My life is one that I don’t look forward to. The weekdays are filled with routine and work. At work, I sit in a cubicle by myself, like in a cage. It feels exhausting because I don’t have anyone to talk to and most of my thoughts are in my head. At lunch, while we do eat as a team, everybody’s too quiet and nobody’s really socializing. After work, it’s gym and it’s not something I enjoy but I do it for my health. And then following the diet, and sleep. That’s the routine.
On the weekends, I try to relax and do things for myself. But I always feel like time is running out. I look at the clock continuously, and I hate the feeling I get from looking at certain times. I even feel down when the light goes down because I feel the day is over. Inspite of getting two days to myself, I don’t really do anything. I try to get into hobbies or do things that I like, but it’s not fulfilling. I’m left feeling empty.
At the crux of it all, I feel lonely. I live alone. My thoughts are my own. My happiness my own, my sadness my own. I have cried myself to sleep because of how lonely Ive felt. I’ve forgotten how to talk to people and I’ve become very socially anxious now. I had a joyous energy and a confidence, but life happened, and all of that is gone. I’ve lost connection, meaning and intimacy. Even if I try to connect with my old friends, it just doesn’t click. Sometimes, I feel I’m too needy with them. The only way I get even an inkling of connection, is by making up scenarios in my head and acting out conversations with myself. In these made-up dramas, I’m surrounded by friends and I’m happy.
I want so much more to do in life. I want to explore, feel and live. I want to fall in love and be around friends. I want to have a fulfilled life. All I’ve got now is routine, work, anxiety and loneliness. The only thing that I’m holding on to is my work because it keeps me occupied. I’ve gotten addicted to porn and masturbation because that’s the only way I’ll feel something.
What do I do? I feel unworthy.
Comments
You’re not broken — you’re lonely.
And that pain you feel isn’t weakness, it’s a sign of how deeply you long for connection, meaning, and life beyond survival.
That matters. You matter.
What you described isn’t laziness or apathy. It’s the weight of disconnection.
And no routine — no matter how disciplined — can replace love, belonging, and being seen.
I’ve been in that cycle: work, gym, food, porn, sleep.
And I realized what I was missing wasn’t “more productivity”… it was aliveness.
Here’s what helped me start climbing out:
Let your inner world come out — in safe ways.
Write. Talk out loud to yourself. Cry when you need to.
Emotion needs movement. And loneliness needs voice.
Reconnect slowly — without pressure.
Find one place (online or offline) where people share, not perform.
Even leaving one honest comment per day can start to rebuild connection.
Do one thing this weekend that isn’t optimized — just felt.
Watch a movie that wrecks you. Walk with no plan. Listen to music you haven’t heard since you were 15. Let it open you.
The goal right now isn’t to be better.
It’s to feel again — and let yourself exist fully, even if it hurts.
And no, you’re not too needy. You’re human.
And humans aren’t designed to carry all this alone
You need to set goals for yourself imo. You can break them down, 6 months, a year, 5 years, etc, and start achieving them.
I would focus on material or otherwise clearly objectively defined goals at the start, and hold off on relationship ones. Could be “read 3 non fiction books” or “learn a new skill” or “start an investment account” or whatever.
Women tend to gravitate towards guys who are doing things, and men tend to get more confident when they’ve accomplished things and pushed themselves a little. Both of these help you without having to be direct focuses. Something like “Be confident” is a vague and weird goal.
From a pharmacology standpoint, try oxytocin nasal spray or something along those lines if you want to make conversation or something at lunch, or approach people at the gym, or whatever. It’s a bonding hormone, and might help bridge a feeling of disconnection