2 years ago is when we were newly weds and moved somewhere new, sex declined right then.
I let it be, I was trying to give him time to adjust to the new life we had and I understood that he is depressed. One year later a very close person to him takes their own life, now one year later the healing journey has just begun for him and i dont want to interrupt just because of my needs.
Ok so thats the situation I’m in and here’s my side. I just have been craving to be touched for so long, and I don’t know what to do, I don’t believe we’re in a dead bedroom situation but we are close.
To expand on my question, not only how do I manage myself in this difficult time but WHEN do I start addressing our problems in the bedroom? Is this going to be a years long issue?
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Talk to him about it. Tell him that you’re giving him time to do what he needs to do, but that you miss him and your intimacy. That might at least get his wheels turning. Maybe suggest therapy if he doesn’t do it already.
You’ve already waited a long time. Two years of patience, understanding, and giving him space shows just how much you care. But your needs don’t stop mattering just because he’s grieving. Intimacy isn’t a luxury in a relationship, it’s connection, and you’ve been surviving on crumbs.
You don’t need to wait another year, or even another few months, to bring this up. In fact, the fact that he finally started therapy might actually be the moment to gently reintroduce the conversation, not in a way that pressures him for sex, but in a way that makes it clear that emotional and physical intimacy are a shared part of healing, not something you have to put on hold until he’s “done” grieving.
You can say something like, “I want to keep being patient and understanding, but I also want to be honest. I’ve been feeling really disconnected and untouched for a long time. I know you’re working through a lot, and I’m proud of you for starting therapy, but I miss us. I miss feeling close to you.”
Keep it about closeness, not sex specifically. That leaves room for different kinds of reconnection, kissing, cuddling, even just talking openly about what feels possible right now. It also makes it easier for him to hear without feeling like he’s failing.
You’ve been carrying your part of the relationship and protecting his healing. Now it’s time to ask for shared effort, not in a confrontational way, but with honesty and care. If you keep waiting for the “perfect” moment, you risk drifting into permanent distance. This is a fair time to say, “I love you, I support you, but I need us to start finding our way back.”
vibrator
Does he have a porn addiction? This isn’t normal I’m so sorry maybe ask him to make you videos you can use of himself? That would be cute of him. That way it’s him but if he’s not in the mood neither of you have to be stressed. Maybe have him do a health check up for his testosterone. Wishing you both happiness and clarity!
cuddles! is he comfy with cuddles?
Therapy sounds like the right move here. For the big O needs, I suggest sex toys and cuddling at bed/ on couch well winding down. Make sure your physical connection stays there at least.
Well, you may have to let him know that sex is probably about the best therapy there ever was for most any problem. Or you could just take things into your own hand . Literally, a try of some kind may give you a temporary release until he gets a bit better.
Definitely communicate with him, my husband and I use sex and sexual energy to heal and grow from our pains and griefs.
You start addressing them yesterday.
Have you talked about this with him? What does he say?
Do you make time to connect physically? Have a cuddle or a massage, or literally book time to do the deed.
Do you talk about how to initiate or what the other person would like?
Have you tried just surprising him, maybe in a towel or sexy outfit to see how he reacts? I guess I’m asking if you’ve tried initiating it yourself.
Is counselling as a couple a possibility, to help you have more productive conversations about this?
And when all else fails, go buy yourself something nice on Pinkcherry..
He probably needs his levels checked. Also sounds like he may be going through depression but levels definitely need checked. If he has low T he’s gonna be depressed, not interested, crying, mood swings. Basically like PMS
Just be straightforward. 2 years is way too long. You are his wife. He has a duty to you. This is normally a man’s problem with a wife, not the other way around.
If he’s not able too then ask him whens the last time he got morning wood. If its been a while. Get those T levels checked.
He waited a year to get help after a friend’s suicide? Men really will try anything but therapy. Agree with another poster about getting his testosterone levels checked. When he’s going to his doctor for routine bloodwork, suggest that he add on that test because it’s been shown to be pretty common in men, even younger ones.
If you want to stay with him, get one of your friends and go sex toy shopping. It’s not the same as sex but it should get you through it.
Masterbate.
Toys 🤷🏻♂️