I saw a post similar to this on here a bit ago and I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been in my relationship for almost 3 years now but we are long distance and the issue is that he’s in a totally different country to me (yes we’ve met, of course we have) and all of the comments in the other post was saying “Call the police, they’ll do something about it.” I literally can’t do that. I’m so stuck and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried breaking up with him many times before because this is just so mentally bad for me and even when things seem okay, a lot of things he said to me in the past and did to me in the past still take a huge toll on me and I think about them almost everyday. I once told him I’d never be the same again and I haven’t been but I don’t think he even cares. I’m afraid that I’m going to waste my whole life being in a relationship with him just because I’m an empath, and I’m afraid that if I leave him, he’ll hurt himself, or worse, kill himself, and it really will be all my fault.
I can’t fly to him. I can’t help him.
He’s not as depressed anymore, but that’s because of me. He’s extremely dependent on me and even if we just stay friends then he says he might just lose hope and kill himself anyway because he can’t bear to see me with anyone else.
I don’t want people to say “If he kills himself, it’s his choice. It’s not on you, and you’re not responsible for it.” But I am. It would literally be my fault. Like he would still be alive if I stayed. I’m basically his lifeline. He’s tried killing himself multiple times before in our relationship. I know he’ll do it.
Despite what the title says, I know this is a really hard situation to navigate and even just some solace and/or understanding would really help me. Thank you for reading
How can I break up my boyfriend when he says he will kill himself if I do and I know that he will?
r/Advice
Comments
you are allowing him to manipulate you. you are either in a codependent relationship or what i think is more likely is that you are his puppet and he is your puppet master. he does not get to control you or your life. you can try to gray rock him and make him bored of you. I suggest though that you just tell him its over and block him. You do not deserve to hear whatever manipulative tactics he will try to use to worm his way back in. there is absolutely nothing healthy about this.
He needs to be institutiionalized. Inform someone of his intent, call in a 5150 hold. 3 -5 days in a mental hospital might convince him to stop the BS.
since its a long distance relationship…slowly drift away
It’s on him for getting into a long distance relationship when he’s so emotionally unhealthy.
What was going to be the plan for this relationship anyway? What kind of future would you have even aside from his mental health?
How old are you guys?
You want solace and understanding for allowing yourself to stay stuck or do you want advice?
Don’t answer every text or call. Take less calls. Keep them short. Slowly separate. You DESERVE a life of your own not controlled by someone else. I wish you luck.
Threatening suicide if you break up with him is the lowest thing anyone could say.
It’s extremely manipulative and in reality, who would really want someone to stay if you threaten them with this.
I can’t understand how anyone would want the other to stay if they’re unhappy and want out.
It’s not like the threat will make the other person love them more.
If someone wants to leave you have to accept it.
Suicide threats are desperate, immature, and ultimately damaging. If you stay you will resent the hell out of him and end up despising him.
He doesn’t deal with mature communication.
You’ve got to do it and not worry about him.
Chances are this is a major play of desperation and he won’t follow thru.
If he’s done this “multiple” times in your relationship already, he is actually manipulating you with suicidal “gestures”.
He’s got serious issues you don’t won’t to sign up for.
Tell him to grow up and move on. Its not your fault if he kills him self. He is selfish and only think about him self. Dont have any guilt!
What he does is not on you. If you think he’s a harm to himself, call emergency services and let them deal with it. He’s not your responsibility.
Maybe he has bpd.
Block him.
Yeah I know you said you don’t want to hear this but it really wouldn’t be your fault if he did that. Yes, he wouldn’t do it if you were still with him, but it is still his choice and that makes it his fault. It is completely irrational to expect you to live your entire life with someone you don’t love anymore.
And that’s if he even does it. Listen, I’ve said the same thing to someone when I was in my teens. It’s not something I’m proud of looking back, but the point I’m trying to make here is that I never intended to go through with it. It was just a ploy to keep the girl I was dating with me.
And honestly that’s the case for most people who come out with this threat.
You laugh and tell him to get over it and walk tf out.
When people do this- manipulation.
Call them. They will put him on a psych hold.
Go in and see them at your closest station. They will accompany you when you tell him and they will take it from there.
Then change your number and cut off anything where he can reach you.
Simple.
You break up with him.
Record it and share to some authorities. He needs to be in a mental institution.
