My (M44) wife (F41) is going through a period of depression, and I want to support her in any way I can. She has a close friend she hasn’t been in touch with for a while, and I believe hearing from that friend might lift her spirits.
I’m thinking of contacting the friend myself and asking her to reach out. The tricky part is that I don’t want my wife to know I initiated it, because she might feel like I’m interfering or managing her relationships without her consent.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How can I approach this in a respectful, supportive way – without making my wife feel uncomfortable or undermined?
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Don’t do that, please. You’re coming from a good place, but I’d feel quite infantilised and vulnerable if my partner was reaching out to get my friends to talk to me. When I’m really low, I just don’t have the energy to be around friends. If she wants support, she’ll ask for it, and I think she’d rather have an organic conversation than find out her husband arranged it. Otherwise, maybe ask her if she wants to reach out herself and set up a time to see her friend in person to help lift her spirits.
I appreciate the heart but I honestly wouldn’t do that. Why don’t you talk to your wife about reaching out to her friend on her own terms instead? There may be a reason they haven’t been in touch. Also, maybe encourage her to get into therapy or a doctor visit, too?
Don’t do that. It would be interfering and managing her relationships. Whether she finds out or not, that’s what it is and it’s inappropriate.
Instead, you could suggest to your wife that she go out with her friend. “Hey, you haven’t seen so and so in awhile. When are you guys getting together again?”
I know you’re trying to help, but please don’t do that. If she’s depressed & you go behind her back & talk about that with her friend it could very likely be seen as a betrayal. If she wanted her friend to know, she’d tell her.
Encourage her to call her. Encourage her to go out with you. Go to the park & take a walk. Do things you both enjoy together. Getting up, showering, leaving the house, exercising all do more good for a depressed person than having to expend additional emotional energy reconnecting with someone.