Hi Reddit,
I’m a 30-year-old woman, 5 months pregnant, and something has been keeping me up at night.
I’m Jewish and live in a very specific country and community. Personally, I’m an atheist and feel deeply disconnected from many of the traditions I was raised with.
In my community, it’s customary to hold a big event for the baby’s circumcision on the 7th day after birth. It’s usually attended by extended family, family friends, friends of the parents—you get the idea. I’ve always been introverted and strongly dislike events like this. I already had to give in with my wedding, which I ended up enjoying, but the whole lead-up was extremely stressful because it felt so unnatural to me.
This time, I told my husband I don’t want to do the circumcision event. I’ll be freshly postpartum, likely exhausted and vulnerable. The idea of hosting a large stressful event during such a delicate time feels like a huge mental health trigger. I told him I didn’t know how I’d feel, that I was nervous about leaving our baby with a nurse right after a medical procedure, and that the event wouldn’t feel meaningful—it would feel like torture.
My husband disagreed. We fought for about a month, which really hurt me and created disharmony. He eventually gave in, but not happily. Since then, as I’ve told people we won’t be doing the event, the pressure has only gotten worse.
My father told me it’s not just my event—it’s also for the grandparents. My mother-in-law says my husband is her only son and that I’m “killing her dream.” The only one who supports me is my mom, who says I’m what matters most.
The baby hasn’t even been born yet, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. I worry the pressure will only grow, and my husband isn’t really on my side. I really don’t want to do this event—not at all. But I also hate the conflict and tension it’s causing. I know some extended family members (like cousins I’m not close to) will be offended. That’s not my intention—I’m just trying to protect myself.
Big events, especially when they’re centered on me, cause me serious anxiety. This particular one also feels violent—to the baby, to me, to the whole spirit of what I want this time to be. I also feel deeply anxious about exposing my newborn to so many people so early.
The same goes for hospital and home visits—I’d like to keep them very limited at first and slowly open up. But even that makes me feel like I’m pushing people away, like I’m isolating myself.
What can I do?
Is this a battle worth fighting?
What will help me feel better in the long run?
I could really use your advice.
Comments
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi Reddit,
I’m a 30-year-old woman, 5 months pregnant, and something has been keeping me up at night.
I’m Jewish and live in a very specific country and community. Personally, I’m an atheist and feel deeply disconnected from many of the traditions I was raised with.
In my community, it’s customary to hold a big event for the baby’s circumcision on the 7th day after birth. It’s usually attended by extended family, family friends, friends of the parents—you get the idea. I’ve always been introverted and strongly dislike events like this. I already had to give in with my wedding, which I ended up enjoying, but the whole lead-up was extremely stressful because it felt so unnatural to me.
This time, I told my husband I don’t want to do the circumcision event. I’ll be freshly postpartum, likely exhausted and vulnerable. The idea of hosting a large stressful event during such a delicate time feels like a huge mental health trigger. I told him I didn’t know how I’d feel, that I was nervous about leaving our baby with a nurse right after a medical procedure, and that the event wouldn’t feel meaningful—it would feel like torture.
My husband disagreed. We fought for about a month, which really hurt me and created disharmony. He eventually gave in, but not happily. Since then, as I’ve told people we won’t be doing the event, the pressure has only gotten worse.
My father told me it’s not just my event—it’s also for the grandparents. My mother-in-law says my husband is her only son and that I’m “killing her dream.” The only one who supports me is my mom, who says I’m what matters most.
The baby hasn’t even been born yet, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. I worry the pressure will only grow, and my husband isn’t really on my side. I really don’t want to do this event—not at all. But I also hate the conflict and tension it’s causing. I know some extended family members (like cousins I’m not close to) will be offended. That’s not my intention—I’m just trying to protect myself.
Big events, especially when they’re centered on me, cause me serious anxiety. This particular one also feels violent—to the baby, to me, to the whole spirit of what I want this time to be. I also feel deeply anxious about exposing my newborn to so many people so early.
The same goes for hospital and home visits—I’d like to keep them very limited at first and slowly open up. But even that makes me feel like I’m pushing people away, like I’m isolating myself.
What can I do?
Is this a battle worth fighting?
What will help me feel better in the long run?
I could really use your advice.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.