Hey all. My boyfriend [28M] and I [28M] have been dating over 2 years. When we were dating for around 7 months, he told his Muslim family he had a girlfriend. He was immediately kicked out of his mom’s house where he was living, as he is still in post secondary. When this happened, I let him move into my apartment at the time. I did not charge him rent once; I was already living alone and managing it fine.
Unfortunately, not soon after I got a brain injury at work, causing me to have to end my lease and move back in to my mom’s house. My mom allowed my boyfriend to also move in her house. My problem is that since then, he has been back in touch with his mom, and for a short period of time, I could come over to his families houses, visiting with his siblings, his baby niece and nephew, other kids, etc.
However, at some point, his family decided having me around was a “bad influence on the kids as they would ask questions” (our relationship is haram, not allowed in their religion). So he is allowed to go visit his family, but I am no longer allowed to see them. It breaks my heart, and it also upset me, as I feel my family has done a lot for him (shelter him, feed him, give him gifts, drive him places, etc).
I do not expect to be best friends with his family, but I feel so isolated from his life, simply because I chose to be with him. I have done so much for him, and I love him deeply, but I don’t know how much longer I can take. I also have a dog, who he has been calling his “child/daughter” for 2 years. His family has no idea he lives with a dog, as that is also not allowed in their religion. He does not practice, and neither do I, but he still hides the fact that we both drink, have tattoos, and other “haram” things.
My mom says I have no future with him due to all this. I do love him, but this isn’t fair to me, and I feel it impacts me more and more with time. How can I have a future like this?
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Your Mom is right.
He’s having a lovely old time though, isn’t he? He’s having every single need taken care of and has to give literally nothing in return, apart from a few nice words to keep you sweet, and calling the dog his daughter….
He has absolutely no reason to change the status quo, and he’s showing you in the clearest possible terms where you stand on his priority list.
He can “say” whatever he thinks you want to hear, but when it comes down to it, it’s what he “does” that counts, and what he’s doing is playing you for a fool.
I think you’re starting to realise this.
It will be very interesting what happens in the hours/days after you tell him to sling his hook – I’m betting on “but I love you!! I’m working on my family!! It’ll just take time!!” which translates as “don’t take my easy life away from me me while I try and spin this out for a few more years”
I’m really sorry OP. He’s living a double life, but you’re not the most important bit of it.
So what is he doing to carry his weight? Does he take care of you and help your mom around the house? I am seeing you and your mom make sacrifices for him. What’s he sacrificing for you? Because if he’s paying nothing towards living expenses and doing nothing around the house, he’s got an incredibly sweet deal.
What exactly does this freeloader bring to the relationship? Just break up. Your mother is right. This guy isn’t it.
Hey girl, you need to sit him down and and ask him clearly if he sees a future with you. if he does set a timeline that you would like to be getting married by.
Then , you sit and watch his actions. Does he work to work proposal?, Does he talk to let his family know about these plans and how they react to it? Can he stand up against his mother on his decision to marry you?
Be prepared to walk out of the relationship if you don’t see the milestones being met towards your timeline. A guy can just breadcrumb you along with sweet talk and no action.
Because otherwise, like your mom says you were just wasting your time , feelings, money on him and he will just get a free ride till he decides to move back with his family or get someone else.
A lot of women just wait and wait till the guy is ready and they never get ready . We women have a biological clock while the guys don’t. So don’t let anyone waste your Prime.