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When I walked over to my dad for the father daughter dance at my wedding, he said he didn’t want to because he didn’t want to be embarrassed. Thankfully, my FIL stepped in and danced with me.
Hmm… told her I was pregnant with first, didn’t believe me. Pregnant with the second, ‘oh… okay…’
Birth of first child was a wild ride ‘you need to calm down, it’s going to get worse’ child was back labouring the whole time, had caesaran because he was stuck and his heartrate plummeted, ‘I knew it was going to go wrong because you had an easy pregnancy’ she then left the day after he was born because I was breastfeeding and she couldn’t help…
Wedding, just being a general twat. Didn’t book transport until a week before or get a dress until a few days before. Stared at my dad (divorced) the whole time. Was only thinking about how her new partner was doing, kept dipping out to see him and inviting him to things he wasn’t asked to (like the hour before ceremony where we were all dressed and chatting). Also like specifically asked to RSVP online and choose meals etc.. she posted a card, with no questions answered and signed off ‘all the family’… great but that tells me nothing
Nmom told me that I couldn’t use the “Dr.” prefix the night before my PhD defense (which was in the morning). Also, berated me for my life choices for hours the night before my convocation. Made me cry both times.
During the trip to meet their grandchild I was told they couldn’t enjoy her and obviously I was living in fear and not enjoying her either because I wouldn’t allow them to hold my two week old baby after they flew internationally and refused masks or any other precaution.
They promised to pay for the wedding and rehearsal dinner but never did. Then my mom showed up in a white dress, took full advantage of the open bar, then went around telling everyone how she paid for everything. My MILs bosses were in attendance because they gave her piles of money just to be sure this happened. It almost cost her her job and we had to explain this to the president and VP of the company.
at my graduation, they showed up very smuggly and were very stand offish to my friends following the ceremony and unfortunately all my pictures are ruined with their smug ass faces!
had a fantastic dinner with my husband and friends following, family refused to go because it was “too expensive” (it was to texas roadhouse which they could very much afford and my husband had offered to pay for them)
Loudly and clearly made very critical comments and jokes about my friends and coursemates to me at my graduation that made it seem like they were inside jokes and I hated everyone.
Also, causing arguments or making strings of insults and reducing me to panic or tears before job or degree interviews.
My sister and I planned a surprise party for my mom’s 60th. We asked our dad if he’d like to chip in financially and he agreed (that was our mistake, we should have known). Then when it came time to collect his share he made up a story that he had booked a weekend trip for him and my mom and now he was out the money, and he had to cancel it. Then he told her about the party because he quote “wanted to hurt her” because we never threw him a 60th. She asked him later about the trip and he admitted it was fake. He was just trying to make us feel guilty.
He literally ruined every event. He did the same when I was going to throw my now ex-husband a party at their house which he was ok with. Then when the day came he started a random fight with my mom, and texted me trying to play the victim. I cancelled the party which I wish I hadn’t, and he just texted me back “thanks for doing that”. That really pisses me off now, but we all ended up going to a restaurant with my mom while he went somewhere by himself to sulk in his car.
I did a show at the Kennedy Center in a role written specifically for me. There was a gala after the show where 2 very famous people (a Broadway producer and a Broadway composer) were giving me great feedback about my performance. My mother walked up to us, and the people I was talking to said “Go share this moment with your mom.” All she did was complain about how road construction made getting to the parking garage a nightmare. She didn’t say a single thing about the show.
I was giving birth and I told the nurses I didn’t want her inside, she forced herself thru the doors when everyone was busy delivering and came in when I had my legs wide open
I think my mom has ruined every big thing for me in some way.
Got married, she fake planned a shower for me that I got excited about and then it never happened.
Graduation from law school, she showed up falling down drunk.
I used to do theatre- wouldn’t show up to my shows or would show up drunk and or tell me I was a narcissist for being on stage
Any big concert or school thing- falling down drunk.
It’s not even really my moment but for my parents 25th wedding anniversary, I did everything and threw a huge party, invited all of their friends old and new. It was going to be a surprise. But my mom found out I was planning it and told everyone that Im a fuck up and I was just going to ruin it.
No one came to my college graduation. She told me she didn’t want to visit the state bc she hated it after moving (a year after telling me to move there bc it was great) and then told me I couldn’t be upset bc I should’ve graduated on time. I had dropped out after my 2nd year of school and went back later. Then, told me she wouldn’t celebrate it unless I showed her my diploma bc of course she needed to accuse me of lying. Later, she asked for my diploma bc kids are supposed to give their parents their diplomas and she has my sisters. I was proud of myself bc I went into school with a major my family chose and was constantly told I wouldn’t find a job with the major I chose. I found a lane and worked hard for it, and she took it from me.
I never asked for a diploma from my university and never will.
I also canceled my wedding bc she and my MIL were letting us know in every way possible they were going to ruin my wedding day. We went to a courthouse and a nice restaurant.
My birthday’s 2 days after hers so she declared our birth month her birth month and every birthday of mine had to he a celebration of her motherhood (she did not give birth to me she’s my paternal grandmother). Also at my quinceñera they forced me to marry the ghost of jesus without my consent and my “vows” were to stop being such a slut (they forced me into CSAM until I was 12) in front of my friends and family.
Threw a tantrum at my HS graduation and lied so my family spent the day chewing me out for being so awful and self centered (I’m first gen, it was a big deal for me). Also body blocked me from going to my college graduation so I missed it. Then blocked in my car, hid my keys, and slept in thinking I would wait for them (they were genuinely surprised I didn’t) when I moved for grad school. They also visited me once in grad school to demand I go home because, in their words, I am not human like them and I was born to be the family servant. I went NC some time after, and they tried to SWAT me saying I was a school shooter (the visit was to “celebrate” my passing my comprehensive exam).
They gave me a literal piece of trash (like from a trash can) to frame my bachelor’s degree, trashed half my paintings and most of my awards, and any time someone complimented my food grandma threw a tantrum, feigned a heart attack, or “accidentally” trashed it.
My in laws absolutely destroyed our wedding. My mother in law first asked me to step out of the pictures. She then took my 8 month old out of my family members’ and friends’ arms without permission and walked away with her. 4 of them made a speech and not one single person mentioned me; just waxed lyrical about how awesome they were with a few one liners at my husband’s expense. I kept scanning the room during the speeches, watching everyone’s faces twist like “what the fuck?” Then during what should have been our dances, my FIL took my husband outside with his friends and they smoked cigars for an hour. I had to cancel our dances and had several people approach me, sitting alone at the table, asking if I was okay. I hate them.
When I became a mother, she told me “you’re going to have a dead baby” on my first day home with my beautiful new baby, after she spit up some milk. Apparently a newborn baby spitting up milk means they have some horrible health problem that will result in immediate death. The sheer terror I felt as she gave me the encyclopedia of possible fatal causes (she was a nurse, so she had all the shitty info) punctured my most precious moment of joy in my life. Fuck her forever.
My first ever Halloween trick or treating I was maybe 3 or 4 and I was so excited to have gotten so much candy. My NDad told me I was allowed to have only one piece of candy that night. He caught me trying to sneak a second and snatched the entire pale out of my hands and dumped it in the garbage.
When I was 20 years old I got the highest average in the department of my University during my undergraduate degree. My University sent me a letter congratulating me on having the highest average and invited me to a banquet to celebrate my accomplishment and I also had an invitation to do a newspaper interview. I had to RSVP for the banquet and the newspaper interview. My jealous nmom opened my mail illegally and read it and decided to hide it. Months later she says “Oh Yeah you got something in the mail I have no idea what this is about” and she throws the letter at me and I get to discover that the banquet and newspaper interviews were already long gone. I didnt get to RSVP and I didn’t get to enjoy the rewards for my accomplishments. Then on my graduation day when I crossed the stage to accept the dean’s medal for having the highest grades the dean looked me in the eyes and said “why wouldn’t you attend your own banquet?” And I was just so utterly humiliated and speechless I had no idea what to say to him. My mom is lucky I even ever spoke to her again after doing that to me. And if i bring it up? The classic! “Never did it, never happened, no clue what your talking about, where do you get this stuff from?”
