I turn 25 on the 20th of this month and I’m living with my parents because my work is closest to their place, and my mum keeps saying that by the time I turn 25 she wants me to keep my stuffed animals in my wardrobe instead of on my bed and to take down the fairy lights I have in my room.
I said “Oh yes, God forbid I have anything fun in my room,” and she was like “you’re 25, soft toys and lights are fun for you?” I said “yes? Doesn’t harm anyone,” and she said “it’s harmful for your maturity!” and left.
How do I convince her to let it go and just let me have things I like in my room?
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Display that your maturity is doing just fine by being independent, do your own laundry, wash your dishes, etc.
Uh, it’s your fn’ property?
I’m 44 and still got a couple stuffies on my bed.
Even if it were “harmful to maturity” ..there are studies on how forcing maturity is very harmful. Just thinking of it from mom pov. So I’m guessing there might be a different reason that what she’s saying. But if reasoning with her isn’t fruitful, you should take the stuffed toys and place them in the back window of ur car. Point being chances are she doesn’t like this “immaturity” of yours, but when push comes to shove, I’d think she’d rather you kept it private, and allow the stuffies to stay on the bed 🙂
Just because you are old enough to be an adult doesn’t mean you need to let your inner child die.
Hobbies and trivial enjoyment are what add color to your life, never let someone else take that away.
As a man in my mid 30s I respect the stuffed animals and if you start asking around I’m sure you’ll find plenty of other guys who agree.
You can’t convince parents like that with logic, it just doesn’t work. She likely knows there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing but she just doesn’t like it for whatever personal reasons, so she won’t let you do it period
I doubt there is much you can say or do to make her change her mind. She sounds controlling.
Are you paying rent? In that case tell her that you don’t need any input on how to decorate your own room, thanks. You can say that in either case, but she sounds like the kind of person who would hit you with a “under my roof” speech lol.
If you’re not paying rent, just try to move out as soon as you can. Or start paying rent, with the understanding that you are in control of the parts of the house you pay for.
I’m 37 and still have stuffed animals. Id actually love to have fairy lights too.
Can you just ignore her? 🥲. I mean is she threatening to kick you out over this? Its really not as big of a deal as shes making it out to be, but if shes concerned about “maturity”, it sounds more like shes concerned with how long you plan to stay with her.
If youve got a decent job, move out. Then you can be independent and keep your fairy lights.
Jeez, your mom sounds like a buzzkill. Saying this as a 44 woman with stuffies on her bed.
I’m 42, and I live on my own. I don’t have stuffed animals on my bed — they’re in the living room, on the shelves. One of them’s on my desk (given to me by my best friend’s kid, so it has a place of honour).
“I’m 25. I’m an adult. I can make that decision for myself.”
It sounds like your mum has some misplaced embarrassment that you haven’t ‘grown up’ like she feels you should. But growing up means something different for everyone, and yours could be enforcing boundaries on how much she can control your space.
You’re working, you have an adult job, and adult money you can spend on fairy lights and soft toys.
A 25 year-old shouldn’t have to use the phrase “my room”. It should be “my house/apartment/condo” – meaning, you live in your own space with your own rules. If you still live in mommy’s house at age 25 you have to live by mommy’s rules.
Unfortunately when you live in someone else’s house you have to live by their rules, however unreasonable.
I personally think stuffies and lights are charming, but your parent has a different sense of style. All you can do is work as hard as you can to get out of there so you can have things your way. Maybe try it with a roommate, checking first to make sure your decorating sense is compatible.
I’m 40, married and we have stuffed toys and fairy lights (from our wedding) in our bedroom.
i mean if you can afford it i’d start looking for places. shit i’m 24 and live with my mom and I definitely have stuff in here that I guess wouldn’t be considered “adult” in society’s eyes lol. If my mom tried controlling that i’d be looking at places asap, I mean you are an adult you can like whatever you like.
Move out and become an independent adult. These type of rules are signs that your parents are ready for you to go. They are telling you that it’s time to grow up and leave the nest.
I have strings of light all over my house, at least 1 stuffy and cute shaped pillows on my bed, most of my bedding came from the kids section bc its cutesier. I’m 34 with a career and a long-term partner. This has nothing to do with maturity.
Pay rent, even a nominal amount to help out with groceries or whatever. I moved back in with my mother in my 20s, and me paying rent made both of us feel a little more comfortable with the situation (iirc she charged 20% of “whatever my income was”). If she has a bee in her bonnet for seemingly no good reason, helping support the household can go a long way to proving you’re a responsible adult (since that’s what a responsible adult would already be doing).
Save up the money you were going to spend on stuffed animals and fairy lights and move out. Then you can decorate your room however you want.
Move out.
Enjoying the things of your childhood does not show immaturity. Combining them in a healthy way with the things needed to be a successful adult shows maturity. I’m 46 and I still buy Lego kits just for me, game, do craft etc alongside looking after kids and a house. I refuse to age how my parents did by giving up all the things that make me happy.
