I had a coworker tell me one time that if you wait for the perfect time to have kids, it’ll never come, so you just adjust your life to the change of kids when they happen. And that kind of worked for us too. We really based it on age and not wanting to be in my late 30s (as my parents were when they had me).
When the idea wasn’t met with a “oh hell no!” thought instantly. Then husband and sat on the idea for a full year with lots of conversations during that time. When, at the end of that year we were both still excited about the idea, I went off BC.
I just never had a “time when I realized” but I did know I didn’t want to be old having young kids. I ended up having my first kid at 34 which I think is perfect time.
We figured we would never be MORE ready. So we put a 1 year timeline. Got in great shape, read books, etc.
I’m now 6 weeks and we are over the moon! The world is scary out there, but our little home and future family is so happy and full of love. I’m looking forward to teaching a tiny human love, empathy and kindness.
We both had always wanted kids, and decided we didn’t want to be above 30 when we had kids, because we wanted to be involved grandparents too (if our kids end up having kids) and we didn’t want to be in our late 50s when kids were graduating high school. We spent out four years discussing how we were going to raise kids – both of us grew up with different flavours of neglect and untreated mental health issues in our families, so we wanted to break that cycle. We talked about what kind of adults we wanted our kids to be and then worked backwards from that.
The hard part for us was financial because we live in a VVHCL city. My husband went back to school during my pregnancy and we lived in shared houses and collective houses during the first three years we had kids, which actually was a lot of help having other adults around.
I felt like I had always wanted kids growing up. Decided some bare minimum goals to hit before I would be willing to give it a go. Wanted to own a house, be financially stable with some kind of traction in my career, have enough in savings to cover the cost and then some. With some help on a down payment we were able to make it happen around 27. I however felt very hesitant about it so we kicked it down the road more and said for sure when I turn 30. Then at 30, 2020 happened. My perspective of the world was already pretty bleak and then it got even worse. I kicked it down again. Then on my 31st birthday I kinda decided it was now or never. I said fuck it and we started trying for it in January 2022. I figured it would take a few months cause I have PCOS. Ended up getting it on our first try. Idk if I would do it again, looking back. I love my son with all my heart, it’s just a struggle looking at his innocent little face, knowing what the world I brought him into is really like.
I wish I knew. It was always an anxious, empty thought for me when it came to the thought of having kids. Babysitting for people all the time made that stronger. When my husband said he didn’t want children, I felt so comfortable and knew I wasn’t meant to be a mom. I’m a helper, not a haver if that makes any sense. All-in-all, I think those who want a family should take the time to really communicate it with their significant other and connect together, knowing that in this age is all about lifestyle changes, not necessarily making everything perfect beforehand.
I probably felt ready, in that it didn’t feel like it would be the end of world, at around 26. I had a good job with disposable income, a steady and happy relationship, and we owned our own home. We wanted to be married first, and that happened at 29. I then came off of birth control about 3 months after the wedding and we agreed to see what would happen – I fell pregnant about 4 months later and I’m now due with our first in July, at which point I’ll be 31 ☺️
I don’t have kids and I fully perceive having kids to be a privilege, not a right. People like to say that it will “never be the right time,” but there are some things in life that you SHOULD have “right” before bringing a child into the world. Kids are expensive. Daycare in my area would take 40% of my paycheck. I can’t afford that, and I don’t have family nearby to provide childcare.
For me, I’d need to have the finances available to pay for childcare along with everything my child needed. I’d want to have enough to take my child on vacations, outings, and to give them as many experiences as possible.
I’d need to have a partner who I felt confident would be an equal parent regardless of our relationship status.
I’d need to have a support system of family and friends (this is something I do have).
So I’m not ready to have kids and it’s very likely I never will be. Again, kids are a privilege, not a right. I won’t bring a child into the world to face stress, poverty, trauma, etc. (that can be prevented) just because of my own selfish desire to have a kid.
My bf (now husband) and I had a few close calls. One ended up in getting a pill from planned parenthood. After that, I told him that if I got pregnant again we are keeping it.
When I did happen to get pregnant, it just felt right. I wanted to stick to my word, but it wasn’t only that. The previous pregnancy we knew we were not ready.
