How do you handle being assaulted by a women as a man? Many just brush it off, but some don’t, how?
Have you had friends be assaulted and tell you? How did you handle that? If you were SAd, who did you tell?
How did you handle being SAd by a woman?
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How do you handle being assaulted by a women as a man? Many just brush it off, but some don’t, how?
Have you had friends be assaulted and tell you? How did you handle that? If you were SAd, who did you tell?
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The women who lurk here are so depraved for insta-downvoting this so it gets less views and discussion.
Anyway I would find the most sober, realistic advice given to women on how to handle it and just mentally replace “woman” with “man” in the text, and vice versa.
Edit: Genuinely wild, you women are your own worst enemy when it comes to getting men to care about your issues. It’s literally a thread about men being sexually assaulted and you’re like “nope, fuck that, shut it down”. Depraved.
I was too surprised to really react. I had my genitals grabbed without my consent at a nightclub.
I flaired your post to make sure this question stays focused on men.
I worked as a bouncer at a bar for two years, it was pretty much a daily issue I didnt tell anyone cause first off no one would care and second it’s pretty much a risk of the job ask any bouncer it’s happened to them
I was a teen and she was an attractive teacher so at the time everyone told me it was cool and awesome. Teen me agreed, but teen me was stupid as fuck, adult me understands it was predatory behavior and probably had some negative impact on my formative views on sex that took quite a while to sort out.
Just roll my eyes and move on. The important part is not to react to negatively or else the women gets very angry.
Tbh I think every decent looking guy has been groped by a drunk woman in a bar at least a few times in his life.
It’s just a part of life that you hope your girlfriend doesn’t get pissed about. You learn to see the signs and you don’t put yourself in situations that it is likely to happen.
I had to learn to bury a lot of the fallout and deal with it on my own. Asking for help always made things worse.
But I made sure to do for some other guys what none of the professionals did for me. Listen and take them seriously.
Move on and deal with it by yourself.
If anyone even believes you they’ll either laugh it off or tell you you’re lucky.
I had to bury it because men don’t get SAd and what happened to me was apparently very nebulous. So I learned to suck it up and move on
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I haven’t learnt how to handle it. I’m 20. It happened for years when I was a child. I’ve honestly buried it deep inside. I only started talking about it a year ago. I don’t mind talking about it now but it’s really really painful. For me i think the biggest pain is the idea that i should have fought back. Even though i was 7-12 years old. That really haunts me
Some brush it off bc of the male stigma they “still got some so why are they complaining” which is shitty. There’s some people out there that will take you serious you just have to find them.
What happened to me was…complicated. There were a lot of factors involved: we were both drunk, I was aware she was attracted to me beforehand, I didn’t give her an overt no, even though I was sure I could do that safely. But the truth is that one of that makes what happened consensual.
For me, I was able to rationalize it to myself to the point of not make any drama out of it. I could say at the time that I wasn’t harmed by what happened, nothing that I wasn’t able to do after it happened that I was before. I could say that treating it as a crime would be disproportionate punishment compared to what was actually done (like, I didn’t think she needed to be arrested over it). So I just…let it go.
I never had anyone else to tell it to, until I started dating a different girl sever years later, and I had to explain why I didn’t go to that particular bar anymore that I used to go do.
When it happened to me. It sucked and I was traumatized for sure. Though nobody ever believes you when you tell them as the man that it happened to you. So I moved on and buried it deep. Now it just comes out when I’m vulnerable to other women. 😂. Definitely not healthy but I can’t really talk to anyone besides my therapist about it and bless her soul but that’s not the only avenue I want when it comes to healing.
During the height of the whole me too thing I had an ex-girlfriend randomly call me and ask if she SA’d me. I said no because she never blackmailed or threatened me in any way. All she really did was approach me repeatedly. I said no the first few times, but I made the choice to go with it the last time she tried. I knew it was a bad idea when I did it.
Some people might disagree with me, but I always look at it like a really good salesman convincing you to buy something you know is bad. You can’t charge him with theft. At the end of the day, you chose to make the purchase.
I was told to get over it, that I should have been grateful I got some, and to get over it.
