I’m here in search for help to either be a more sensitive person or a better listener. Lately, I’ve been finding myself in circumstances with female family members, and sometimes my fiancé where I said something to upset someone where my comment came from the heart. Weight gain depression for example. I felt that rather than complaining about it,doing something about it out at least the attempt at it can accomplish far better results. I was met with some unkind resistance. I Also want to stop trying to help people solve their problems. I don’t have all the answers. And I feel that I don’t act as if I do, but my opinion is often requested. I am here to learn and change if need be! Please help
How can I become a better listener to people who just want to be heard?
r/AskMen
Comments
I really respect how self-aware and open you are about this ,that alone already makes you a better listener than most. Sometimes, people just want a soft place to land, not a solution. Just knowing someone sees them, without judgment or fixing, can be healing. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being present , and from what you’ve shared, I think you’re already halfway there.
One of the things that helped me the most with ny wife is asking if she just wants to vent, or wants feedback/advice.
Listen and empathize. Most people aren’t looking for answers and just want to get something off their chest. We’d need less therapists if we could just listen and empathize.
You gotta understand most ppl but especially women don’t actually want the truth, they wanna live a lie and are happy that way. The fat girl doesn’t wanna workout or else she’ll do it, she just wants to complain about it and have you sit there and take it
In order to be helpful, you have to know what other people want.
That means asking them, listening attentively to their response, and then asking an exhaustive sequence of relevant follow up questions until you have a genuinely complete picture of another person’s perspective.
Then in order to confirm your understanding, use phrases such as the following:
‘What I’m hearing is…’
‘It seems like you’re asking me for…’
‘Would it be helpful for me to..’