In my teens I was diagnosed with a condition that could end my fertility. Around late teens it worsened. At 20 I decided to have a baby while I was completing my PhD dissertation. Had baby at 21. Maybe impulsive, but I will blame the AuDHD. Ended up with hysterectomy, so my decision was a good one. I am now 35 and single mom with a gf of two years and a 13 year old. My son has a great father. (My son’s father and I were never a couple. We just both wanted a child.) I only wanted one child, and I feel fortunate that I have him.
I think you know when you know. But at least for women it is better to think about it sooner rather than later. I could have frozen eggs, but that is not a guarantee of success and who knows if you will subsequently have some other health issue that makes pregnancy not viable. (Of course starting a family does not only equal pregnancy!) But if you have a desire to carry a child you should seriously think early on. Yeah, women have babies even in their 40s, but that is a mix of luck, money, health, status. I know women who waited until late 30s and early 40s and it did not happen. At least freezing eggs is an option. So many risks increase with pregnancy, for mom and baby, in late 30s and early 40s. And there are many ways to start a family these days, more options than in the past. A baby is going to rock your world, regardless of age, planning, etc.
I was married, we owned a house, I had a good job with good insurance, he had a good job, and we were in our early 30s. We both wanted kids and there were no longer any reasons not to.
Look, I had my one and only son when I was 39 and finishing my second degree. My husband was 47. We both have been working for our entire adult life, we both have houses of our own. We had each other and good support system. We had everything yet we were not ready.
Nothing prepares you for how your life is going to change, and how much you are gonna love the little being that came out of you looking exactly like their dad.
People will tell you about the money you are going to spend, the sleepless nights, the constant worrying, and the endless joy. But you will not know until you are there. It is like trying to describe a color with words. You have to see it.
Even if you adopt a child (which I considered), I suspect it would be the same. No matter how much you read, how much you research, you will still find yourself making up your way as you go. And that’s fine.
Now, I highly reccomend having a good, reliable partner, and savings before having a child. This is something that needs to be done in pairs or in a tribe. Raising a child is a 24/7 job with no holidays, no time off, and no mercy for the parents.
I had always passively pictured myself as a mom one day but didn’t feel ready – I felt like there was all these things I wanted to do before I had kids (travel basically). Got pregnant at 30 and took a while to warm up to it. Now I love my baby and have no regrets. My thinking now is how many things I want to do with him and how much of his life I’ll get to witness. So for me I was technically ready – good partner, stable finances, etc. but never felt ready and it all turned out.
I always knew i wanted more than one child so when my doctor told me i had pcos at age 27 and that i should get on it sooner than later, that spurred me to action. Thankfully i was married for 3 years and owned a home so we were in a stable enough situation to have kids
We were loosely tracking my cycle and we had sex on one of those borderline unsafe days. Got pregnant on accident, but after the initial shock we were excited and started planning. Then I miscarried at 8 weeks and after that we knew we were ready to try for real.
We had been together for 7 years at that point and I was 28
A positive pregnancy test. Neither kid was planned but they were more happy surprises than accidents. I knew I wanted to have children but figured it would be later down the road. Now I’m happy with my two.
I could envision someone else in our lives, when I saw people with kids I’d think, “I want that”. Also, I was in my mid-30s and set an arbitrary deadline of “no newborns once I’m 40,” so it was kind of then or never
Yes, my husband and I felt ready. We said two years ago, maybe the following summer we will start trying. That summer came and went, we didn’t feel ready. So we waited till the following summer. I’m now 31 weeks and can’t wait. Feels surreal and can’t believe I’m growing a little human. ☺️
I was always on the fence about having kids, but a shift seemed to happen around the Covid pandemic. It gave me a chance to step back and evaluate my life and what felt important. I was approaching 30 and felt bored of being on a hamster wheel of going to work and coming home and remember thinking ‘there has to be more to life than this’. I had finally got to a point where I felt like I had other things under control and that I was ready to dedicate my time to raising a human and could feel fulfilled doing so. I’m currently 6 months pregnant with my first.
Comments
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I had a coworker tell me one time that if you wait for the perfect time to have kids, it’ll never come, so you just adjust your life to the change of kids when they happen. And that kind of worked for us too. We really based it on age and not wanting to be in my late 30s (as my parents were when they had me).