Instead, I spent a decade as a misogynist.
Finally got my shit together in my late 20’s.
Had no one I could tell at the time. My step mom would’ve blamed me so I didn’t tell my parents. Still haven’t told anyone about it. Probably never will.
I wrote a joke about it, performed it at an open mic…. Proceeded to get banned from a bunch of shows. When “me too” took off I shared my story… People called me gay. It’s one of many double standards I’ve gotten used to.
While I’m aware that women getting assaulted is always something worth taking action in, it really feels like it’s a huge double standard where men don’t get the help when they themselves get assaulted
I’ve been with a girl for some time that was emotionally very manipulative. Lots of times I didn’t want to have sex with her, but she always found ways to make me feel horrible enough to basically force me to do it with her, and if I didn’t want to, she would make sure to make me feel guilty for it by becoming mad.
While this didn’t traumatise me, it left an impact on me where I never want to experience something like this ever again. I’m now having a harder time having sex because I’m afraid I might have to deal with somebody like her again.
I never called it assault, but I did mention this experience to my friends. They all said it must have sucked, but after that they all brushed it off and went on with their day. It’s never been an issue people around me took serious. And because of that, I didn’t feel like it was worth mentioning anymore. But I still feel the effects of that experience.
It was fine but probably not in the longrun
I still think about it
Does being groped on the butt count as SA? I assume it does, but if it doesn’t then I haven’t been SA’d.
If it does then I had a group of women at a night club publicly take turns in groping my butt and laughing at me because a fat man dancing is hilarious. In front of everyone, including my friends. Nobody did anything about it and I eventually just felt sad and humiliated enough to leave the dance floor.
At the time I just thought it was another reason to feel shit about myself, another voice to block out, another brick in the wall of self-loathing. It’s only more recently, over 25 years later, that I figured it as a possible sexual assault situation… partly because the intent probably wasn’t sexual.
So in some ways it’s not something I feel like I’ve had to handle, I guess I brushed it off in most ways. Felt shit at the time, many years later it’s too far in the past to care about outside of it being a thing that happened.
I’ve had other random women grope my butt in clubs, 2-3 times but never really thought about it.
I’ve read enough testimonials in this group from other guys who have experienced a lot worse to know mine was barely a thing in comparison.
It didn’t seriously harm me mentally so there wasn’t much to handle. I just thought “wow, if this was reversed it would be seen as a serious issue”
She was a psycho. She was literally saying she’d keep showing up to my house. She’s also the person to force me to take a hit out of her joint – Bare in mind I was 18 at the time I believe & I haven’t smoked anything or did anything like that back then. I had a horrible time & I was traumatised
I told a friend I knew online from the US & he was the only person that knew until a week after the assault. Glad to say I never saw her again after that & she did not turn up. I had a few fake numbers messaging & calling me and a few obviously fake Snapchat accounts started adding me but that was the furthest it went.
I was scared to even walk out of my house & it was like that for 2-3 weeks & that’s part of why I’m hypersexual.
A few more people know now, notably my fiancé, but I’m very open about the experience & I’ve gotten over it.
I just wanna say to all my fellow guys here who’ve experienced this, I’m really sorry. I was SA’d by a woman myself when I was just a kid. I see all of ur stories and I’m really sorry. If you ever want to talk about it or need support I’m here for you
I worked with a woman at a grocery store. when I was 19 that was about a decade older than me and wouldn’t leave me alone, she was married and told me all the dirty things she wanted to do to me. She would tell other people in the store the same thing. Word got around and everyone thought it was funny. I dreaded working when she was there. Luckily a new Walmart opened and she left to work for them.
I was assaulted at work and once on the beach. I was full on raped at the beach. I dont think about it much
How do you handle any traumatic event?
It feels like my whole life has just been about finding ways to deal
I didn’t tell anyone for almost 20 years.
I’ve tried to look at it like, how much longer would I have been undiagnosed with diabetes? She’s still a disgusting person who thinks erections = consent but… it is what it is.
I’m a bartender at an upscale craft cocktail bar.
