Hey, so my sister (33F)—who lives abroad—is visiting us this summer. She has two kids: a 6-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. A couple of months ago, her husband was caught cheating, so they’re getting a divorce.
I only have sisters, so aside from my dad, I’m the only man in the family. But I don’t think they’re particularly close (she was adopted into our family when she was 12/13) That makes me feel like I should step up and be more present in her life.
The divorce seems final (the piece of shit is apparently staying with the other woman), and I want to support my sister the best I can. But since I’m so socially awkward, I’m not sure how to go about it without being weird.
I’d really appreciate advice on how to interact with her in a supportive way, and especially how to be present in her kids’ lives. I don’t my niece who I love to death and is cute as hell to be affected too deeply by her piece of shit father , and I want to be a positive presence in their lives.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Tl;dr: my sister who lives abroad got divorced,she’s visiting and I want to support her and her kids,how can I do that ?
Comments
Yo dude, first off, major props for being the supportive bro. Now, IMO, overt advice can backfire big time. Instead, be the listener she needs rn.
Just be there and offer support and help. Dont overthink it … go with the love you feel in your heart 🖤
Start by having an open and honest conversation with your sister. Let her know that you’re there for her and that she can talk to you about anything she’s comfortable sharing. Sometimes, just knowing someone is willing to listen can be incredibly comforting
You can’t prevent hurt. You also can’t fix what others have broken. Your sister will likely go back to her other country after this vacation, so you can’t be a permanent impact. But you can make sure your niblings have good memories of this summer and check up on your sister and how she’s doing. Simply giving her some solo time by taking care of the kids is going to be something she’ll appreciate. And kids don’t really care about awkward that much at their ages.
Your sister is the one who’ll have to make her arrangements. If you want to give advice, look at practical stuff like that with her. Allow sister to be pampered a bit by your parents if they are around. You aren’t superclose with her and there’s probably a layer of shame and anger going she won’t show you, but may spill to your parents. So just give her opportunity to do that.
Ask your sister how you can best support her – then do that.
Don’t badmouth the dad to the kids and be careful assuming they aren’t listening – kids hear and understand more than we give them credit for. I know he cheated, but when kids hear their parents being badmouthed, they internalize it as if they’re bad. This is why foster parents are also advised not to badmouth bio parents, even when the bio parent physically abused the kids – it only hurts the kids more.
Just focus on your love for your sister and the kids. Let them know they’re loved and have a lot of supportive family.
Just be the fun uncle and a safe space for her to talk. U don’t have to fix anything, just listen and spend time with them. Little things like that matter more than big gestures.