When the idea wasn’t met with a “oh hell no!” thought instantly. Then husband and sat on the idea for a full year with lots of conversations during that time. When, at the end of that year we were both still excited about the idea, I went off BC.
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I didn’t! And I waited a while for it to come.
I accidentally became pregnant at 20. Had her when I was 21. Now I’m 26, turning 27 with a 5, 3, and 16 month old.
I just never had a “time when I realized” but I did know I didn’t want to be old having young kids. I ended up having my first kid at 34 which I think is perfect time.
[removed]
We figured we would never be MORE ready. So we put a 1 year timeline. Got in great shape, read books, etc.
I’m now 6 weeks and we are over the moon! The world is scary out there, but our little home and future family is so happy and full of love. I’m looking forward to teaching a tiny human love, empathy and kindness.
We both had always wanted kids, and decided we didn’t want to be above 30 when we had kids, because we wanted to be involved grandparents too (if our kids end up having kids) and we didn’t want to be in our late 50s when kids were graduating high school. We spent out four years discussing how we were going to raise kids – both of us grew up with different flavours of neglect and untreated mental health issues in our families, so we wanted to break that cycle. We talked about what kind of adults we wanted our kids to be and then worked backwards from that.
The hard part for us was financial because we live in a VVHCL city. My husband went back to school during my pregnancy and we lived in shared houses and collective houses during the first three years we had kids, which actually was a lot of help having other adults around.
I felt like I had always wanted kids growing up. Decided some bare minimum goals to hit before I would be willing to give it a go. Wanted to own a house, be financially stable with some kind of traction in my career, have enough in savings to cover the cost and then some. With some help on a down payment we were able to make it happen around 27. I however felt very hesitant about it so we kicked it down the road more and said for sure when I turn 30. Then at 30, 2020 happened. My perspective of the world was already pretty bleak and then it got even worse. I kicked it down again. Then on my 31st birthday I kinda decided it was now or never. I said fuck it and we started trying for it in January 2022. I figured it would take a few months cause I have PCOS. Ended up getting it on our first try. Idk if I would do it again, looking back. I love my son with all my heart, it’s just a struggle looking at his innocent little face, knowing what the world I brought him into is really like.
I had a well paying job, I just got married and we bought a home in 2015. We wanted kids so we went and had 4 kids.
I wish I knew. It was always an anxious, empty thought for me when it came to the thought of having kids. Babysitting for people all the time made that stronger. When my husband said he didn’t want children, I felt so comfortable and knew I wasn’t meant to be a mom. I’m a helper, not a haver if that makes any sense. All-in-all, I think those who want a family should take the time to really communicate it with their significant other and connect together, knowing that in this age is all about lifestyle changes, not necessarily making everything perfect beforehand.
I probably felt ready, in that it didn’t feel like it would be the end of world, at around 26. I had a good job with disposable income, a steady and happy relationship, and we owned our own home. We wanted to be married first, and that happened at 29. I then came off of birth control about 3 months after the wedding and we agreed to see what would happen – I fell pregnant about 4 months later and I’m now due with our first in July, at which point I’ll be 31 ☺️
I don’t have kids and I fully perceive having kids to be a privilege, not a right. People like to say that it will “never be the right time,” but there are some things in life that you SHOULD have “right” before bringing a child into the world. Kids are expensive. Daycare in my area would take 40% of my paycheck. I can’t afford that, and I don’t have family nearby to provide childcare.
For me, I’d need to have the finances available to pay for childcare along with everything my child needed. I’d want to have enough to take my child on vacations, outings, and to give them as many experiences as possible.
I’d need to have a partner who I felt confident would be an equal parent regardless of our relationship status.
I’d need to have a support system of family and friends (this is something I do have).
So I’m not ready to have kids and it’s very likely I never will be. Again, kids are a privilege, not a right. I won’t bring a child into the world to face stress, poverty, trauma, etc. (that can be prevented) just because of my own selfish desire to have a kid.
Accidentally got pregnant
My bf (now husband) and I had a few close calls. One ended up in getting a pill from planned parenthood. After that, I told him that if I got pregnant again we are keeping it.
When I did happen to get pregnant, it just felt right. I wanted to stick to my word, but it wasn’t only that. The previous pregnancy we knew we were not ready.
When I knew I was about to finish my education. That’s all.