My mom dropped me off at the back of my graduation venue, where no one else was, with no phone, and i walked into graduation crying after a security member yelled at me for being there
At my wedding she purposefully pretended she couldn’t find the ring. The best man had it. She cussed out all of my groomsmen. My husband’s best friends family are a different race. When they came in she called the police for “wedding crashing” and humiliated them. I was so livid!
My graduation from grad school she refused to stay even 5 .minutes more because it was “a waste of time” and “no big deal. It’s not an accomplishment”. She cussed out several people there and cried because we didn’t do her favorite restraunt. Trust was we wouldn’t all fit and chose a bigger place.
Birth of my first child she insisted it was her baby and wouldn’t let anyone else hold or even look at her. She wouldn’t let me have her to feed her (breastfeeding) bc the baby “just needed her ooma”.
At my wedding, they both did their very, very best to ruin my day. Let me say that I just wanted to elope. I didn’t want the big wedding because I knew the freak show that was my family.
My husband, however, wanted the big bash for his family.
My dad refused to get a tuxedo – we offered to pay – he refused. We said it’s just for the ceremony and pictures and then you can change. He still wouldn’t. I got married in March – he wore a seersucker jacket and golf shirt and my mother wore a pair of slacks and a sweater. This was their version of dressing up for a wedding.
The day before my wedding – my mother didn’t know if she was coming or not. She would have to see how she felt that morning. I told her “get your ass there!” She showed up but ruined every picture and every moment she could.
Dad had died. Covert narc grandma trying to scapegoat me and manipulate me, so I’m staying with her temporarily. I told her my law school graduation is coming up. Ask her if she wanted to watch it online since dad wasn’t alive to watch me like he always wanted to.
Grandma: I don’t understand why I’d watch that.
Me: immediately just says okay and walks away and she seems visibly upset later I didn’t beg her
My N-mom wouldn’t allow my husband and I to depart for our honeymoon until we had cleaned the carpet in the rented room with a carpet cleaner. All we were supposed to do was vacuum and wipe off the tables.
After the emergency C-section delivery of my second child 3 weeks early, she waited until I was alone in my hospital room to lay into me for not having gone grocery shopping for her since she was staying with my other child. My other child who was supposed to have gone with my friend, but N-mom wouldn’t allow it.
30 mins before I left for a formal even with my now fiance, my nmother decided it was time that we discuss all the reasons why I wasn’t happy growing up while gaslighting me about my experience
The year I started college, my mom HAD to go back to school for the same degree I was going for, despite her having her masters in something else (She ended up dropping out).
I get engaged? She demands that my dad gets her a new ring and it’s just a little bigger than mine. And picks a fight with my fiancé for not letting her be there when he proposed and completely stressed him out.
I get pregnant? She suddenly loses the most weight she’s ever lost in her life and says, “Finally I’m smaller than you!”
I have a dramatic birth/emergency C-section with twins, and she schedules back surgery that same month, saying she’s “needed it for awhile.” Demands that the family tends to her because of this surgery. She never brought me a meal or helped with housework while I was postpartum with twins, but asked me to come clean her house and make her a casserole (I made the casserole but didn’t clean her house lol, pick your battles type thing). Ended up picking a HUGE fight with me two weeks postpartum for not doing enough for her and tried to turn my whole family against me during the most vulnerable time of my life.
For context, my grandma co-raised me w my mom, so we’re incredibly close and have a very unique bond. As soon as I told my mom I was pregnant, she picked up her phone to call my grandma (her mom). I immediately started saying “don’t tell grandma, I want to tell her in person”. As I’m saying this over and over again, my mom is fully ignoring me and says into the phone “MOM IM GONNA BE A GRANDMOTHER” and starts crying enjoying my grandma’s reaction that I missed and will never get again. Didn’t even put her on speaker. This was literal seconds after I gave her the big news. Flew her in to tell her in person with balloons and flowers. And that’s the first thing she did. I will never forgive that. I’m sure you all know very well what she says and how she acts every time I bring it up.
Didn’t attend my graduation for any of my degrees. My dad secretly vacationed one city over a week after my PhD defense, which he did not attend. He literally traveled across the country to be a tourist an hour away from me in secret instead.
First wedding: mom tried to force me to change the location by 500km because my dad’s friend told them that we expected them to pay for everything. She wouldn’t believe me when I told her we didn’t expect her to pay for anything. When I asked my parents to give a “welcome to the family speech” they asked if an uncle I’ve met like 4 times could do it instead. They asked the same thing the day of the wedding.
Second wedding: did not attend, told me that my dad’s doctor said he wasn’t allowed to make any plans that entire summer or fall.
Child’s Birth: did not check in during the pregnancy, did not acknowledge her at all for almost two months.
My mom took all the credit for ‘raising such a bright young woman’ at an honors ceremony when I was in college…She literally didn’t raise me, my grandmother did and my grandma and I just kept sharing looks like 👀.
I didn’t want to invite her but my college sent default invites, my grandma went with her.
My Dad pulled a no call, no show on my wedding day. Thankfully, my younger brother walked me. My Mom had a habit of missing my events regularly, so she could make it to my siblings’ special events. She was too busy to come see me when an award for being the only 4th year language student in my high school. Unless she thought it would make her look bad to the church community. My Dad showed up to my high school graduation, he was so intoxicated on drugs and alcohol that they got him away before I could see him. He yelled louder than any other parent or family for any other students I graduated with.
at my college graduation – my mom tossed me a dollar tree necklace… then asked me and my grandma to pay the dinner bill because they didn’t have any money (after telling everyone it was their treat) then asked me for more money so they could drive home. I literally had just walked the stage two hours before.
My parents, grandparents, and sibling attended my high school graduation ceremony. After it ended I went out into the area where all of my classmates were reuniting with their families and taking pictures. I combed through the crowd a few times but couldn’t find my family anywhere. I started crying because I felt awkward and unwanted, navigating a crowd full of my peers being loved on and posing with their families. Someone’s mom asked me if I was OK and gave me a tissue and a hug when I told her I couldn’t find my family. I was so embarrassed. It turned out that they had split from the venue immediately once the ceremony ended and had been out in the parking lot waiting for me in the car because “we don’t like crowds.” Ugh. I guess that’s kind of reasonable, but couldn’t you have at least let me know the plan so I would know where to meet you afterward. Not everything is about your comfort.
I only witnessed this after watching the wedding video a year later but … At my first wedding at the reception apparently my mom told a large group of the guests that whoever did my make up for me really was very talented because when she saw me when I first woke up that morning I looked awful. Yes mom. I looked awful because I hadn’t slept properly in weeks because of how stressful the wedding planning was and how I probably even then knew I was making a huge mistake by marrying my first husband. I wish she had checked in with me and asked why I was so anxious about everything instead of waiting until after the ceremony and making fun of me to my wedding guests. Especially since I felt self conscious about being dressed up so much and having attention on me (I didn’t know it at the time but I realized years later that I’m a trans man, so I think that is why I felt so vulnerable in that get-up, and especially hurt after I heard her talk about me that way. At the time I really felt like I just sucked at being a woman, and this made me feel like I couldn’t even perform femininity when I was trying my hardest.)
Also speaking of wedding planning she got so so mad at me for wanting an ivory dress, acted like it would make everyone question my purity (we both knew I’d lost my virginity years prior).
She also had big opinions about many aspects of the wedding that she expressed with lots of judgement.
She expressed a lot of hurt and disappointment 11 years later when I got married to a new and improved man without telling her about it in advance or inviting her!
