Hey everyone,
I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for a while, and for a long time I hated myself for it. I hated how much I liked looking at many women and kept beating myself up. I tried different programs like Fortify to quit, but those efforts often backfired, especially because I have OCD. As soon as I get into any kind of self-improvement, I start pressuring myself too much and spiral into intrusive thoughts and self-loathing.
Things actually got better when I stopped fighting so hard and just accepted that I have a dirty mind and like porn. I still consumed occasionally, but overall I was so much happier and doing better. I even met my girlfriend, who knows about my struggle and is very supportive, I am truly blessed to have her. We even have an absolutely amazing sex life, and that gave me a lot of sexual confidence and should reduce or even erase my need for porn.
But here’s the thing: lately, my usage has started creeping back up – maybe once a week now. It often happens at night, when I’m half asleep, and I suddenly get a strong urge and grab my phone almost like I’m sleepwalking.
So now I’m asking: how can I improve again, but without falling into that toxic cycle of self-hate and pressure? I don’t want to go back to the place where trying to be better just makes me feel worse. Any advice – practical or emotional – is appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
It may seem kinda pathetic or stupid but I tend to look in a mirror and verbally tell myself to move on and not allow guilt and shame to consume me (I’m also religious so I pray too but if your not into that that’s totally fine)
I think you’re a great candidate for IFS and/or EMDR. If you have the money to see a therapist, that is. If not, I’d recommend reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. It can help you understand why your OCD wants to “manage” you so much and can give you an opportunity to even like talk to it and ask it what it needs so it can stop yelling at you.
i truly do believe that once a week is a pretty healthy amount, but if you are 10000% interested in not consuming porn at ALL, i’ve found a tracking app with a community (i use i am sober for my other addictions) helps, as well as talking to a counselor!! good luck 🙂
Imho you are normal to have sexual desire for your age and are self-aware. There is nothing wrong about liking sex/porn as long as it doesn’t consume you or neglect your partner. Anything in moderation is typically okay, do not think you need to be numb and not turned on outside your partner either. Feel free to elaborate if there is more to this.
Write it out homie, you know your whys and how’s and what not more than strangers on the internet. Best of luck dudeN
I used to struggle big time. Which is bold for me to say even as a woman. But I’m serious when I say to have someone put a blocker on your phone and computer and iPad or tablet or whatever. I know you’re probably an adult but I’m dead serious when I say IT HELPS SO MUCH IN THE LONG RUN. I struggled for three years before I got someone to help me like that. It literally feels like withdrawal but I promise it gets better because I’ve been through it. I also have OCD and anxiety and it was very hard, but I don’t feel the need for it anymore and that is when you know you’re healing. Stay safe and I know it’ll be hard but take care of yourself x you’ll love yourself so much more when you can take responsibility and do what is necessary for you to stop without hurting yourself and you’ll be SO proud of yourself when it’s over. I promise you’ll be okay. Prayers for you 🤍 it’s gonna be okay
Maybe just accept it and stop thinking of it as something dirty?
Deviation can be a way to tackle your addiction in my opinion
Start thinking of people as people and not as sex objects. Porn ruins a woman’s life. That is someone’s future mother or daughter degrading herself, usually for money and in a desperate situation.
You should seek counselling and therapy from a professional.
Don’t feel guilt and shame. With all addictions it’s normal to feel guilt and shame but those feelings and emotions only make things worse. Just focus on yourself and make better decisions each day