In my teens I was diagnosed with a condition that could end my fertility. Around late teens it worsened. At 20 I decided to have a baby while I was completing my PhD dissertation. Had baby at 21. Maybe impulsive, but I will blame the AuDHD. Ended up with hysterectomy, so my decision was a good one. I am now 35 and single mom with a gf of two years and a 13 year old. My son has a great father. (My son’s father and I were never a couple. We just both wanted a child.) I only wanted one child, and I feel fortunate that I have him.
I think you know when you know. But at least for women it is better to think about it sooner rather than later. I could have frozen eggs, but that is not a guarantee of success and who knows if you will subsequently have some other health issue that makes pregnancy not viable. (Of course starting a family does not only equal pregnancy!) But if you have a desire to carry a child you should seriously think early on. Yeah, women have babies even in their 40s, but that is a mix of luck, money, health, status. I know women who waited until late 30s and early 40s and it did not happen. At least freezing eggs is an option. So many risks increase with pregnancy, for mom and baby, in late 30s and early 40s. And there are many ways to start a family these days, more options than in the past. A baby is going to rock your world, regardless of age, planning, etc.
I was married, we owned a house, I had a good job with good insurance, he had a good job, and we were in our early 30s. We both wanted kids and there were no longer any reasons not to.
When my baby was like 2 m/o.
Look, I had my one and only son when I was 39 and finishing my second degree. My husband was 47. We both have been working for our entire adult life, we both have houses of our own. We had each other and good support system. We had everything yet we were not ready.
Nothing prepares you for how your life is going to change, and how much you are gonna love the little being that came out of you looking exactly like their dad.
People will tell you about the money you are going to spend, the sleepless nights, the constant worrying, and the endless joy. But you will not know until you are there. It is like trying to describe a color with words. You have to see it.
Even if you adopt a child (which I considered), I suspect it would be the same. No matter how much you read, how much you research, you will still find yourself making up your way as you go. And that’s fine.
Now, I highly reccomend having a good, reliable partner, and savings before having a child. This is something that needs to be done in pairs or in a tribe. Raising a child is a 24/7 job with no holidays, no time off, and no mercy for the parents.
I had always passively pictured myself as a mom one day but didn’t feel ready – I felt like there was all these things I wanted to do before I had kids (travel basically). Got pregnant at 30 and took a while to warm up to it. Now I love my baby and have no regrets. My thinking now is how many things I want to do with him and how much of his life I’ll get to witness. So for me I was technically ready – good partner, stable finances, etc. but never felt ready and it all turned out.
I always knew i wanted more than one child so when my doctor told me i had pcos at age 27 and that i should get on it sooner than later, that spurred me to action. Thankfully i was married for 3 years and owned a home so we were in a stable enough situation to have kids
We were loosely tracking my cycle and we had sex on one of those borderline unsafe days. Got pregnant on accident, but after the initial shock we were excited and started planning. Then I miscarried at 8 weeks and after that we knew we were ready to try for real.
We had been together for 7 years at that point and I was 28
We were married for a couple of years, financially stable, and figured “a baby wouldn’t be the worst thing” lol
We got married and bought a home so we figured we were ready enough.
A positive pregnancy test. Neither kid was planned but they were more happy surprises than accidents. I knew I wanted to have children but figured it would be later down the road. Now I’m happy with my two.
I could envision someone else in our lives, when I saw people with kids I’d think, “I want that”. Also, I was in my mid-30s and set an arbitrary deadline of “no newborns once I’m 40,” so it was kind of then or never
Yes, my husband and I felt ready. We said two years ago, maybe the following summer we will start trying. That summer came and went, we didn’t feel ready. So we waited till the following summer. I’m now 31 weeks and can’t wait. Feels surreal and can’t believe I’m growing a little human. ☺️
When I realized I wasn’t terrified of birth and was mentally prepared to bring a baby into the world
I was always on the fence about having kids, but a shift seemed to happen around the Covid pandemic. It gave me a chance to step back and evaluate my life and what felt important. I was approaching 30 and felt bored of being on a hamster wheel of going to work and coming home and remember thinking ‘there has to be more to life than this’. I had finally got to a point where I felt like I had other things under control and that I was ready to dedicate my time to raising a human and could feel fulfilled doing so. I’m currently 6 months pregnant with my first.