My husband and I moved to a small Texas city for his job and we live in a barely bigger than a studio apartment with our two cats. We recently found out we are expecting a baby, which was a surprise because I’m on birth control and he wears protection, but right before we found out we signed another year on the lease to end in next June. Problem is when we went to the doctor, we found out I’m three, pushing four months pregnant (I’ve just had no symptoms until recently) and I can’t imagine trying to live with a baby in this small apartment.
His work friends have given us a bassinet, baby swing, play mat, and bouncer which has taken up all of the remaining space in our apartment. I keep trying to tell him how much we need to have for the baby including clothes, changing table, a crib, diapers, etc and that we won’t have the space, but he says we’re not leaving the apartment until our lease is up. I am genuinely starting to stress about trying to care for a baby in this small place while trying to co exist with two cats and my husband. It’s just not possible. The bassinet alone would talk up all the room we have left in our bedroom and leave us with no access to our bathroom.
I don’t know how to talk to him about it more than I have. He gets mad every time I bring it up, saying he’s not breaking the lease and that I just need to figure it out with where to put stuff. I feel like I might have a mental break if we’re still here when the baby comes. How do I convince him?
Comments
It’s reckless to ignore how much a newborn will upend your life because babies don’t pause for cramped spaces or stubborn pride. If he won’t bend for comfort remind him you’ll break without it and that’s a far greater cost than breaking a lease.
Girl you’re nesting in a shoebox with bonus cats. This isn’t about decor it’s basic survival. Sit him down and say ‘either we break the lease or I break down.
You don’t. At this point, it’s time to put your foot down.
“I will not be living in this apartment when we get a child. Yes, I mean exactly what you think I mean. Make your choice.”
Why not contact the landlord and ask about breaking the lease due to unforeseen circumstances OR optionally offer at least transfer of the lease? Some people might have a heart, you know. Chances or they won’t, but it’s possible.
Ask your landlord if he has a larger rental ?? And explain situation.. they are not all bad
Have you explored why he’s so adamant on staying?
I’ve got a hunch that it’s one big change too much for him while he’s processing. If you can at all visit a family with a baby so he can get an idea of the mess coming
Is it due to not being able to afford a bigger place or him just being stubborn not wanting to look into breaking the lease. If it is the first one then, not much you can do about it. If it is the latter then that is not a good sign. Partnership means both have a say and working on the issue to resolve it, not here is MY decision, deal with it.
Contact your landlord and ask it they have bigger units available. Put together a plan of viable options and present them to him.
It’s not only you who needs to figure out where to put things. It needs to be a team effort. If he doesn’t, then you need to tell him to stop accepting gifts from people in his office. They are obviously wanting to get rid of these things because they take up a lot of space in their homes.
More importantly, I think you also need to step back, not stress out about it, and give him time to process and absorb this unexpected life altering situation. Perhaps he is freaking out about finances and how he is going to provide for his family. You just found out this news and clearly you were doing a lot to avoid getting pregnant, so it’s going to be a big adjustment.
Before you do anything, you should probably start talking about where each of you are at mentally and emotionally with this unexpected blessing!
Contact the landlord on your own, and explain the situation. Ask if there is a larger unit available that you can transfer the lease to. Depending on your lease terms, you may already be at max capacity for that unit, and will have to move regardless of what your spouse wants.
Who’s lease is the name in? He can decide to not break the lease all he wants but you still can. Maybe break it all the way back to your family back home, if he’s busy playing Mr King of the Shoebox apartment. This kind of BS doesn’t get better.
Why is it up to you to “work it out”? You both live there, and you both made this baby, instead of shutting you down he should be working with you. Not to stress you out more but once the baby is here, it’s going to be a hundred times harder to find a new place and physically move there. He needs to get his head around it way before the baby comes.
Breaking a lease can become costly. Especially if you all are one income. If you do work, or could work, then you all could save up to pay your lease and save up towards your next place. Hopefully your landlord can work with you and get you into a larger rental.
Sounds like he is done talking about it- and you need to find out if there is something going on with him? Is he worried about money? Is he secretly stressed about the unplanned pregnancy? Worried about becoming a father? Maybe instead of bringing him your stress and issues (I am not being critical of you here, you are rightly stressed about the situation and the nesting instinct is strong) you could maybe find some solutions, one poster suggested approaching the landlord to see if they have a bigger rental available. If breaking the lease is not an option, you are looking at about 6-7 months after the birth in the current apartment. Only get baby items you really need for 0-7 months, and go for space saving options for example you can get a crib that clips on to the side of your bed that will take up less space than a bassinet. Good luck with everything girl.