Looking to hear from those who were never a rebel or raged at parents but still realised that they needed to break the pattern in order to live the life they really deserved. And if you did, I would love to know about the kind of life you’re living now.
How did you reparent yourself if you ever had to?
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I pretty much did what I wanted. For sure I suffered Dads belt was thick and fast. But the thinks i did and do stem from that time. Saying that I am 60 and single.
This is not going to be a pleasant read.
No contact with your toxic parent(s). None.
Teach yourself all the basics they messed with- savings, planning and budgeting, cooking properly.
Find counseling. Sociopathic and psychopathic parents gaslight their offspring so much that adhering to normal behavior seems like an alien idea.
Remove your personal information from the Internet. A LOT of parasitic parents will “magically” find a way to get in touch with you once you’re doing well with both material wealth and happiness.
Humans are social creatures so most give into the temptation to forgive a toxic, evil family member. Don’t do it. Remember the humiliation, abuse, theft and anger. There’s a time for every feeling.
I reparented myself in adulthood because my birth parents were awful.
I did a lot of therapy, and I gave myself the patience, support, guidance and love that I would give to my friend’s kids when interacting with them.
I now am much more calm, cantered and wholesome and have a tribe of chosen family.
I read the book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and watched Patrick Teahan YouTube videos and TikToks.
I got parentified at a real young age and had to figure out shit on my own (spoiler, it didn’t go well) and so now I’ve had to really look at my behaviors, coping mechanisms, negative personality traits and be very self reflective.
I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out what was broken and not working and deciding how to work on it. Small steps have been important, no one gets fixed overnight. The biggest thing though was coming to terms with having shitty parents. After that I could really figure out a lot and take the appropriate steps necessary to move past it.
Join the military at 15 yo n next look back.
Moved far away. Across the country, and when that wasn’t far enough, to a different continent
Went no contact for many years.
Sent years doing very heavy work in therapy. It is ongoing. Its been 30 years now and I am still discovering places that need to be healed.
Being a good parent to my own children was HUGELY helpful for me. I parented and raised myself along with my kids. Learning that a parent can actually be kind, loving, and supportive was a big deal.
Read the book:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
That book should help you.
Went no contact with my hyper controlling mother. Every day she would ring my door bell for hours and I ignored it, but it was pure terror. Then she broke down and finally got herself therapy. After years we’re finally in a relationship that isn’t abusive anymore. It took a long time and both of us worked on ourselves a lot. So I reparented myself with my own parent I guess. I don’t take this outcome for granted. It required a lot of effort from both of us.