. Men often bond and connect to a partner through intimacy. It’s one of the ways we are able to feel close to our partners. Sometimes, we are accused of just wanting it. That’s not actually true, it’s about wanting to be close to the person we love most in the world. It’s not the only way but without it we often feel like we are not doing a good enough job or wonder why she doesn’t want me. It doesn’t seem to matter how hard we try in all other areas or the weight we carry on behalf of the family. Essentially, communication and intimacy break down. During the times you are together participation is significant. Reach for him, run his chest, interact with him while together. If he does something you like maybe bring it up. Hey I like it when you do xyz sometimes. At the end of the day we want to make our wives happy and be successful. I can’t speak for all men but from the guys that I have talked about these topics with the mentality is similar.
The greatest act of love is giving your full attention to someone. Feeling them breath against your chest.
By knowing their partner , they will be the only one that can answer everyone is slightly different. There are the basics of what a relationship is of course . but each person has their individual values and beliefs on top of that . It’s something else when you both connect without effort , it’s something else
Start slow, I like the foreplay too. Send him some sexy pics earlier on, maybe he likes certain things you wear. It’s ok to be a little naughty and tease him. I like slow soft kisses and breathing on my cheek. Eye contact and communication can be really amazing. I like to know what I’m doing right because it feels good to reciprocate those feelings. I feel valued for some good sex especially if her orgasm is reached.
Sex can be healing. It really depends on the person and how they wish to express and experience their sex with consent and safety without rush or pressure.
I feel like the questions listed in the topic are a bit different than the questions within the body of the text. As for the question listed in the subject line my answer is as follows:
A woman can make me feel loved during sex by making me feel safe during sex. The safety comes in the form of being safe for me to ask her for it, and being safe for me to try different things with her and being safe means approaching my insecurities around sex in an empathetic manner.
I want me to make me feel cared for during sex by doing a lot of different things. One example is for her to do a romantic gesture towards me. Another example is for her to hold me tightly when I come in close to her. Another way is to ask where I am sore or in pain and try to massage that area during sex. Care is looking out for me and looking after me to make sure that I’m not overburdening myself.
The way to make me feel valued is to maintain eye contact with me and to show off the joy you’re experiencing in the shared moment. You can make me feel valued by telling me to rest my head on your chest afterwards. You can make me feel valued by kissing my forehead or holding my hand and saying I’m glad I found you. It can be a simple I love you. There are many ways of giving me the validation and praise that bolsters my self-confidence and reaffirms that you see value in me.
Now in terms of loving sex, my personal response is that all of the bedroom action is a result of everything outside of the bedroom. Loving sex is just normal sex with a person who maintains a high degree of cooperation and understanding and empathy and validation and desire. It becomes easier and easier to love connecting physically when emotionally you have built the trust In one another to be fully present in the moment.
By doing anal.
Sex absolutely can be healing
Just hold your man and give him loving eyes
Accept the love he gives you with appreciation
Might not be exactly what you’re looking for, but if you haven’t, check out the book “Slow Sex: The path to fulfilling and sustainable sexuality” by Diana Richardson. it offers an interesting answer to your question.
When I come home from a stressful work trip and I feel like death and my body is tight and my head is spinning, making love to my wife heals me almost immediately. It is absolutely amazing and beautiful how healing intimacy is with your favorite person in the world.
I hear you. My advice would be to identify what you like so you can have a mutually beneficial experience. Sex should never just be about pleasing the man