My (28F) younger brother (25M) has never been a clean person. My parents, especially my mom, did not raise him to be tidy around the house and her constant nagging about brushing his teeth and washing his hair made him even less likely to ever do it on his own.
I have always been very clean and organized. My mom actually used to pay me to clean his room for hours when we were in elementary school. So he’s always had either my mom or I to do a lot of that stuff for him.
Now that he’s an adult and living on his own, I can’t find a way to get through to him. If I tell him his breath smells, he shrugs it off and says “not my problem”. When I suggest he should clean up before his friends come over (such as the toilet stains or sweeping the crumbs off the floor) he has a sort of “who am I trying to impress?” attitude. He’s gay and most of his friends are girls, and I can only imagine they cringe when they walk in the door and he’s oblivious.
I think it actually comes down to a self confidence/mental health issue more than anything. I’ve spent a lot of the last decade being a “third parent” to him because my parents really dropped the ball. How do I go about approaching this with him? Any conversation about mental health or taking better care of himself would result in him shutting me out.
He has an amazing personality and is such a kind, caring person, and I don’t want my parents’ failures to follow him forever. Has anyone here had a similar experience and might be able to share suggestions? Thank you!
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I think this is not your business, why are you trying to force your values on others of he does not see this as problem and other people who he likes don’t mind this the only one having a problem here is you
He needs to get his heart broken by someone he cares romantically for before changing
You’re a kinder person and sibling than your poor idiot brother deserves.
Sounds like you’re getting a knee jerk reaction based on siblinghood and having been parentified. Also agree with the likelihood that there’s some self confidence/mental illness issue potentially going on.
Maybe enlist one of his friends that you’re also close with to chart a strategy? I’d also suggest picking your battles, like one or two key things (ie bad breath good god, he needs his teeth to last!) rather than everything everywhere all at once. I’m sure you’re doing yeoman’s work. Hang in there and best of luck.
let him be nasty, he’s a grown man. either he’ll get the hint by no one wanting to be around him, or he’ll be fine with his situation
How strange: a man untethered to female standards doesn’t behave the way you want him to? Weird! Clearly this is a problem for you to meddle in.
Just let him be gross. If it works for him it works for him.