My 20 year old nephew graduated from high school about a year ago. ever since, he has been at his parents house doing nothing. he has no motivation to work or go to college. any time I talk to him about helping him find a job he gets annoyed. for a whole year pretty much all he has been doing is play Roblox all day everyday and be lazy. his dad has told him multiple times that if he does not want to continue school he needs to find a job or he will be kicked out of the house, my nephew is not the type to go out side and do something manly. he is a very nice person but I do see that he still has childlike behavior, very attached to his mom, he seems afraid of the real world. I am starting to worry about him. any advice on how I can motivate him to work and get an education?
How can I motivate my 20 year old nephew to get a job?
r/Advice
Comments
Dad’s gotta act on the threat first
People want to do things. They want to grow. If he is in a slump pressure probably won’t help. Understanding will. Help him find his confidence without creating expectations.
Coddling ruins him he’s not lazy just scared. Use what he loves to spark purpose and push him into real life.
If hes not excited about life in general theres almost nothing you can do to motivate him to get a job and take initiative. Has he travelled at all? That can usually act as a reset switch. Thats just one suggestion. Also youre a great aunt/uncle, goodluck
Mind ur business
Why not like dogsitting / catsitting ? That way he can be working at other people’s homes but also still play his video games?
Unless you have some superpower I am not aware of, you can’t make anyone do anything. The only person you have any control over is yourself – and that isn’t even always true.
Here’s the deal. He is a (young) adult. When he needs help he can ask for it. If you try and give him help he is not asking for it will feel to him that you are pushing him to do something you want and are treating him like a child. That won’t help either of you.
It sounds like people have been trying to give him assistance. Some people don’t really learn anything until all other options are cut off. Maybe your nephew is one of those people.
This is not your circus.
Humans are excellent at adapting, overcoming, and surviving. The problem is, those traits don’t always show unless they are needed.🤔
Kick him out worked for me
He’s 20, not 7. You probably can’t.
Unless you have an unusually close uncle/nephew relationship, his parents are the only ones who can motivate him by actually enacting consequences.
You can be a safe landing place if they do so I’d recommend hard boundaries on him staying and charging at least some amount of rent if you do so.
my nephew did this , then went to the air force in march.. hes the happiest hes ever been and hes now financially independent
Pay him to do things. That’s pretty much how all of us are motivated to get a job.
induce his hunger and lack of accommodations
Honestly, a 20 year old playing Roblox all day is concerning.
And I’m saying this a grown ass man who played Playstation 5 all day.
They can start by cutting off his internet access
Drive by a local underpass or bridge. Ask which accommodations he prefers
Why does he have access to his parents internet?
If they don’t want him to act like a child they should stop enabling his childish behavior. Block his shit off the wifi. He can have internet when he’s in school. Otherwise he has to pay to have access
Employment, education, or training is required to stay in the house. As the uncle the best you can do is have a heart to heart with him about which one of those interests him and try to help find opportunities, but it’s up to Dad to kick him out if he just wants to loaf around all day.
His parents will need to act on the empty threat.
Let his parents do the dirty work..
Not u.
Sadly, I find this attitude to be so prevalent among this generation. It’s mind-boggling. You can’t fix this, because it’s all about HIM finding HIS OWN motivation. As kids, we took on the world and wanted to be adults, wanted our own place to live, etc., so I cannot relate.
Honestly, Dad can’t make threats and not follow through cause son isn’t buying it. If you have the ability to do so, and also if you want to, perhaps Nephew can move in with you. In this way he would be kicked out of his house, reflecting the seriousness of the situation, and you could enforce that he gets a job, goes to school, etc, in order to live with you.
However I also think there’s a possibility that he has depression, resulting in his lack of ambition. Definitely check on his mental health
Have him understand the realization he’s gonna be dealing with if he can’t find a job & no one to support him.
Good luck. I have a 33 yr old that does odd jobs a few hours here and there to get whatever he wants but will not work a full time job. Says he’s not going to be a slave to the system. Technology has people’s minds so screwed up they are losing themselves. Idk what it will take to snap people out of it. Younger people are so addicted to smartphones it’s rare you see them looking up from the screen. I’ve tried everything I can think of to get my son on the right path with no luck whatsoever. Good luck to you. 💙
Our parents always made us pay rent if not in school. To pay rent, you need a job. He doesn’t believe his parents will kick him out.
The big question is why doesn’t he want to continue his life after high school? You said he has childlike behaviour and is overly attached to his Mom… has he seen a doctor for mental health concerns?
Maybe try taking him to the gym, even just doing cardio. His confidence is low and he needs help finding it. I kinda can sorta relate to your nephew. I have been there. What helped me in this time was watching Vitalyzdtv an him encouraging with hitting the gym and well, falling into a deep depression and just me wanting out of it. And I found the gym and eating healthier and reading. I feel the book that really helped me so much is, “Approval Addiction” by Joyce Meyers as well. He may be an approval addict an suffer from it. He may have always been put down in hindsight by his caregivers. May not see this and his caregivers may not as well. But just try talking to him and listen. Don’t listen to respond, listen to understand. Try to be in his shoes. Look up compassionate listening and Oprah on YT. Oprah talks to a munk about compassionate listening. Might give you some clarity. I hope this is helping and I hope he can find his confidence within himself.
“Afraid of the real world” seems to be a key phase that could be the window into deeper issues.
It’s gonna be on mom and dad, if they follow through and kick him out and he shows up at your door, then you can help….for now, advice to his parents is more important than advice to him. An internet connection is his life line to his lifestyle, i’ll leave it there.