No no no. That would NOT be your fault. I had a boyfriend when I was 15 that pulled this. I am super sensitive and was terrified of holding this guy’s life in my decision. It was a horrible relationship, truly bad, and I stayed for months because of this guilt and burden of his life vs my happiness with leaving. I was so young and scared.
I remember one day finally putting my foot down, terrified, and said (yet again) I was done. He threated AGAIN to do this, and I said THAT’S ON YOU. YOUR choice, this is your decision, and I am not responsible for anything you CHOSE to do! That will NOT be on me! I will not go though this anymore, and whatever you chose to do after is all…on…you.
I never saw him after that (he had drop out of school). I let it all go. I moved out of the small suburb and eventually got pregnant and was raising my daughter at around 22 years old. I went back to this suburb in the neighborhood of a family member that lived there to visit.
You know what I drove past? That SOB riding with a group of people in a f-ing convertible, top down, so I had a good look. It was him.
I learned a lesson. People will manipulate you into doing whatever they want sometimes. We can’t hold ourselves responsible for what they chose to do, their actions, and their decisions. Sometimes you MUST chose what is best for you and let their cards fall where they fall.
You can always reach out to cops for a wellness check, tell them you feel (get it in texts or record the convo) they are a threat to themselves. Other than that, there was your good deed back, and wipe your hands of this situation.
There’s no winning in this situation. Leave him if you want to. If he kills him self then he kills him self. That is his right
You have to know, that if that would really trigger suicide then lots of other things could also trigger it. Most likely he knows that it keeps you around and he is using the threat to control you.
You are not saving his life by staying together and being miserable.
Do you know any of his friends or family?
If so let him know his threats so you can pass the “responsibility” to them.
Regardless. Break up, cut all contact, block, delete.
Move on with your life assuming he was just threatening and not truly serious, or knowing that if the worst was to happen it would have happened anyway and you are NOT responsible for someone else’s actions
if you stay with someone who is threatening violence against himself, you are risking them committing violence against you. What you need to do is pass any information you have on the authorities so this person can get mental health treatment. You need to leave before he kills you.
Encourage him to start therapy. Encourage and plan hang outs with his friends more. Wait a bit, maybe a month to make sure he does these things in a consistent manner. Break up with him, tell his friends you’re worried about his mental health thereafter and check up on him from a distance for just a little while.
Block him on everything though.
When I was in this situation I told him i didn’t want that (for him to off himself) and I told him that would be his own action. I told him I didn’t want that and I would hope he wouldn’t do that and that if he did I would never doubt that it was not my choice. I would never blame myself. Well of course he didn’t like that and called me cruel but I was just like hey I can’t control you.
It’s a manipulation tactic plain and simple. Just get shorter with your responses, less emotional. You can say something like, it seems like the further we get into this relationship the more depressed you seem even though you tell me I’m the only one that makes you happy. I can see this isn’t healthy for us so let’s go seperate ways.
This is so unhealthy and abnormal plus sad you are living this . He is NOT your Responsibility ! HE needs to take care of his mental health .
Leave him and if this occurs do not carry this burden !
Thats his problem. Not yours. Master manipulation and a red flag in general. Its not your job to keep him from self harm. It’s a vicious cycle.. GTFO
It would not be your fault if he did it. If he’s weaponizing suicide routinely for control, and in a different country, then you need to drop him. He is a BAD PERSON. You’re already letting him kill you slowly. Not hard to navigate at all. He’s toxic, long distance and not your problem.
Well if you don’t want the good advice people are going to give , why waste time typing all that ?
You’re going to be used and miserable forever because you’re taking accountability for someone else’s behavior and allowing them to control you with threats. Good luck with that.
Also if he’s “tried killing himself multiple times” he’s not really trying to die, he wants attention. He needs to be evaluated and honestly you do too.
This is called emotional blackmail. He is manipulating and controlling you with his threats.
Contact his family and friends.
Contact his local police.
Then dump him and block him on everything.
FYI just as you have no control over anyone other than yourself, you also are not responsible for any choices, actions someone else takes.
Really feel for you in this hugely difficult situation hun, I really recommend that you get your bf on a life insurance policy that protects you and your children’s future before having any potentially deathly conversations with this man. Shoot me a PM if you need details of a broker or policy that will work in this situation – 57 yr old millionaire with 3 ex 😉😉 wives, retired in Hawaii x