My boyfriend looks at celeb nudes and other porn very regularly. He will watch videos of sex scenes and anything where they will get their tits out. He is still doing this despite knowing I have issues with it.
The issues stem from about 9-12 months ago. He stopped being intimate with me and was extremely avoidant every time I tried to engage physically with him, but every day he would be wanking. My confidence was and still is in tatters. He had issues going on with something semi-unrelated that he didn’t tell me about which was essentially leading to him wanking so often and not wanting me.
I’m obsessed with seeing how often he’s been looking at other women even though I know it’s hurts me. It genuinely takes over so many of my thoughts that I hate leaving him alone because he’ll be looking at someone else, that I can’t watch certain things in case he goes specifically looking for women’s nudes from it or that he’s only recommending something because he’s seen a sex scene from it. He has told me multiple times that it’s just something he likes to view and since my meltdowns he struggles to wank any more because of how much I flew off. But he will still watch it almost daily.
We have a camera in the living room for our dog and I can see when he’s been watching something because he gets hard. He feels like it’s different because he’s not wanking now, but I don’t because he’s only not wanking because he’s having issues with that.
Porn usage in a relationship is something I’ve never struggled with before but I think after feeling so unwanted previously by him due to him looking at porn, this feels entirely different. It’s genuinely feels like he’s cheating on me whenever I see it or he makes a comment. I actually watched a girl flirt with him in person in front of my face the other day and wasn’t really phased by it and trusted him completely in that situation, but the porn feels different because I’ve been so hurt by him with it in the past.
How am I ever going to move on from this or is my relationship actually ruined? I get trapped in such negative cycles of thinking around it and would genuinely use the word obsessed to describe the way I feel about it. I know people watch porn and I know my boyfriend has a different relationship to it than I and we’ve had many conversations about that but I still can’t help feeling betrayed every fucking time. It’s in the background of everything for me and I can’t turn it off.
TLDR; my boyfriend was wanking so much it put a massive strain on our relationship about 9 months ago. I’m still obsessed with finding out if he’s been watching porn now which is causing huge negative impacts on our relationship and myself. I trust him in all other aspects and this is the only thing I really get jealous about or go on at him for. But he won’t stop viewing it. I feel like I can’t catch a break as he views it so often.
Will I ever feel better about this/stop thinking so much about it or will this have ruined our relationship?
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Sounds like a porn addiction to me, he’s too old to be acting like that. If he isn’t able to get off then he’s doing the choke hold too
As someone who was married to a porn addict (amongst many other relationship issues, but this is how it really started). It never got better for me, my self esteem was destroyed. Being okay with your partner watching porn isn’t the same as a porn addiction, this is effecting your trust and self worth in the relationship and he seems to not care. Your thought process seems really similar to mine and I gotta say.. if it’s that bad, leave. Don’t let it destroy you anymore, he’s made his choices. It’s so freeing to not be trapped in that endless cycle of not feeling wanted over women he can’t even touch.
You have absolutely every right to be bothered. The fact that he knows that you have an issue with it and still is looking at other women is a huge sign of disrespect. If he sees how it hurts you and continues to put viewing other women over his partner, I personally feel like you deserve much better than that. If you really want to make it work, maybe try suggesting therapy as porn addiction is a very real thing. However, judging by his lack of care for your feelings on this issue up to this point, I doubt he would be willing to do that. You shouldn’t have to change your boundaries or shrink your feelings so that he can keep jorking it to strangers. If he isn’t willing to give up porn to stop hurting you, he isn’t the person you want to spend your life with. Find someone who wants to see your body and your body only. They’re out there I promise.
Why are you with him?
Is this what you want to be remembered for?
I think it is not only about porn but about addiction. He is harming himself and this puts you also in the blast area. I am super against watching porn and stopped watching it all together, but even when I did – I was trying to make no impact on my relationship nor on my sex life.
It seems taht your BF doesn’t give a shit about your feelings and concerns with porn. Again – I don’t really see porn as something terrible, but he seems to be way way way too far with this addction.
Anyway – I think it is time to have converstation with him about improvements, I think realisticly there is not much a perspective of him quitting porn completely. I would suggest to ask him to watch in only on weekends. No more porn during the week, and just monitor his behaviou after a while.
When you are obssesed with porn, you don’t see how obssesed you are, only by limiting porn he might notice how his sleep quality improve, how is mood is more stable and how much he likes to fuck IRL
Try to talk to him
Samjhane ki koshish kro usey kaise effect krri h ye chize tumhare relation ko
If he gets it good otherwise yk what to do
Just dump this loser already.