On my wedding day, the photographer noticed people were starting to leave so she wanted to “stage” the send off photos. My mom thought my husband and I were actually leaving and despite us telling her we weren’t, she flew into hysterics and made the photographer super uncomfortable and made a scene. The photographer hasn’t photographed a wedding since and I was so embarrassed.
Med School graduation: NDad actually posed for pictures with my degree, enabler mom sulked at the celebratory lunch because I announced I was not planning to start residency in my hometown. Bonus track: N ex-boyfriend did not show up because of “work emergency”. Ah, fun times
I managed to finish my MA despite having suffered from depression. When I asked my mother if she wanted to attend the graduation ceremony, she told me “What would I do there?” and convinced me that I didn’t want to go either. She had not been able to attend the BA ceremony either for valid health reasons at the time and told everyone how sad she was that she couldn’t attend, so I found this very confusing. Now she claims it was my father who didnt want to go. When I finished my MA my father had already been dead for 2 years…
He would always fight with me before my birthday. But last time it escalated. One week before my BDay he literally cancelled!! my birthday trip because we had a fight. One week !!, I was sooo shook that I couldn’t speak.
We fought two weeks before my birthday and he threatened me to cancel my birthday trip if I wouldn’t come back to him within 15min but I’ve never thought that he would actually to it.
When he told me that I literally had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe but he didn’t text me to check if I was okay.
There’s other stuff that happened, but I don’t want to go into too much detail sry, it still hurts.
Called me on my way to prom to let me know that they were getting divorced…After we just played happy family in front of 45 of my closest high school friends & parents.
They (dad and SM) gave me an ultimatum for my wedding either them or my bio mom. They got mad when I chose my mom and told everyone i had uninvited them from my wedding. They got my punishment in for it too. When my grandma passed away a few months later, they waited till after she was gone to tell me. I was the only grandchild who didn’t get to say goodbye. They didn’t even want me to get married, after we got engaged they told my sister it would just be another divorce they had to pay for. Jokes on them, we’ve been married for over 5 yrs and together over 10.
Called to tell my father and his wife my 1st husband and I got engaged. They immediately said my step-sister had also just gotten engaged. They gloated about it.
A bit of backstory: My 1st husband and I (24f at the time) lived together. My step-sister (24f at the time) played the good little Catholic virgin. In real life she was not a virgin and had done many, many illegal things that I had never done. Therefore I was the harlot and she was the sweet virgin. 🙄
Additionally, my father and my mom divorced when I was 13. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to my mother, myself and 2 sisters. He was also financially abusive. I’ve gone no contact at many points in my life.
My father and his wife told us all about the huge wedding and reception they were paying for. Absolutely bragging for a good 10-15 minutes. I started to share our version. My father immediately cuts in with:
“You’re not having a real wedding are you?”
“You’re not going to wearing white are you?”
“Surely you don’t expect gifts.”
It went on for awhile.
Then my father’s wife gets on the phone. She starts telling me about how she raised her children with good morals, etc etc. How my sisters and 8 have done things her kids wouldn’t dream of. 🙄 Then she says what set me off. “I raised my kids so much better than your mother.” That was it for me. I told them I would never speak to them again.
We ended up eloping because my biological sister refused to keep any of my wedding plans a secret from my father. I was no contact at the time.
I had some sort of first date with someone I liked. They dropped me off, and his mother asked if they (mom+stepdad) would like to stay for a drink before they left.
To my horror, they said yes. When she asked them if they would like coffee, juice or tea, they said they would like to have a beer.
She said she never consumed alcohol so unfortunately, that wasn’t an option.
They said it was, because they had just bought some and it was in the car.
They had two beers or so.
Then drove home, after an hour or so his mother brought me home and they invited her in. Now totally drunk to the point were my mother could barely walk and my stepfather saying “I’ll beat you if you hurt her.” (As a joke. But seriously…)
Before he left, my mother insisted on him giving her a hug and before they closed the door after them, she tripped over her own feet and fell.
fun fact: after that they stated they saved me, because when they came home the dogs ripped apart the trashbag in the kitchen containing my sanitary pads, and it was all over the place. But they were so kind to clean it up even tho it was disgusting and I should have been the one cleaning it up. But since they did it, he would never know
Needles to say, his mother said that it was probably best if he didn’t contact me ever again.
Part of it might have been my own fault. He told me about this girl with alcoholic parents that he used to like and that he had to let her go because his mother was very uncomfortable about it, and a backstory about why.
I don’t remember if I lied or just didn’t say so. I sort of lived in denial anyway, in my head this was all temporary and one day it would all be better right?
Three things, the weekend of my doctoral graduation.
The night before my graduation, my dad used a word I didn’t know (“scullyism”), and when I asked him what it meant he angrily and sarcastically told me to “look it up in the dictionary” and “read a book sometime” to expand my vocabulary. I immediately Googled it and nothing came up, so I told him I wasnt getting anything, and asked him again what it meant.
He sputtered and couldn’t define it, but did email me the next morning to tell me about Scully family landlords and how badly they treated their tenant farmers and that’s where the term came from. He included a link (broken, of course) to prove that it was indeed a word that he was using correctly.
First thing he said to me the morning of my graduation wasn’t “congratulations”. It was “did you get my email?”. I said no, hadn’t checked it yet, too busy getting ready for my graduation.
He’s a recovering alcoholic and at my graduation party my friend very thoughtfully surprised us with a round of drinks, including a very nice mocktail for my dad. He bit my head off for my friend knowing that he was an alcoholic, saying it was “alcoholics ANONYMOUS”. Uh, would you rather have been served alcohol, dad?
At my graduation dinner, my mom and I spoke for about 5 minutes about a topic (who killed JonBenet) that didn’t interest my father. The rest of the 2 hour dinner was spent chatting about other, more general things. The next day, he refused to leave his hotel room or even speak to us because we “abandoned” him by talking about a criminal case he knew nothing about and wasn’t interested in. Sometimes the trash takes itself out, I guess.
Graduation- Nmom broke a nail,made a huge scene and had to go to salon , right in the middle of it, to get it fixed. Wedding- changed my bridesmaid dresses without telling me , saw when i walked down the aisle, said since her wedding was a backyard affair, she was going to use mine as the wedding she deserved. Exactly 2 of my friends were there the other 320 people were her friends, business collegues , relatives etc . Accidentally walked into me while carrying an open raspberry colored lipstick, smearing on my sleeve prior to going down aisle. proceeds to tell everyone i did it to ruin her special day, Birthday- whats that? never had one . Birth of child- child 1 showed up, caused a scene, was allowed in next day , told me i looked like a fat droopy cow, started lecturing nurses etc. child 2- refused to help , when i called her , i was bleeding heavy , said no one helped her , so i just had to deal with it. was alone with first child who was 4 , husband was on business. I ended up bleeding and having an emergency hystorectomy, and my toddler . terrfied , looked after by some nice hospital people until she got there to pick him up. Promotion- Called the company , spoke to one of the VPS , character assassinated me, tried to get me fired, souly because she never made it to director before so therefore i shouldnt. That was the final nail, that was 2002 and that was the last time i spoke to her or my enabling sperm donor and have been sooooooooo much happier
When I was a teenager and got my learner’s permit, later that day my mother had me take the wheel with her in the passenger seat to the nearby Wendy’s (as she wanted food from there).
On the way there, there was a massive thunderstorm with rain bad enough that it was almost zero visibility and lightning hitting very close next to the road. A normal parent would either calm down the teenager or guide them to park until it passed (or switch and have the parent take over).
NMom decided it’d be a “great” idea to yell at me and start gaslighting me about all the things I’ve done wrong in the past, as I’m attempting to get off the road and park. Then she continued it when I parked to the point where I’m catatonic and in tears. Then whined on the way back home about how she had to take over driving.
I still haven’t went through the process of getting the actual license yet due to the trauma from that.
