TLDR: I need advice on how I can make my reassurance to my girlfriend more substantial and meaningful
My girlfriend 19F and I 18M have been dating for 7 months and are doing long distance for the summer. She is my first girlfriend and I love her a lot, but she told me this morning that my reassurance doesn’t work on her. I try really hard to understand how she’s feeling, but her and I have different insecurities and ways of dealing with them, and she is convinced that I can’t understand the way she’s feeling without actually feeling that way myself. Whenever she tries to tell me how she feels, I try to offer her reassurance but it feels like it almost never gets through to her. She told me this morning that when I do reassure her it sounds like I’m being sarcastic sometimes, but she knows I’m not trying to be. I tell her she’s beautiful multiple times a day, that I love her so much, how much she means to me, and I like to think I prove these things through my actions. I need to figure out a more deep and specific way to reassure her. She is an incredibly eloquent speaker, and sometimes when she explains how she’s feeling it’s hard for me to keep track of everything she’s mentioning in my head, and sometimes my reassurance, although coming from a good place makes it worse. I am a very blunt person, and I think what works for me reassurance wise doesn’t work for her. As well, when I tell her to tell me how I can best help her, she tells me that when she “tells me what to say” it doesn’t work. How can I be better at reassuring her if I don’t necessarily feel the same way she does, or don’t know exactly how she’s feeling and what to say? I’ve done a lot of research on how to better reassure her and I think I’m on the right track, if anyone who has gone through something like this could offer some advice or tips I’d really appreciate it
Comments
What exactly is it that you need to constantly reassure her about? What is she doing to deal with whatever issue is causing her to need this frequent reassurance?
….what does she need reassurance for?