I (33f) am pregnant. It is the first child for my partner (30m) and I. We have been together for 2 years.
My partner has a lot of scepticism and fear around vaccines. I see what is happening in the US and I want to make sure our child is protected.
We have had a lot of discussions about vaccination. He wants me to present studies about safety but also talks about how you can’t trust research as it has been corrupted.
How can I help him to see the benefits of vaccination and accept that our child will be vaccinated?
I’d love tips from anyone who has been through something similar.
I’m worried it’s going to end our relationship. I always give in to my partners but I can’t give in on this and leave my child vulnerable just to keep him happy. What can I do?
TL;DR My partner is scared to vaccinate our unborn child. I do not want to leave our baby unprotected. How can I help him to see the benefits of protecting a baby from disease?
Comments
CLARIFICATION: Is he against all vaccines?
Have you tried showing him photos of dead children from entirely preventable diseases?
Do you have a poa in place for when you give birth? You ought to name someone who shares your medical beliefs as they will be making the decisions about your body should you be incapacitated. My concern is that he would object to say a blood transfusion, which could be a fatal choice for you.
So, he wants you to present evidence that vaccines work but told you ahead of time that he’s not going to believe your evidence? I’d be asking him what he’s hoping to accomplish there.
Honestly, if he won’t be reasonable, just make it clear that you are going to vaccinate your child, and he can get on board or not.
This is a conversation for him to have with a doctor who is better informed on both how to interpret these studies and how to communicate the research to laypeople.
That’s, of course, if he’s genuinely open to having his mind changed on the matter.
Ugh. Preventing disease in little kids was such a miracle of the last century we’re all about to lose.
No facts we tell you will matter. He’s decided he’s an authority and lives in the online conspiracy quarters. In his defense, he has representatives that push this at the federal level, so he’s even more validated now.
Find a doctor that will speak to you on this topic and ask they very clearly detail the impacts of preventable diseases on kids. Ask the doctor to state their real world experience. The one person he may defer to is someone in real life that does have authority. Most doctors will go along with a slower rollout on vaccines (so you stagger them) due to this whole thing.
The bigger issue is how are you going to raise a kid together? What happens if you child does have autism or something else BS antivaxxers blame vaccines for?
Biggest issue is he gets whacky ideas and as you state, you roll over and give in because he doesn’t hear you and wears you down. Write a list of things you are inflexible on in raising your kid and keep it somewhere close because this will be the pattern. Consider couple’s counseling now (but also vet them for not being anti-vax).
Since you actually are looking for ideas to try to convince him my recommendation would be to make a list of all the vaccines you want to give and the corresponding illness that it is meant to prevent. Then show what the risks are if they were to catch each virus and have a bad outcome (eg. brain damage, death etc.). Maybe you could get him on board with the more vital ones and agree to pass on the less urgent (rotavirus, chickenpox). You could express you understand his concerns but on the other hand if they die of xyz it would be worse than the risks of the vaccines that he’s worried about. I’m trying to give a somewhat balanced solution.
Why isn’t he being expected to present a bunch of research to convince you not to vaccinate the baby?
Babe, just get the baby vaccinated. Every guy I know who “doesn’t trust” vaccines also can’t be bothered enough to know when the baby is due for any sort of check up or what the milestones are. Guarantee you he’s not going to be going to every doctor appointment with you or paying attention in any sort of meaningful way. Ask him now if he knows the name of your doctor or what the level of development is for your baby at this stage of gestation. He won’t. When it’s time for the vaccine just get it done and don’t mention it to him.
If you don’t feel comfortable just smiling in his face and doing what you know is right, then just tell him he can go to the drs appointments with you and ask the doctor whatever he wants. It’s not your job to convince him.
First question might be what specifically do you think your child is vulnerable to that you think they need to be vaccinated against? You should be giving as few shots as needed, so it would help to have a nuanced discussion with him about which diseases specifically you’re concerned about and see if he’s okay with spacing out the shots as far from each other as possible to minimize interaction side affects.
Tell him to ask chatgpt based on current information sources how many are going to die from measles in the usa
The alternative is a modified schedule. I’d use that to see if there’s a middle ground.
Watch Dr. Mike on YouTube. He has so much on this!
Take a walk in a cemetery. There is usually a children’s part but if not the whole cemetery. That should clear it up for him real quick.
Watch a few documentaries about Polio, Measles and the Spanish flu. Then tell your SO to leave Facebook and Twitter until he has developed critical thinking.
You can’t reason someone out of thinking something they didn’t reason themselves into in the first place.
His opinion is not based on facts or logic, so neither of those things will matter.
Why you chose to have a child with someone that wants your child to suffer with preventable diseases I’ll never understand.
Just get that baby vaccinated no matter what. It’s easy for him to say don’t do it when he’s had his vaccines and he’s not the one that’s going to suffer.
Does he have a deeper reason like health anxiety or a previous reaction that is causing his skepticism? Or is it more surface level from things he’s seen on social media?
Because you’d definitely approach those 2 things differently. The more surface level objections might be more impossible to overcome because they aren’t based in reality. You can’t logic yourself out of a belief you didn’t logic yourself into. But you can try using things like Socratic questioning to try and get him to understand why he thinks vaccines are unsafe.
If he has a more fear based hesitancy, therapy would be beneficial. I have never been antivax and absolutely believe they are critically important, but I’m reluctant to take them myself because of previous reactions to medications that have caused lifelong health condition. And I still took the COVID vaccine and booster because I was more afraid of the effects of COVID. Health anxiety is best treated by exposure therapy, as it’s a form of OCD. Avoiding it and obsessing about potential side effects will just make it worse.
Have him talk to your pediatrician. Let the doctor fact check him, not the Internet.
You might have some luck asking this over in r/QAnonCasualties, it’s a subreddit for people whose loved ones have gotten sucked into conspiracy theory bullshit, but, unfortunately, it’s difficult to convince people like this that they’re wrong. I’ve heard that sometimes, the only way to get people to snap out of this is to basically threaten to cut them off/go no contact/break up with them, but that only works about 10% of the time.
That said, I agree with what everyone else is saying. Your child’s protection takes priority over whatever stupid bullshit your partner is spouting. Take your kid to get their vaccines and don’t tell him. Please don’t let your child become ill, permanently disabled, or even die of easily preventable diseases.