Hi everyone,
I (20F) have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (24M) for a while now, and while I love him deeply and know he loves me too, we’re going through a tough phase.
Before we got together, he helped me leave a toxic relationship. He was the reason I found happiness again — the one who always showed me love, listened to me for hours, and made me feel safe. Even now, he’s the sweetest, most caring person I know. He does so much for others — always thinking about how they feel, putting their needs before his own. He’s genuinely one of those rare, kind-hearted souls.
But when it comes to himself, he shuts down. Sometimes, he stops communicating and says he needs space. And I get that — we all need space now and then. A day or two, even a week is okay. But sometimes it stretches into months, and it’s incredibly hard. He admits that it’s not okay but says he just can’t talk. Recently, he opened up and said maybe it’s because of the long distance, or that he simply struggles to speak about what he’s going through.
He also hates using his phone, and unfortunately, that’s the only way we can stay connected right now. I know what he’s going through in life — the stress, the pressure — and I never want to add to that. But I’m also hurting in the silence. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for him to come back emotionally, and I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.
I don’t want to lose him. I know he loves me. I love him too. I just don’t know how to comfort someone who won’t let me in — especially from far away.
Has anyone been through something like this? How do I support him without breaking myself in the process?
Please help me…cus we both talked and don’t want to breakup just cus we are going through a rough patch
Any advice would truly mean a lot.
Note:- ai generated cus i didn’t know how to write everything out and put my feelings together…but this resonates exactly what’s happening
tl;dr
My long-distance boyfriend is sweet, loving, and always puts others before himself. But he shuts down emotionally and sometimes doesn’t talk for months. He admits it’s not okay but says he can’t help it. I know he’s going through a lot, but I’m also hurting. How do I support someone who won’t open up, without losing myself in the process?
Comments
Hello there, I am a bit like your boyfriend, always ready to help others but when shit gets tough I shut down on myself and stop communicating with people. I am also in a long distance relationship. Maybe like me he has some sort of avoidant personality and when it gets too emotional I prefer to avoid a situation than to face it. It’s very difficult to sustain being away for long periods of time without physical contact. If you communicated to him that you feel bad about that, your next step is to evaluate how long you could go on with this situation, when you both need to have some emotional needs met, you need to find a middle way for both of you to sustain this relationship. Otherwise it’s going to hurt you both. Picture this like a road where you both decide where to meet in the middle (as for your needs) and decide if it’s worth for both of you to walk this distance to meet your needs. Obviously you need more emotional security than him if he doesn’t communicate for months, then this will be very difficult to sustain in the long run. In this situation I wouldn’t wait so long and I would address that directly with him and tell him what my needs are and where is the limit I am willing to go.