Hi everyone,
I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for years now. Overall things are good, but we’ve been running into a recurring issue, and I’d appreciate some advice.
Whenever I repost, like, or talk about fictional characters (from books, movies, or games) or mention a celebrity is attractive, he says it makes him feel disrespected. He feels like it crosses a line, but for me, it’s just a fun way to enjoy stories and fandoms. I’ve tried reassuring him that I only want to be with him, but it still seems to bother him.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also want to feel like I can be myself without causing arguments. For those who have dealt with something similar:
How did you reassure your partner in this situation?
Are there healthy boundaries or compromises that work?
How do I approach this without making him feel insecure or making myself feel restricted?
Any advice would really help. Thanks!
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I kinda get his point for the celebrities, because those are real people. I don’t understand why he has a problem with fictional characters though. The easiest solution for all would be to stop talking about other people’s attractiveness, it shouldn’t be too hard to do.
The solution is to not date an insecure child.
There is not enough love in the world that will fix someone who feels insecure.
You have 2 options, stop bringing it up
Or walk.
Now I know the second seems brash, but if hes getting this upset about fictional and people you’ll likely never meet, I can only imagine his reaction when youre out and he sees some random guy come say hi
Imagine being a grown-ass man and getting jealous of fictional characters. Is he 26 or 6?
More importantly, is this how you want to spend the rest of your adult life? Walking on eggshells and not talking about things you enjoy because some insecure man-child is going to get jealous of the characters you like?
Reassure him that he is the only person you find attractive because you love him lol? If that’s not true maybe you haven’t found someone you love. Im sure he just wants to hear that you would pick him over any of those “crushes,” but then again if he has a problem with this and you don’t, you do not sound compatible. You should find someone okay with you finding others attractive whether real or not and he should find someone that only has eyes for him. Or dont!
It sounds like he doesn’t have a fantasy life, like the way people like us involved in fandom do, so he doesn’t understand at all how sharp that line is.
I would ask him what he daydreams about. He must have some. Maybe not the same kind as yours, but it would be interesting to learn about. Keep that road open. Don’t let him off the hook.
Definitely don’t let him restrict you, and don’t let him misuse the words “boundary” (that only means things you yourself will or will not do, not what your partner can or can’t do) or “respect” (it is not a synonym of “obedience”).
But I’m quite serious about gently pressing him on his own daydreams and fantasies. Not in a guilt-trippy way, in a sincere-curiosity sort of way. There might be something in the back of his own mind contributing to his fear about yours.
I find it disrespectful to be gushing over a crush on someone else too.
That doesn’t make either of you wrong, just incompatible.