So I (25F) was with a guy (31M) for 4 months and he was pretty much abusive. It took me a while to admit it to myself but to name a few things he would slap my arm randomly just to see ‘how hard he could hit me’, screamed at me in front of a restaurant calling me a whore and a slag, flirted with my friends in front of me and videotaped up having sex and sent it to his friend without my permission. We agreed to have a 2 week break because we kept arguing and it was getting intense. I suggested meeting up sooner than the 2 week break because there’s a holiday in the UK this weekend which I have off (which I never do as I’m a bartender). When I suggested this he told me he was really upset that I wasn’t respecting his boundaries because we agreed to have a 2 week break and now he’s blocked me on everything. I rang him using a different number just to talk to him and he called me a stalker and hung up. I’m really upset and feel like I’ll never get closure or say the things I wanted to say to him about how bad he treated me. I’m also upset because of all the good memories we had together which is fucked because he made me miserable so often. How do I navigate this situation and get over him, I feel conflicted like I want to call him out but also want to make it work even thought I know it’s unhealthy. I’m all over the place :((
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Honestly I would just cut ties and get on with your life. It sounds like you’re dealing with a class A narcissist. I get that the closure feels like it would help but in reality the exchange will probably leave you feeling worse off. I am sorry but the guy just sounds like an asshole and any sort of negative confrontation he receives won’t be taken in or worked on. The good times only exist to outweigh the bad it seems.
The only thing this guy deserves is a swift kick to the clackers.
Best of luck, put yourself first.
You just need some time to get over what happened (closure like you suggest might not even help but take you back a few steps) and you’ll be surprised at how you’ll eventually get over it.
These are quite extreme behaviours, especially for 4 months; you should consider yourself really lucky you saw them soon enough and that you’re not trapped with him. As for the nice bits, you can have those with someone else who isn’t abusive, so they’ll be a million times better next time and more meaningful and you can be your best to someone more deserving.