(She knew my father wouldn’t teach me because he outright admitted he’s a bad driver and shouldn’t be teaching me, and my mother gaslit me to think all of my other family members were the “actual” narcs. So she knew I basically only had her to rely on and relished in being able to emotionally abuse me because of that.)
When I graduated with my first college degree, I told my parents I wanted to say goodbye to some of my favorite teachers as I would be transferring schools . They called me over and over and over after graduation , demanding for me to leave the venue and walk across the street to where they were. I said no and they started guilt tripping me “fine then. We will just go home and not see you after your BIG DAY.” I had a full blown panic attack and was almost in tears. So I ended up leaving early and not seeing everyone I wanted to see just to appease them. I wish I hadn’t. I’m now NC and living my best life though. When I got my second degree, they were not there, and I had a great time.
Edit: just adding, they could’ve been with me when I said goodbye to people. Everyone filed out the same way to meet up with their families and take pictures and whatnot. They chose to walk completely the opposite way and leave the venue, then were mad I didn’t do the same.
When I found out I got a full scholarship to a boarding school abroad, and everyone was congratulating me, my father loudly announced he would “beat the shit out of [me]” if I got homesick and tried to come back home.
Birthdays, she didn’t like my friends when I invited them over to celebrate, she thought any activities I wanted to do were stupid or too expensive. Some time during my teens she just stopped doing any type of celebration (no cake, celebratory dinner, party, or presents). I am weird and avoidant about celebrating my birthday to this day. (Probably more on my mind because today is my birthday lol)
Graduation, I introduced her to my beloved thesis advisor who gently joked that I turned in good work but always at the very last minute and that I was lucky he was a fast reader. Afterwards all I heard about was how I must be so irresponsible to turn in work late and how embarrassing that was. She didn’t pay for a single cent of my degree.
Wedding, she picked endless fights with me leading up to it, invited a bunch of her friends without my knowledge or permission, complained that the rehearsal dinner didn’t include 50+ of her distant relatives, criticized how I looked day-of, picked a fight with me the morning after. Said she’d pay for part of the wedding and simply … didn’t.
Applied to grad school, she immediately started telling people that I was going to go to a program totally unrelated to the program I applied for. Not sure why, I guess she wasn’t listening and didn’t care what I actually had said about it.
We are VLC (after years of NC) and she will not be present for another one of my big moments ever again.
When I got married, I didn’t yet realize my nmom was a narcissist, so despite some crazy stuff, I was hoping to have her at my wedding. She pulled a knife on me and my brother called the cops. She actually made threats to kill me because I wanted to get married. She was committed for a couple of days, then (I recently found out) she said she didn’t feel that way anymore just so they’d release her. She didn’t come to my wedding, which in retrospect I’m glad she didn’t. But she was still making crazy threats so my brother didn’t come either. He stayed with her to make sure she didn’t carry any of those threats out. I’m forever grateful to my brother but angry that he missed it because of her.
Dad and stepdad got into a fist fight on my 8th grade night in front of the whole school.
Mom refused to walk with me on senior night because I wanted my dad to walk with me alongside her. She showed up to the game but wouldn’t walk.
Mom then took my car because of this.
Mom also said she was going to ruin my wedding day because of this as well.
🫠
My biggest moment was college. My entire life they pushed me to go to college. I chose a great highschool, took biology and other science classes at a local major pharmaceutical lab, studied pre-med while dual enrolled in highschool, did very well on my SAT, got schlorships and grants, got to college and at the end of my 2nd Semester my parents told me that they couldn’t pay my $1,200 balance. I had to drop out.
I never really recovered after that. I dont think my mother ever really wanted me to surpass her.
Applied to college, and they fought me tooth and nail, not even wanting to give me their financial info for aid or drive me to a town over and said as long as we are awake we can take you to orientation.
I stay awake all night to make sure I can go.
When it was drop off time, instead of helping me move into my dorm, my nmom rushed me, claiming she had to work, but really, it was to watch the Big Bang Theory
My monster-in-law wouldn’t allow my husbands siblings who are much younger than him and (used to) look up to him come to our wedding. The three of them were going to the beach. Her hometown that they go to six times a year every year. She wouldn’t change their plans to come to our wedding. Still fucks me up to today. We went NC about six months thereafter.
When I got accepted into a really competitive university degree I called my mum to tell her. She said ” I know, I made a call’. To who? Who are you going to call?
My wedding was INSISTED UPON by my parents – husband and I wanted to elope. It then turned into their grand unveiling of their combined weight loss after gastric bypass.
My karma is that they both gained all the weight they lost, back in less than 10 years after having the surgeries.
I graduated college at age 25. At my graduation party, my dad spoke a LOT about how he “thought I’d never make it” bc I graduated “late”. According to one of my friends it was worse than that; I guess I must have blocked it out but… sounds on brand for him.
Subtle one from my covert narc mom—but at my masters graduation dinner my dad made a sweet toast to me and my mom just rolled her eyes the entire time. I’ll never forget that.
Lol she ruined my engagement by pestering me the whole day leading up to the proposal to ask if i had any news. When i didn’t immediately call her to let her know, i was berated for ruining such a special day for her
Ruined my wedding by calling me an ungrateful bitch because i was upset that i had to sleep on the ground outside the night before my wedding. Because what would it look like to other people if i slept in the same building as my future husband before we were wed.
Ruined my daughter’s birth by refusing to fucking leave when i was trying to make a major medical decision with my husband when my daughter was in distress.
Ruined my second daughter’s birth after we were no contact for three years by making it clear that SOMEONE had told her about the birth because a huge baby package showed up within three days.
Dad took photos of the wrong girl crossing the stage during 8th grade graduation because he was drunk. Mom got into a fight with him, her mom and her dad at my high school graduation. Neither were there for my college, or my wedding by my choice. I was done letting them ruin my life once I was no longer legally forced to live with them.
Colluding with factors of my living situation as I planned to expand my private practice so I had to downsize instead and reduce my caseload because I didn’t have the bandwidth to work normal hours while living between friends and couch surfing.
Ended up being a time period where I wrote a few books though. Nparent is upset they’re not listed in the dedication page.
My mother never showed up at a event. I used to do theather and singing and she used to tell me the cost was too much. Even if I bought her tickets she wouldnt come. I lived in another city (not far) and she only visited me 1 time in 10 years.
Not when I finished school or anything.
She actually nowadays go to my husband performances.
My dad on the other hand even took his car across the country when he was unemployed too see me preform. We went and grabbed a burger when I graduated.
He visited me 4-5 times a year for almost 10 years.
He always had my back, and I his.
I got a big promotion, so they took me out to dinner. As I was leaving, while no one was around, my nfather said “don’t fall apart like you always do”. I fell apart 6 months later.
Never really got to celebrate graduation knew I wouldn’t be there with everyone else anyway –i fear wedding but that’s a couple years off we will see by then eh?
It was my sisters graduation, mother wore a bright neon orange dress, one that goes down the the floor and such. Also left right before it began with her bf to quickly buy a pack of cigs, it was not quick, the gas station wasnt far, our last name starts with S. She missed her own daughters walk for “a pack of cigs” (now that im older i dont think it was just cigs, knowing my mother it couldve been sex or a meth session)
Screamed at my toddler when he was walking down the aisle in front of us (and she was filmed), raging/screaming/throwing a tantrum when I announced I was pregnant with my partner of seven years (she had issues conceiving, and I am adopted), trying to take over my labour with our first LO.
My mother and stepdad are 100% narcissists and so is my mother in law but my husband doesn’t label her that way. I am nc with my side of the family. When we announced to my mil/fil the arrival of their only son’s first and only child and first granddaughter my mil said I was ruining her life, I ruined her son and that our daughter can’t be my husband’s because he would never do that to his mother. Sunday will be the first time we are seeing mil since our daughter was 1.5 and she’ll be 3 tomorrow. I’m DREADING it
When I purchased my first apartment, my mother threw a fit and cried because I had consulted with my father and not her.
