idk if anyone can relate because many people go off to college and made a ton of friends via campus/ roommates etc and still keep in touch but I was the opposite. I went to a commuter school to save money, transfer a few different schools and never kept in touch. After college I made no effort to put myself out there and bam I’m 30 with few to no friends. Anyone 30+ who finally found their footing and made a ton of friends in a short amount of time? if so how? give me specifics
How did you changed your life from no friends to having a ton of friends?
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idk if anyone can relate because many people go off to college and made a ton of friends via campus/ roommates etc and still keep in touch but I was the opposite. I went to a commuter school to save money, transfer a few different schools and never kept in touch. After college I made no effort to put myself out there and bam I’m 30 with few to no friends. Anyone 30+ who finally found their footing and made a ton of friends in a short amount of time? if so how? give me specifics
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Sometimes having a ton of friends isn’t the answer. If you have just one good friend that can make a world of difference. Honestly, the best success I’ve had is to find people who have similar interests as you. For example I am a big video gamer/nerd and have met some wonderful people through fandom spaces that I’ve had the privilege of meeting in person.
Start joining social activities and sports. Say yes to every invite or experience that comes your way. Be interested in getting to know the people you hang around with. If you’ve developed enough rapport with one or more people, be the initiator and invite them to hang. Be patient and play the long game.
Be open to things and also reach out to peopl.
No joke most people are just sitting around wishing they had someone to talk to
If it makes you feel better, I’m in a similar spot but got there the opposite way as you. I went to college and had a ton of friends. Was a college athlete, lived in a party house, etc. As you get older you realize most of those friendships were just based on convenience/drinking. I have 3 what I would call good friends and 2 of them live over 1k miles away so barely see them. The other lives about an hour away and I still only see him 2-4 times a year as we both have young kids and life gets in the way. Otherwise I occasionally pass the time with dads of my son’s friends. It just is how it is. If you need more than that you’ll have to join a club or something with guys of shared interests.
Volunteering. Easy way to make friends with nice people!
It’s easier to be confident and likeable when you feel good about yourself.
You’d be surprised how often you say no to things, so start saying yes to things that you dont really think you’ll like, if theres other people there – you’ll like it.
This is a big one, I started doing weekly trivia with a close friend. Then, his two housemates wanted to tag along, so they did. Now the housemates are my friend – next week we’re doing a big games night, me, my friend, the housemates and the housemates friends.
Played poker with one group of friends pretty consistently for a year, told people about it. I was helping a guy I work with move a bedframe into his apartment (a thing i said yes to) with another friend of his.
“Oh, such and such plays poker as well”, now for the last 6 weeks i’ve played poker with this guys friend and his friend circle – Now i’m invited to somebody from that tables birthday.
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This has all happened in about 2 months, I went through a breakup which kicked me up the arse into not being lonely.
Work on finding people with whom you have something in common.
At a typical university, there’s a built-in community of fellow students who are going through approximately the same things you are. So who in your area might identify with you? And for what reason? What interests or experiences might you share with them?
Do you like sports? Maybe you can join a fantasy football league. Or a softball team.
Do you like playing instruments? Put up a flyer at your local guitar store, stating who you’d like to meet, and what you’d like to do. Even if you don’t have ambitions to perform, you might meet some people who are totally comfortable just meeting up to jam every couple of weeks.
Do you like beer? Maybe there’s a beer club where you live, whose members go to a new bar every Friday in search of draft beers they’ve yet to try out. If this doesn’t exist, why not create it?
I have found, on my journey, that friends come and go and in some ways you don’t have a huge amount of control over it. Here’s just my, unscientific, thoughts on it
If you stay in the one place then you will likely have deep, and long, friendships with others but if you’ve moved around: new job, university then those friendships will feel transient.
I honestly believe it’s around 6 onwards which is where you find your true lifelong friends and contentment. This is because you are likely not moving around as much as you did given you’ve bought a family home and are paying the mortgage off. I’ve gone from not having many friends at time (3) where the bonds of (1) & (2) are broken and you are in a new world. To where I am now where I have lots of friends (7) moving to 8.
Joining local football club / local cricket club / local rugby club at age 30+ can be really good… hangout with the lads after the game for drinks and connect. Second would be sign up for local community events, Run clubs… pub crawls…. Trivia nights, if your town or city is simply dead try create your own at a local venue see who shows up that or just up and fuck off leave and go somewhere better. Age 35+ your best friend should be your wife then your kids’ friends’ parents 45+ it all winds down keep your closest freinds tight stay in contact you only need 2-5 close mates and your sorted. Don’t get hung up on unessary drama.
There’s a vocational school near me that has a culinary program. Not the fancy bougie kind, but more of a solid, practical program to train people to work in the restaurant industry. However, if you’re just interested in the skills, you can be a continuing ed student and take classes after-hours. I’ve been doing that for a year now, taking one class at a time, one evening a week.
I’ve made several new friends who’re all in their 30s and 40s. We have potlucks together and the food is always great!
In the past, my partner and I hosted board game nights when we had the space in our house (pre-Covid, we live in a different city now). Neither of us play board games. We asked people to bring games they like and we’d just go around catching up with folks.
I just got a backyard pizza oven a month ago, and I’m hosting my first pizza party in a couple of weeks.
I think the key is to do a combination of two things:
You can’t get too precious about who shows up for your thing each time. Just welcome anyone who does. Soon enough, you’ll have a subset of people who enjoy that event and become friends.
For me it was Volleyball and using Meetup
Joining a volleyball league in Rochester NY helped me meet a lot of new people, make friends, and find my (ex) girlfriend.
When I moved to Phoenix I knew no one, I joined a volleyball league immediately but the games kept getting cancelled so I looked on Meetup and found a pickup volleyball group. From that group I’ve made over 100 friends who hang out regularly, met my now current partner and that one group has created 20+ marriages and the biggest group of friends I’ve ever seen.
When you’re an adult having a “ton” of friends usually isn’t sustainable. And if you do they’re not real friends. Just acquaintances.
That said, you have to find time to meet with people regularly. At least once a week. But the real challenge he is finding people willing and able to do the same.
Started going to church and getting right with the man upstairs. Started making a ton of friends that constantly contact me to go do things. It’s been a blessing.
You only need like 2-3 solid friends. “Tons” sound exhausting and superficial.
An exceedingly beautiful girl showed me how to, and why it’s worth it, when I became a teenager. Literally dragged me into living life to the fullest.
Bought a car ramp and a trailer……
I did the opposite, best thing ever. You dont need lot of friends, you need real ones. I closed my doors to bunch of them and surround myself only with those who thinks same Like me, loves same things and make me feel comfortable and wanted in their company. I dont want headaches from fake friends who dont resonate with my frequency.