Being a man getting sexually assaulted by women is a monthly if not weekly thing.
My female bartender homegirl gets sexually harassed more. She gets all the inappropriate comments. But for the most part, no one touches her. Men seem to have gotten the memo; plus most male patrons seem to be eager to step in and defend her.
But me and all the other male bartenders?
Man… I simply do not agree that men are worse when it comes to that shit. Women simply aren’t held accountable. They feel up our chests, palm our butts, and grab our dicks almost every weekend.
The worse part for me is that most women that see this happen… Cheer.
>Edit: I can admit that the extremity of male violence makes a SA against a women a potentially more dangerous event. Obviously.
> However, at this point I truly believe that women sexually assault men at a greater frequency, more often. They simply don’t view it at sexual assault when women do it. They think it’s just being fun and flirty so they don’t count it.
The only time that I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt I was SA’d by a woman I was so drunk I couldn’t do anything about it. Fortunately I was also so drunk that she wasn’t able to… make the natural response happen.
At the time I tried to stop her, but I was really messed up. Later on I told her I thought what she did was fucked up. I never actually considered it SA I just considered it her trying to take advantage of me. We had been relatively close before then and that really messed it up. We did stay friends we just weren’t as close as we used to be and I was more cautious around her when partying.
I wouldn’t call the things that I’ve had done to me as “sexual assault”. There was a dynamic that was involved when a woman either grabbed me “inappropriately” or did something to me that didn’t have my full consent, and that was power, physical power. When a woman at a bar grabbed my crotch, I could’ve overpowered her and kept her from doing so. The same thing could be said in a few other “instances”. That’s probably the biggest difference in most instances, the dynamic of power. When a woman is SA’d in a similar manner, it can always escalate. I can only imagine the fear that women have to deal with, but I never had fear when the women would touch me inappropriately. The biggest emotion I felt was surprise. As much as people want to claim that it’s no different when it’s a woman to a man vs a man to a woman, I have to call bullshit as the power dynamic isn’t taken into account. And for the record, when I think back about the women that grabbed me inappropriately or did things to me that was not consensual, I don’t necessarily think of it as a bad memory.
I’ve been groped and fondled by women, it was bullshit that I could never do anything or talk to anyone, but I personally am stronger than their bullshit.
The really messed up one was when I politely declined sex from a woman, and she ran crying to my social network with stories that I fat shamed her and degraded her, refusing to sleep with her because of her size.
With the way that culture has developed, I’m sure you can just imagine how that went.
EDIT because I realized I didn’t answer the question, lol
I got over it the same way men in our society are expected to deal with everything – by putting my shoulder into it and just keep pushin’ on through.
It fucked the friendshhip.
But i dont think it was the SA itself that did the damage to the friendship.
It was the premeditation of it.
Context.
I was hosting a small kick back with some friends. Food. Booze. Whatever.
The girl(lets call her S) had been my friend and had consistebtly voiced her …feelings towards me for a while. I always rejected her. Or made it known i wasnt interested.
Now. My side of what i experienced first hand.
Host party. Small group. I was the stag in my own place. No big deal.
They show up. We all eat. Drink. Bit of music. Whatever. I get a bit too drunk. I decide im good for the night.
“Hey . Im knocking out. Booze is up for grabs except for the everclear. Food too. Dont fuck up my carpet or my couch. Good night.”( i trusted these friends.)
I go back to my room. Knock out. I kinda cone to to find S on top of me and riding me. I kick her off. She leaves.
Now. Secondhand from witnesses to her planning it. On the way to my apartment. Several of them heard her say that she was going to get me when i am really drunk. That she was gonna get it.
Thats what stung. Thats what really fucked me up about it. We stayed friends. And i have sat down with her about it. She has apologized profusely. And i accepted it and moved on. It was wrong. But i cant just carry that around and it would have done nothing good to make either of us carry it around.
We moved past it. Im not saying others should do what i did. Im not saying they shouldnt. Thats just my story.
I guess the only other time. Was more a statuary thing and some 18 year old chick took a liking to me when i was 13. But i dont really think that had any real impact on me. Thats just me personally though.