How can can you help a man who’s grieving ? ( Still only getting to know each other ) Don’t want to over push .
How can can you help a man who’s grieving ? ( Still only getting to know each other ) Don’t want to over push .
r/AskMen
How can can you help a man who’s grieving ? ( Still only getting to know each other ) Don’t want to over push .
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Listen
By making him forget why he’s grieving. Distract him
Really depends on the guy, some will forget to its mostly time and distracting, some will get used to it, and needs new things to do to bring that memory down in there mind, some have past issues they need to rectify first before either of the abive might be the case
Head job
I’d say let them grieve. Time will heal their pain. Sometimes just being there for them is enough even without talking. If he’s willing to share, then listen.
I lost my wife of 24 years on 8/21/21 due to Covid complications. At first everyone was just crawling all over me checking on me. But after almost a year I was forgotten. I am still struggling with it but it’s not as bad as it was. Best thing you can do is listen to him. If he wants to talk about his spouse encourage him too. He will probably fall apart. And if he does just sit with him and let him cry. Just be there for him. Best way I can describe the feeling of loosing your spouse…. Have you ever had your soul torn out? That’s what it felt like to me. I wanted to cease to exist. And the dark thoughts almost won many times. But if it wasn’t for my three “kids” (25, 18, and 17) I would have not been sitting here typing this. Just be there for him. And please check in on him from time to time. Try to help keep the demons away.
Most men don’t want help, we want space. You can say “if you need anything I want you to know I’m here for you” if you want to make sure they know you’re willing to help, and then you respect them and leave it alone.
There are 5 stages of death and grieving. Everyone goes through them differently. Anger and denial are the worst to overcome.
“I’m sorry for your loss, if you need anything, I’m right here”
Realistically all he would probably ask for is someone to listen and talk to about the loss. I lost my grandmother two weeks ago and I can’t speak to anyone about it because I know I might just break down then and there.
I think it’s best to understand it like this:
Grief just pops up every now and then, so 8 months from now, it might just make him have rain clouds for the day, a couple days, whatever, almost completely out of the blue. Anything and nothing at all could have tipped it off.
Guys generally wanna be seen as strong, dependable, stoic and unmovable yadda yadda yadda, but we’re humans too.
So keep yourself open to comforting him whenever it seems he may need it. If you’re physically intimate at all, honestly just holding his arm or hand or something might be all he needs. Don’t feel the need to walk on eggshells around him, that will only draw more attention to it, and more attention to his behavior surrounding it. Understand he’s lost something, and that causes change in people’s perception. He may try to push away things/people he likes, or cling onto them and become very possessive. Understand he’s fearful, and try to just be someone in his life that he can feel comfortable around, and try to make sure he still feels purpose/belonging. Him not being able to do anything will probably make him feel really bad/worse
You pretty much just need to be available if he asks for it. Honestly, without knowing the man, it’s impossible to say. Everyone deals with death differently, and it’s just something that needs to run its course, but I can assure you that you have the right idea not to push the issue 💯
“I’m totally bought in to trying to help you because I care about you and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Do you hate that?” “no” “then can we have a conversation about some stuff you’d feel comfortable with in regards to me helping?”
We humans love the word “no”. No is a safe word. No takes control for yourself. So wording questions in ways that are highly likely to start off with a “no” are the best ways to get implicit agreement to talk about the important stuff.
It would help to know what they’re grieving about, and it would also depend on the guy. I personally want my space, whether I’m grieving, sick, or just not feeling it, I prefer to have my space for me to overcome what I’m going through. It really doesn’t have much to do with what’s typical, it mostly has to do with how I was “raised”. When I was young and sick, it was seen more as an inconvenience by my parents. Thus, I have feelings of guilt.
Your best approach is to help them along with their grieving, but if they indicate that they want time by themselves, that’s something that you should grant them. Don’t force anything, but let them know that you’re there for them. Just that gesture can go a long way.
I’d just say you’ll come over bring something nice to eat and take some of the weight off. I lost someone while seeing this girl and I told her, withdrew a bit and she got annoyed I wasn’t messaging her enough and then ghosted came back later saying it was my fault it didn’t work out. Needless to say that did not help.
Be there for that person. Also try to do pleasant or nice things together. Nobody needs to grief 100% of the time, so help them take their mind off of their grief.
But of course keep in mind that everybody griefs differently, so give the person the space to grief in the way they need to and look for subtle signs of what is right for them.