My dad helped me with the down payment, for context. My mum has never contributed to my education or anything, despite the fact that she was made a very rich woman when she divorced my father.
My mom spent the morning of my wedding crying that she was “losing her little girl” and made a big scene over her hair and makeup that she had done but didn’t like. Walked around with a big frown literally the entire day.
I had scored a 25 on my ACT. It was well above the national average and enough to get me into the college I wanted. I ran outside and proudly handed my dad my score.
He looked it over, didn’t say anything, just read it over. Finally he said ,”Math killed you”. He didn’t say anything else.
I was gutted. I just walked back inside.
Months later at the dinner table, he told me I needed to retake the ACT. I had already used that ACT score to get me into the college of my choice at that point.
For my wedding reception, I sat with my husband at the restaurant since we only had immediate family and my MIL sat beside me. My mom came in and saw that then ran out bursting into tears because she couldn’t sit next to me. My MIL even offered her seat to my mom. My mom still left the restaurant crying and my dad had to go chase her because I told him I wasn’t going to.
It was my grandmother. I announced my engagement at a pre-Christmas non specific reason family gathering. It was met with silence and then my grandmother said, “your Aunt Carrie is retiring.” That was it. No one else had the balls to say anything congratulatory.
My thumbs would hurt from the book I would be typing on my phone 😭
There’s a reason I have been NC with my mother since 2009. And people will only see my reaction, and not the shit I was put through that lead me to said reaction 😔
On my 21st birthday, my girlfriend threw a little party for me at her house. All my friends were there and we had a great time, but I was lil too drunk to go home and my girlfriend wanted me to spend the night with her. I texted my mom that and both parents flipped out on me, threatening to kick me out and throwaway all my belongings. Even said that my relationship with my girlfriend is sinful and spewed so much vitriol to me. Later that night, my dad drove to my girlfriend’s house (we didn’t even know he knew where she lived), and tried to force me to go home with him during the middle of the party! We didn’t let him in my gf’s house and he started screaming like a lunatic for me to come outside, you could hear him screaming through the windows. Eventually he gave up and went home. Shortly after my friends went home, my girlfriend spent the rest of our night comforting me.
The night before prom she escalated a fight then drank a whole bottle of wine as revenge because she knew I’ll freak out because of that. I spent the next day in apathy, survival mode, high stress-level. Instead of living in the moment, I was spinning on high energy. The stress wanted to leavey body so bad, the excitement and the joy was intense in a sad, exhausting way.
In my country the prom is a series of reharsed performances. I still see her vividly among the audience with stiff shoulders and with that oppressive, dark aura. Didn’t make a proper photo of my prom dress because she wanted the rent to be cheap and return the dress on prom day! So I had to undress it right after the waltzer, hand it over and they rushed to the other side of the city without saying proper goodbye.
She will not be on my wedding.
Also as I studied music and performed a lot. She picked fights before every performances. I stepped on the stage in a daze and the stress of the performance was so much, I never remembered the time I spent up there. All I remember that she conducted me from the audience seats: look at her, fix my posture, smile for her. I was her royal jester. She tortured me a lot, I felt like a failure. Haven’t touched my instrument since I went NC.
My biggest opportunity for closure. My mom forgot to relay any details about the trial for my rapist, so I never had the chance to testify. It was someone she had let into our home when I was middle school aged, so the truth was somewhat inconvenient for her belief in her infallibility. She was violently allergic to accountability, so if she ever felt guilty she would either lash out or ignore me. I had left home for college, so I was relying on her to handle the court happenings. She first said she thought I wasn’t interested, then when I got upset she said she was protecting me from being upset.
When I got engaged (after they’d pushed me to get married) I called to tell them. My mum responded with “oh, you can’t. Your cousin just got engaged”. Then by the time I’d finished talking with my dad on the phone she called or messaged every single family member. I was robbed of being the first one to tell them my news
My mum did this when I graduated uni, moved overseas, bought a house and literally anything else she could brag about
Very long backstory to my college career but when I finally graduated the reaction was “oh nice.”
My wedding was a big ordeal of making my mom feel like she wasn’t “included or needed.” After her telling me that they would only give me a certain amount of money. They gave my sister 5x that amount for her wedding.
The announcement of my first baby and their first grandbaby was ruined by “what about the wedding?” My sister’s wedding. Not mine.
The birth of my first child was just an immediate pity party for my mom of not being able to hold the baby when she wanted.
I’m sure there are plenty others but those are just the most recent. Now NC for the second time for almost a year now. First time going NC was for a full year. We’ll be NC until they can grow up! 😊
My Nmom traveled overseas to see me about 2 weeks before the birth of my first girl. She had a baby shower planned and a few days before, I had an emergency where I needed to be induced about 1 week early. When I called to tell her, she got kind of aggressive complaining that her air bnb sucked. The next day when I was scheduled to give birth, she called to tell me the cable wasn’t working in the apartment, she felt totally cut off from the world and she had just booked a ticket to fly home in a few hours 🙄
It was every bit the sh!t show I told her it would be. I had been four years in a row, but of course I couldn’t possibly know what I was talking about.
I had a darn good and important reason* to go to bed early and get good rest.
During the pandemonium of our “ceremony”, I just caught her eye across the sea of chaos and mouthed “I told you so.” She never admitted fault or apologized. She’s dead, and I’m still mad at her for that one. I should have no-showed for it; I was 18 so no one could have done much. But I was held by money for college, which was my escape.
I still kicked ass, but no one needs added stress.
On my wedding day my mother looked at my dress and said, “I’m glad you didn’t wear a strapless dress like SIL, because fat people shouldn’t wear strapless clothes.” I’m not even fat.
My Nparents told me they wanted to adopt my son while I was pregnant with him, and when I refused, spent five years pushing me into a mental breakdown so they could swoop in and “save him from the unfit mother” all while insisting it’s only temporary and that “as soon as you’re well again you can have him back” I got to the point where I was not only stable, but was working towards building a life for me and my son and they immediately manipulated me into throwing all of that away by using my son.
I have no chance of ever getting him back btw, I can’t record conversations because they were quick to refuse consent to me recording which negates any recordings I had prior to my mother getting suspicious over there being no background noise once for unrelated reasons, they did also get child safety on their side with this.
When I went to college, he insisted we drive up together and took the opportunity to lecture me about making sure I still go to church and not have sex.
He was a civil servant, I work in the private sector. He’d always ask me how much money I was making whenever I was promoted, then sulk about me making more than him. Same thing when we purchased our first home.
When our daughter was born, they asked what they could do to help. We asked them to watch our dogs while we were at the hospital. They declined, I assume because they thought my inlaws would be invited to the hospital over them or something (no one was allowed, it was COVID). We spent a good deal of our stay worrying about who we were going to ask next to let the dogs out.
At our wedding, he gave a rehearsal dinner speech. Instead of it being about a father son relationship, it was a religious lecture. Incredibly cringy and not at all appropriate for the audience. On the actual day, he was just sort of… out of sorts. We didn’t get married in the Catholic church and he was visibly uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of his friends and family or something. Before the wedding, my mom assigned him to hang out with one of her older friends, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Knocked on the bridal suite multiple times to bother my mom and sister. Came by the groom suite with my mom’s friend while we were getting dressed and cracking beers (he’s a teetotaler). Forgot to bring the marriage license or whatever to the church. Forgot I asked him to lead a prayer before dinner and acted exasperated.
Got a first for my art degree, my mum asked if she needed to come to my graduation as she had ‘already been to one’ (my siblings). Sold my grad film to Sky Tv, she said she didn’t want to get a subscription so I didn’t see it. She also remarked in sarcastic tones ‘This is what we paid for’ when I showed my film to family friends. All, of course, since denied.
For some reason I had zero self esteem….