Since your name has “Prince” in it, I’m going to assume you’re bio-male. If this is the case my first assumption is she wants to make you more attractive for women, give her a grand child, and solidify her role to justify her own existence.
Well F her !
Sounds like mom is finally ready to have all rooms of her house look like grown adults live there.
And it is your mom’s house.
Yes, I understand there’s plenty of adults who have stuffed animals and lights, but not all adults are into that aesthetic and sounds like your mom’s one of them that’s not.
She may have allowed this when you were a kid, but now that you’re 25, you’re not a kid and she’s ready to have her house look the way she wants it to look. Maybe there’s a compromise to make. Less stuffies. Maybe only a few compared to what you have now. Maybe less lights or different color lights to give it a more adult appearance. Or maybe you can do something like paint a different color or change out your bedding or curtains or something, to make it seem more adult-like even if you keep the stuffies.
But if your mom won’t budge, I say yes, she should be able to pull the “my house, my rules” and then you can either abide by them or move out.
You can be mature and have fairy lights and stuffed animals on your bed. You can also be very IMMATURE and have neither of those things.
For example, no sane person would go up to an adult and say “You’re immature because your dishware has a flower pattern on it!”.
People like what people like; you can have someone with multiple PhDs watching Bluey for personal enjoyment, and you can have a 9-year-old who is obsessed with literal rocket science.
Even though people have many masks in which they try to pass off as “having maturity”, maturity as a whole is a quality…not an aesthetic.
You’ll likely never convince your mother, because she’s been conditioned to correlate the mask with the quality itself….so just try to do what makes you happy, and feel free to quote me if she needs the reminder of what actual maturity is.
Because maturity is also accepting that people have differing opinions and lifestyles. And having differences in harmless preferences doesn’t make someone else’s harmless preferences “wrong”.
My kid will be 30 this year. They still have stuffed animals and fairy lights. They are more mature than I am sometimes, lol. Fun stuff that makes you feel good and isn’t harmful is a good thing.
The next time she says something, I would just tell her you are keeping them unless she can tell you how they are harming her or her possessions. And I suggest keeping your door closed at all times so she doesn’t have to see your room. If she threatens to “clean” your room, get a lock.
Also, you need to show your maturity. Do you have a job? Do you do your share of housework? Overall, are you a responsible person? If she sees that you are mature despite having stuffies and fairy lights, she may back off.
Que Malicious Compliance. Replace it with terrible creepy options or completely obnoxious ones.
She will prefer the fairy lights soon enough
Take a cue from your mom and move out. She is clearly indicating that “it’s time.”
My son is 32 and he still has the elephant I got when I found out I was pregnant. It makes him feel good so what does it matter? Better that than robbing banks!
Ask questions until she sees the light.
Whats the harm?
Why are you so invested?
Can I not just do my own thing?
If I like it, isnt that all that matters?
Can I reciprocate and tell you things I dont like?
Is this really about stuffed animals or something else?
Are you telling me to leave by making arbitrary rules to make me uncomfortable?
Can I not just have a space that makes me happy?
You get the idea…
Sounds like she just wants you to move out..
Being mature has nothing to do with that, she can just mind her own damn business. My mom stopped getting at me about things because I said ” I have things that make me happy, I value my happiness and you should try that for yourself sometimes” to which she said something like she is happy but I said her style reminds me of prison so now she doesn’t say shit 😂 I’m mean sometimes because really like why TF does it matter? Ask her what being mature is to her and how your style plays into that, you could be doing a lot worse and she could stand to be grateful for that.
There’s nothing she can do to stop you. She should be in your room at all. Treat this like a rental agreement. And she’s being toxic
It sound like your mother still views you as a child she needs to teach acceptable behaviours to and not a fellow adult
This is common in parent-adult child relationships to varying extents, but should not be to this level of control. There are a few things you can try depending on your culture
For me it was telling my mum. “I’m 34. My son is in highschool. I have held jobs where I need to be at work by 630 for years now. I’m an educator of young children. I have completed solo multiday hikes. Yes, I like to lie in bed on my days off but that’s because it’s comfortable. I’m working on things while in bed. I am fully capable of waking up early for a hike. You do not need to set our leave time back later so we catch the heat of the day on my behalf. I think for our travel time we should be out before 530.” She was a bit shocked and it took her time to process but I think she gets that i can be awake at a certain time now.
Dude, she needs to chill out. My friend’s mom is in her 70s and still has stuffed animals on her bed. Having decor that makes you happy isn’t immature. Gross.
It’s her home not yours. She has zero responsibility to house you. Live by her rules/requests or get your own place. If suspect her irritation stems from her wanting you to show you’re an adult by doing adult things like moving out. Your post sounds like a 12 year old whining about her mom.
It’s my room and I can decorate it my way, fairy lights and all.
35, got fairy lights and a bed FULL of stuffies my husband loves my squishi dragon. Tell her to stuff it, and get off your back.
Are you paying rent?
25 and still at home? Time to grow up and stand on your own two feet