Myself (31 F) has been dating my boyfriend for a year and half (36 M). The beginning of this relationship was my dream come true, he is beyond handsome and has a great fun personality that I love! Over the course of the relationship I lost my job twice (not for anything I did but was still tough) and my dad who has always been an alcoholic was in a very very bad place and then got sent to rehab (which added a lot of stress, after 50+ years he is now sober, so ended in a positive), plus a few other small things outside of my relationship that caused a lot of worry.
I think all the stress made me lose track of all my emotions and I stated becoming less confident and had a fear I would lose my boyfriend to someone better (as this has happened in the past to a previous relationship). I was putting up road blocks and making scenarios up which I know was immature but in a sense thought I was protecting myself. I am very much aware of where I went wrong, I focus a lot on mental health and healthy relationships but can’t seem to take my advice in the moment.
Anyways yesterday he broke down and let me know I broke him, he was very upset and how I was enough but I wasn’t seeing it and he left me. I know that time is needed and I need to work on myself but I’m coming here for advice on how I can help myself and if anyone has an idea on how I could hopefully rekindle this relationship to what it once was sometime in the future?
TLDR- I was overthinking and lacking confidence from not having great emotional control. How can I one day rekindle this relationship other than time and space (which I will of course do)
Comments
The thing about many men is that they don’t want to give up on the relationship until they have reached the limit of their patience. If this is the case, you might want to wait some time and reach out to him again. Still, in the meantime, you have to do the inner work. What you describe might not be easy to overcome, but you have to start somewhere. I’d advise you to follow knowledgeable people on social media like Tony Robbins, Lewis Howes, and Tom Bilyeu. These guys have podcasts where they discuss many aspects of self-growth. If you start surrounding yourself with better conversations, eventually you’ll find a good mentor or a book—something along the way that gets you closer to the answers you seek. Also, it might help you to follow relationship coaches like Sadia Khan. For example, they don’t always say what women will accept, but I must say, as a man, I find her advice quite accurate. The knowledge is out there.
I would start by seeing a therapist to show him through action you are going to put the work in to work on yourself.