At my college graduation my dad got pissed hearing them call out the senior theses that the other graduating classmates had in addition to their diploma. I did not do one because I was spending the time getting actual work experience in my industry. He got so infuriated that he threatened to crash the car on our drive back to the hotel my parents were staying at. The nights before graduation was also a back and forth because he was insisting that I stay with them in their hotel (single room) instead of the place I was living with my then boyfriend now husband (who thankfully was away for the whole ordeal).
My dad brought his gf to my wedding when I had a strict no plus 1’s rule because of her. It was out of state for my family so that shouldn’t have been a problem. He winded bringing her anyway and the only reason I found out is because she posted on Instagram because she had my itinerary for the weekend knowing I’d see it. I had to have my brother walk me down the aisle 5 minutes before it was supposed to happen. Ruined the best day of my life and told me I was wrong for not letting him walk me down the aisle 💀
My mom sabotaged us financially when my husband and I were planning our wedding 🙃 and also avoided every mother of the bride responsibility like the plague and changed the subject any time the wedding was brought up. I can’t think of what was supposed to be the happiest period of my life without getting super pissed off at her all over again.
Couldn’t have made it more clear that they didn’t want to be at my college graduation ceremony but then the next time we saw extended family my mom turned it into her own achievement instead of mine
Grounded me on the day I was supposed to move to college so I wound up going later in the week and everyone had already made friends and chosen their rooms.
Oh boy. I’ve shared this before, but hs graduation ndad gave me the silent treatment for inviting my boyfriend. I moved out that day.
Birth of my first child, he drove across the country to “surprise” me, asked to be in the room for the delivery. Got pissed and left. Didn’t come see me ahain and decided to drive home. Got pulled over, got arrested for possession, spent a couple nights in jail, then called me to come get him when his enabler mother bailed him out. I told him no for the first time ever. I was struggling with complications and heartbroken. I didn’t want him in my child’s life anymore, and told him to never step foot on my property again. He told EVERYONE my in-laws and husband brainwashed me. My husband heard me sobbing after I hung up from across the house when he was outside. He immediately went into protective mode and fully supports me to this day. My oldest is almost 14 now.
Anything else big or important he either never showed up for, or I avoided having to invite him. I even eloped with my husband instead of having a wedding just so he wasn’t there to ruin it. I wished my mom was there, but didn’t want to risk him lashing out at anyone that was there.
Our wedding, way back in 1989. I made the mistake of trusting Nmom to address the invitations because she has lovely handwriting.
She ended up inviting a bunch of her friends instead of sticking to the list. 90% of the people there we didn’t know, while only 10% of who we actually wanted to come were sent invitations.
We didn’t realize it until the wedding. It really pissed us off, but we kept quiet as Nmom had already had a screamie meamie argument with a cousin while we were getting dressed, and we didn’t want to risk any more of her bullshit.
Looking back we wish we had just gone to the courthouse for a private ceremony. And on a funny note, six months after we married, we heard that the minister went to prison for distribution of cocaine. We had wondered why the ceremony went as fast as it did!! LOL!
I slogged through a degree I didn’t want or need in law and politics with undiagnosed ADHD, purely in an effort to please her, and when I got the news I’d graduated I rang her up to tell her she said “Oh” in a disappointed but disinterested tone, and never said anything else about it. Crushed me so badly I didn’t attend my graduation. I think that’s when I finally gave up trying to please her and just accepted I was a permanent disappointment to her.
My dad doesn’t have a license so we set up for my aunt to drive him to my highschool graduation so I could go with my friends. My mother for whatever reason found that offensive and cancelled the ride forcing me to drive him. She at the same time was planning a graduation party for me, but because she moved out of state halfway through my senior year we were forced to do the party and graduation on the same day even though another relative offered. She also had to leave my graduation early to finish “planning it”
Because my dad lost his license that year we ended up homeless 3 days later graduation and my mom went back to Tennessee. It’s ok though because she got to throw the party and that’s all that mattered.
College graduation, throwing up all day and telling me it was my fault because the restaurant I had picked out the night before must have given them food poisoning. (nobody else was sick)
I lost almost 40lb between my 2 pregnancies. I was going to the gym a lot and eating healthy and was starting to feel confident about myself again. I still had some to lose, but I got pregnant right away. I was 17 weeks pregnant with twins and she kept saying “yeah I can’t tell you’re pregnant at all. You don’t look pregnant at all, you look exactly the same” I had a bump, was in maternity clothes, and had gained about 20lb back. It was obvious.
She’s said worse, but I’m too anxious that she’ll come across it, recognize it, and I’ll have to deal with all of that. Maybe someday 🫠
Asked me on the drive to my college graduation, “what was your major, anyhow?” … it has been 4 years- you don’t know what I majored in?
Complained about the cost of my graduation dinner and refused to take ANY pictures of me, did take many of my GC sister, who was not graduating.
Told me, could not find the right pants to wear, and skipped my child’s naming ceremony, then went to the ER with chest pains in the middle- the whole family left to check on them .
Told my mom with my partner that we were engaged and we did it in a cute way where our moms were together and they unwrapped gifts that had “best mother of the bride” on them as a way to tell them. My partner’s mom figured it out first and excitedly exclaimed “are you telling us you’re engaged?!” And when we confirmed, the first thing my mom said was “and HOW MUCH MONEY am I to be expected to contribute to this???” I’ve never asked her for money in my adult life so it was not only tacky and ruined the moment but it didn’t even make sense!
When I told my parents I was pregnant I told them that only they knew and a close friend. My dad proceeds to post the following on his Facebook a few days later “so excited my daughter -my name- is having a baby girl named -baby’s name- due on the -due date-. Can’t wait to meet my granddaughter!”
Heading away to college. At the airport (pre 911). My mom and best friend were seeing me off at the gate. As I was about to walk on the plane my mother said “this is the last time you’re ever going to see me because now I’m going home and killing myself.”
I had worked so hard to get accepted at my university and in that moment she took it all away.
When I tried to stay behind she wouldn’t let me. I freaked out and they wouldn’t let me board.
I went home with her. My best friend whispered to me “don’t let her do this,” but I couldn’t live with the terror of her killing herself.
I never went to college.
Back story: My dad gave up his rights to me when I was a baby, but my grandparents still fought to have a relationship with me. My mom and her parents hated them and limited me to seeing them once a year for 1 day, while I stayed with my other grandma for about 3 months each year for the summer.
High school graduation: Both sets of my grandparents were invited. I had been accepted to a university and my mom’s mom had told me she would pay for me to go. That was…until I wanted to spend time with my other grandparents visiting. Right before I left to head to my ceremony, she told me that since I don’t love her as much as the other grandparents, she wasn’t going to pay for my college after all. She also refused to go to the ceremony.
Flash forward to college graduation. I’ll admit that I made some poor choices at that time, as I was very poor. I was arrested for shoplifting with a friend. I didn’t know anyone I could talk to about it, so I told my mom. She asked me if I had told my dad’s parents. I told her no because I didn’t want my grandparents getting upset over it. Keep in mind that my mom NEVER talked to them unless it was to bitch about them giving me presents or something.
So, I get a call about an hour later from my grandpa. My grandma was sobbing in the background and he handed me to her. My mom had called her simply to tell her that I had been arrested and that I didn’t want to tell them. I was livid and publicly roasted my mom over social media. She demanded a public apology or she wouldn’t come to my college graduation. I refused and thus she did not come.
That was the first move I ever made in direct defiance of her behavior. Letting your narcissistic relatives be miserable alone is the perfect way to handle them.
High school graduation – my nm made the entire day about herself, from the moment we woke up until we went to bed. She kept complaining about everything in existence and making everyone else miserable. It was raining that morning and she made a big deal about how she didn’t want to drive in the rain. I said “that’s okay, I’ll drive.” The entire way, she kept complaining that I wasn’t experienced enough to drive on the highway, even though I was trying to drive extra carefully due to rain and limited visibility. Then she kept complaining about the color of my cap and gown, that it “wasn’t my color” and that I “looked ridiculous.” Then she sent me exactly 22 text messages during the ceremony complaining about being bored and that there were too many of us graduating. Then she was upset about my principal hugging me because apparently it was unprofessional and I was embarrassing her. Pretty much the entire day was like that.
