(27F) Long story short, I’ve been letting people bully me my entire life. Whether it was family, people that called themselves my friends, coworkers or bosses, I constantly shy away from confrontation and allow myself to be a door mat. Things have recently come to a head in my workplace. I’m constantly being disrespected and publicly humiliated, and I just allow it. Everyone at work now knows me as the person that you can say or do anything to, because I’m never going to fight back. I think my fear of confrontation stems from growing up in an abusive household. I was taught early on to shut up and take it, and standing up for anything resulted in being overpowered or physically harmed. I also lack confidence and have this constant fear that if I stand up for myself, the other person is gonna respond by picking me apart and absolutely obliterating me. This is especially the case at work, because I was set up for failure by my bosses, and thrown into a position that I am not prepared for with no mentorship, guidance or support. So, as a result, I let people bully me because I assume that they probably know more than I do, and therefore would dismantle any argument that I may have against them. Things finally came to a head when my boyfriend confronted me. He explained that he’s sick and tired of watching me allow myself to be treated so poorly and that I need to take action or nothing will change. He’s absolutely right, but I don’t know where or how to start. Tomorrow I have a very important meeting at work, and I’ll finally have an opportunity to stand up for myself, but I don’t even know how. Any advice?
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If you feel uncomfortable say so right away. You don’t have to raise ypur voice or find solutions or make excuses. Just say, “That makes me uncomfortable” or say “I’ll get back to you on that”. Either way, you will have more time to think of an appropriate response. It is hard for most of us to come up with a response in the moment and a bully often depends on that. Start stepping up and you will find it does become easier over time.