Sorry for my English, I’m not a native.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months.
It’s been great overall. He comes to my house almost every weekend since we can’t see each other much due to our respective jobs. (Won’t detail, I don’t know if he’s on reddit)
Recently, I felt bad about myself, and about my self esteem. I’m someone with a naturally low self esteem (due to past trauma in my childhood and school bullying) and I tend to overthink and over feel things. And I’ve been feeling like my boyfriend isn’t really physically attracted to me.
I noticed multiple patterns, clothes he likes, physical particularities.. He likes girls that wears dresses, skirts, while until now I hardly ever wore one. He likes girls with long hair, while I have short because long hair doesn’t really suit me. He like overall a bit revealing clothes, and I’m too insecure with my body to wear these things..
I remember him saying that I’m pretty maybe 2 times.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m overthinking. He’s coming to visit me even if it means he won’t see his mother. He got upset and a bit angry because I didn’t value myself enough, I put others above myself, and answer to their wants before my needs, and sometimes to the detriment of my own wants. He’s caring, he listened and was careful when I told him one of my biggest trauma. He has met my parents, they love him. I haven’t met his mother yet, but she knows of me, he showed her a video of me which she found funny.
But … It’s visceral. It’s a feeling, and I don’t know how to approach him with this. I feel so, so far away from the typical girls he would like. I don’t feel attractive. I don’t feel like he finds me pretty.
But he’s honestly one of the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, and I want it to work.
If anyone have further questions, I’d gladly answer them.
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You just have to go to therapy for your trauma and get better. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to be doing anything wrong here.
I’m in the same situation rn so if anyone has advice pls lmk or tag me. My bf, idk…. He does compliment me but I just don’t…… feel like he really means it? He doesn’t hype me up or compliment me the way I would want to be complimented and it hurts so so much. It crushes me. (I also have rlly bad PTSD)
How do you know he likes those things? I’m just curious if you’re making assumptions or if he’s doing things that will obviously contribute to your insecurity, such as following a lot of women he finds attractive and spending time engaging with their content online, or if he turns his head and looks at other women for too long in the street, etc.
Because if that’s the case, you should date someone more respectful. I’ve been called insecure by exes 100 times, turns out I only feel that way if I’m in a relationship where I don’t feel respected. In my now much healthier relationship, I am totally secure in myself and our bond because he doesn’t do anything to make me question it. The fact your boyfriend has only called you pretty a couple times is really sad. You deserve some level of validation and reassurance from your partner, it’s normal to want or even expect that.
Be careful. Relying on your bf to soothe your inner feelings of inadequacy puts a burden on him. And on your relationship.