Same thing with just about every birthday. She always had to make a fuss either day before or the day of and make everyone cater to what she wanted.
Basic training graduation – I feel like she was determined to mess with me. This grown woman was acting like an immature third grader to the point where other people noticed and commented on it. Instead of tapping me out, she tried to pull my name plate off. Then she tried to mock one of my drill sergeants obnoxiously loudly. Then she kept trying to photobomb other people’s pictures. By the time she left, I wanted to find a ditch and hide in it until the end of time!
My mom complimented the obstetrician on her stitch work while sewing up my wife post-episiotomy! That’s not even that bad compared to her usual shenanigans, but that story will forever crack me up and horrify my wife. Who says that?!
My body recovered back to a more healthy weight after I dealt with anorexia for years and I was able to leave the hospital for good. When they picked me up they berated the nurses for shoveling food into me “so I was perfectly huge for slaughter like a cow” or something like that.
They complained about having to get me new clothes in the women’s section instead of the children’s and constantly made remarks about how I looked so much better before and how I ruined all my chances of getting with boys or being popular or rich “just for the sake of being lazy and selfish”. They disregarded my meal plan and my mother became an almond mom, ifykyk, and my dad pushed me to go to the gym or go for a run when I was still on half bed rest or when I was trying to catch up from the school work I missed.
My mother complained more about her own body and my dad began working out daily and would be in a terrible mood if he didn’t get to. They urged me to go back into my unhealthy habits. To make matters worse, everyone in school suddenly stopped being nice and I lost all of my friends and my health teacher who noticed my ED in the first place pretended I didn’t exist. I was so angry, I never wanted to go get treatment in the first place, it was against my will, and it was my moms initial fucking wish because I was very ugly to her then too. My dad still holds how much money it cost for my treatment against me. He says I might as well had cancer and died. I was content dying in my sleep in my own bed by starvation like I would have, for the record. I didn’t ask for help at all.
Narcissists have to be the absolute worst people to be around when you have your own mental health issues. Or any health issues, really. I’d rather go back and be in a literal psych ward with dangerous people.
Damn, this one is spot on. Berated me when I got engaged (I refused her command to propose in front of them and texted rather than call (very late) the night we got engaged). Guilt-tripped me for “making them worry” on the day of my daughter’s birth; that was literally the first thing she said (I had texted updates from the operating table while my wife was still cut open in front of me, and from the recovery room after, but dared to then rest for a few hours for the first time in like two days before calling). Took good news of my son get into a great school, and me getting promoted at work, and made it all about how I didn’t tell them soon enough (because I’m so “secretive”) and I had better have gotten a raise (she never had a career). Guilted me for pursuing a great career and dream of living in my favorite city because it’s “far.” The list goes on.
In my dad’s speech at my wedding he mentioned they were shocked that my husband stuck up for me once because my mom and I were “having a typical mother-daughter fight”.
Wanna know what the mother-daughter fight was about? Their dog was sprinting around the house and she kicked up the rug and it was curled on the corner. That drove my mom nuts and she asked me to fix it. I did and then the dog did it again. She starts SCREAMING at me for not listening and I was just zoning it out. That’s when my now husband stepped in and said hey she did it when you asked and then the dog did it again…
Baby was past due, so Nmom arrived on schedule but before the birth. I had to be induced, and she never asked if we wanted her to stay and never left the room. It was 33 years ago, and I still regret not asking the nurses to kick her out. My spineless ex was no help. She did the whole main character syndrome thing of standing there with tears pouring down her face while I was trying to push. It literally sapped my energy. Then I thought when they decided I needed a c-section that she’d bow out. Nope, gowned up and in the operating room alongside my ex. It never occurred to her that she wasn’t a prized addition to the proceedings. I fucking hate her for it still.
Chapter two: that baby graduates from college. Except then it was both parents who behaved horrifically.
In 8th grade I won a handful of awards at the end of year award ceremony, for academics. As we were leaving the ceremony my mom lamented about how much I had embarrassed her, and how she hated being “that mom” whose kid got all the awards.
My Nfather, whom I was NC for well over a year showed up at my wedding uninvited. And demanded to walk me down the aisle. I had already planned for my Grandpa to walk me down. If it weren’t for my Grandpa there would been a scene. And then on top of that, when everyone is supposed to sit, he stayed standing the whole time!
I didnt know he stood (he was behind me) until I saw the pics. I was and STILL so livid!
And then when I was pregnant and my husband was on deployment he told me at Thanksgiving “How’s it feels to be dumped while pregnant?”. I said what? “Where’s your husband? Hes not here.”
Um…hes on deployment, you know this
“Nah, hes left you. Hes not coming back”.
At my wedding taking photos I had to yell to get my dad’s attention to get into a photo. Everyone was waiting on him. He came over, photo taken, we all moved on. About an hour later I was inside chatting with guests and he came up to me in front of the group and pointed his finger at me and said “don’t you ever embarrass me like that again, don’t you ever treat me like that again” I cried, makeup ruined. Thanks 🙄 great memory.
My extended family was leaving my wedding, and I was pushing my mom’s wheelchair. I don’t think she realized it was me and she said to my uncle “Well, I never thought we’d see the day.”
Nmom refused to go to my high school graduation because my father would be there. She also made a child cry during my college valedictorian speech, then got mad when we took her home instead of out to a bar. She made my wedding all about the party she wanted to throw, but refused to do any of the work or pay for it. She made my father’s death all about her, and how much she loved him. They had been separated for 30+ years at that point and it wasn’t an amicable split.
Wedding. My Nfather made me cry saying how I am selfish that I didn’t let him take my mom and me to get our hair done (he literally would be sitting and waiting for hours) because I needed someone to sign for the flowers last minute at my venue.
Wedding shower. My Nfather told my in-laws who were generous enough to pay off a student loan of mine (I pay back monthly to them w/o interest) that I am materialistic and can’t manage my money. I called him out on it and he said my now husband’s grandmother was a liar or must have misheard him
Birthdays. Once I turned 14 (my mother got pregnant at 14 w/ my brother), he started saying “Happy birthday, you beat your mom, she had a baby by now.”
(I’m almost embarrassed to post these because they showcase just how many times I had to get burned before I learned to quit sticking my hand into the fire.)
-highschool awards ceremony (9, 10, & 11 grades): the whole way home Ndad grilled me on every single other person who won an award and asked why I didn’t get those awards (in addition to the stack that I did receive.) Many awards were specific to activities of which I was not a participant. Did not acknowledge any of the awards I received.
-senior year awards ceremony: I pushed myself to participate in EVERYTHING, won ALL the awards, Ndad decided not to attend the ceremony.
-highschool graduation: Ndad grilled me the whole way home about each person who received a scholarship and asked why I did not receive those scholarships. No card, no graduation party, no acknowledgement of graduating third in my class.
-wedding: asked Ndad to walk me down the aisle. Told me he didn’t feel like attending.
-college graduation: (I was married by this point). Graduated with honors. Asked to go to an inexpensive chain restaurant after graduation to celebrate (literally Logan’s.) Ndad insisted that we all go to cheaper buffet (Golden Corral.) I told him that my husband and I were going to eat where I wanted and we would pay for ourselves, he didn’t have to come. Whole family came to steakhouse, NDad sat outside the entire time ON A BENCH and refused to come in or eat anything.
-sister’s college graduation several years later: whole family went to restaurant of her choice, Ndad paid for everyone, looked at me during dinner and said, “I wish we could have had this experience when YOU graduated.”
