I (27F) struggle to effectively communicate what’s going on with me to my partner of 8 years (29M).
I have a lot of childhood trauma. TLDR, my dad passed away when ai was 16 and my mother has financially and emotionally abused me for as long as I can remember. As a result I struggle with genuine friendships and being vulnerable with people generally and use hobbies, work, superficial social situations to promote a very brave, fine and successful image of myself.
But recently my partner feels like I’m not opening up to them as well as I should. He’s not the best at asking deep questions but I tend to answer his olive branches with brief answers.
My therapist tells me I have a box of suppressed experiences and emotions and I’m afraid of going into the box myself, let alone with anyone else and my therapist is slowly working me through this.
But I would love to know if there’s a framework that people use to communicate what’s going on with them to their SO. Like when they want to be let in, what do I need to communicate to let them in?
Does anyone have any methods or frameworks they follow?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Honestly for me it’s as easy as taking a beat when my partner asks how I’m doing.
I’m a lot like you, my instinct is always to brush off bad things and try to keep them to myself so I don’t burden others and so I don’t need to process them.
I’m still not great about it but after many talks with my partner about how frustrating it is that I can’t open up until my emotions boil over, I started actually thinking how I am doing when he asks me.
If I say “not great” or just state an negative emotion he knows I still need a bit help so he prompts me with “would you like to talk” or something similar.
I’m still really struggling with starting these conversations without him asking me first but I think this has helped.
After eight years? And, what, this was like all of the sudden? Or did something happen as of lately to make you feel less inclined to share your true emotions with your partner?