-when I found out I was pregnant: my husband and I wanted to tell my parents in person, called and asked if they would be home, both said yes. We got there 10 minutes later, Ndad had gotten impatient and left. Told my mom, she insisted on calling Ndad to tell him. Husband and I figured we could still at least salvage the day by driving 5 minutes to my grandparents’ and telling them in person. Arrived to find that Ndad had immediately called and informed the entire family of my pregnancy in the 5 minutes it took us to drive over.
-first ultrasound: scheduled my first pregnancy ultrasound for the day after Mother’s Day. Asked my mom if she wanted to come along as a special mother/daughter treat. She invited my Ndad without asking me, he insisted on driving, drove a different route than I was familiar with, got lost, and yelled at me for not knowing how to get to my doctor’s office from that point. I arrived hysterical and my Doctor didn’t let anyone come into the room with me for the ultrasound except my husband because my parents were very obviously the source of my distress.
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When I walked over to my dad for the father daughter dance at my wedding, he said he didn’t want to because he didn’t want to be embarrassed. Thankfully, my FIL stepped in and danced with me.
Hmm… told her I was pregnant with first, didn’t believe me. Pregnant with the second, ‘oh… okay…’
Birth of first child was a wild ride ‘you need to calm down, it’s going to get worse’ child was back labouring the whole time, had caesaran because he was stuck and his heartrate plummeted, ‘I knew it was going to go wrong because you had an easy pregnancy’ she then left the day after he was born because I was breastfeeding and she couldn’t help…
Wedding, just being a general twat. Didn’t book transport until a week before or get a dress until a few days before. Stared at my dad (divorced) the whole time. Was only thinking about how her new partner was doing, kept dipping out to see him and inviting him to things he wasn’t asked to (like the hour before ceremony where we were all dressed and chatting). Also like specifically asked to RSVP online and choose meals etc.. she posted a card, with no questions answered and signed off ‘all the family’… great but that tells me nothing
Not my big moment, but my parents made my sister cry on her 18th birthday and I had to comfort her after.
I may end up going no contact with my parents, but I’ll definitely be around to support my sister.
When I told my dad I was pregnant he just said not to use his insurance plan for my pregnancy
Nmom told me that I couldn’t use the “Dr.” prefix the night before my PhD defense (which was in the morning). Also, berated me for my life choices for hours the night before my convocation. Made me cry both times.
During the trip to meet their grandchild I was told they couldn’t enjoy her and obviously I was living in fear and not enjoying her either because I wouldn’t allow them to hold my two week old baby after they flew internationally and refused masks or any other precaution.
They promised to pay for the wedding and rehearsal dinner but never did. Then my mom showed up in a white dress, took full advantage of the open bar, then went around telling everyone how she paid for everything. My MILs bosses were in attendance because they gave her piles of money just to be sure this happened. It almost cost her her job and we had to explain this to the president and VP of the company.
at my graduation, they showed up very smuggly and were very stand offish to my friends following the ceremony and unfortunately all my pictures are ruined with their smug ass faces!
had a fantastic dinner with my husband and friends following, family refused to go because it was “too expensive” (it was to texas roadhouse which they could very much afford and my husband had offered to pay for them)
Loudly and clearly made very critical comments and jokes about my friends and coursemates to me at my graduation that made it seem like they were inside jokes and I hated everyone.
Also, causing arguments or making strings of insults and reducing me to panic or tears before job or degree interviews.
My sister and I planned a surprise party for my mom’s 60th. We asked our dad if he’d like to chip in financially and he agreed (that was our mistake, we should have known). Then when it came time to collect his share he made up a story that he had booked a weekend trip for him and my mom and now he was out the money, and he had to cancel it. Then he told her about the party because he quote “wanted to hurt her” because we never threw him a 60th. She asked him later about the trip and he admitted it was fake. He was just trying to make us feel guilty.
He literally ruined every event. He did the same when I was going to throw my now ex-husband a party at their house which he was ok with. Then when the day came he started a random fight with my mom, and texted me trying to play the victim. I cancelled the party which I wish I hadn’t, and he just texted me back “thanks for doing that”. That really pisses me off now, but we all ended up going to a restaurant with my mom while he went somewhere by himself to sulk in his car.
through my teen years, my mom had a habit of starting an argument with me on my birthday.
I did a show at the Kennedy Center in a role written specifically for me. There was a gala after the show where 2 very famous people (a Broadway producer and a Broadway composer) were giving me great feedback about my performance. My mother walked up to us, and the people I was talking to said “Go share this moment with your mom.” All she did was complain about how road construction made getting to the parking garage a nightmare. She didn’t say a single thing about the show.
I was giving birth and I told the nurses I didn’t want her inside, she forced herself thru the doors when everyone was busy delivering and came in when I had my legs wide open
I think my mom has ruined every big thing for me in some way.
Got married, she fake planned a shower for me that I got excited about and then it never happened.
Graduation from law school, she showed up falling down drunk.
I used to do theatre- wouldn’t show up to my shows or would show up drunk and or tell me I was a narcissist for being on stage
Any big concert or school thing- falling down drunk.
It’s not even really my moment but for my parents 25th wedding anniversary, I did everything and threw a huge party, invited all of their friends old and new. It was going to be a surprise. But my mom found out I was planning it and told everyone that Im a fuck up and I was just going to ruin it.
No one came to my college graduation. She told me she didn’t want to visit the state bc she hated it after moving (a year after telling me to move there bc it was great) and then told me I couldn’t be upset bc I should’ve graduated on time. I had dropped out after my 2nd year of school and went back later. Then, told me she wouldn’t celebrate it unless I showed her my diploma bc of course she needed to accuse me of lying. Later, she asked for my diploma bc kids are supposed to give their parents their diplomas and she has my sisters. I was proud of myself bc I went into school with a major my family chose and was constantly told I wouldn’t find a job with the major I chose. I found a lane and worked hard for it, and she took it from me.
I never asked for a diploma from my university and never will.
I also canceled my wedding bc she and my MIL were letting us know in every way possible they were going to ruin my wedding day. We went to a courthouse and a nice restaurant.
My birthday’s 2 days after hers so she declared our birth month her birth month and every birthday of mine had to he a celebration of her motherhood (she did not give birth to me she’s my paternal grandmother). Also at my quinceñera they forced me to marry the ghost of jesus without my consent and my “vows” were to stop being such a slut (they forced me into CSAM until I was 12) in front of my friends and family.
Threw a tantrum at my HS graduation and lied so my family spent the day chewing me out for being so awful and self centered (I’m first gen, it was a big deal for me). Also body blocked me from going to my college graduation so I missed it. Then blocked in my car, hid my keys, and slept in thinking I would wait for them (they were genuinely surprised I didn’t) when I moved for grad school. They also visited me once in grad school to demand I go home because, in their words, I am not human like them and I was born to be the family servant. I went NC some time after, and they tried to SWAT me saying I was a school shooter (the visit was to “celebrate” my passing my comprehensive exam).
They gave me a literal piece of trash (like from a trash can) to frame my bachelor’s degree, trashed half my paintings and most of my awards, and any time someone complimented my food grandma threw a tantrum, feigned a heart attack, or “accidentally” trashed it.
My in laws absolutely destroyed our wedding. My mother in law first asked me to step out of the pictures. She then took my 8 month old out of my family members’ and friends’ arms without permission and walked away with her. 4 of them made a speech and not one single person mentioned me; just waxed lyrical about how awesome they were with a few one liners at my husband’s expense. I kept scanning the room during the speeches, watching everyone’s faces twist like “what the fuck?” Then during what should have been our dances, my FIL took my husband outside with his friends and they smoked cigars for an hour. I had to cancel our dances and had several people approach me, sitting alone at the table, asking if I was okay. I hate them.
When I became a mother, she told me “you’re going to have a dead baby” on my first day home with my beautiful new baby, after she spit up some milk. Apparently a newborn baby spitting up milk means they have some horrible health problem that will result in immediate death. The sheer terror I felt as she gave me the encyclopedia of possible fatal causes (she was a nurse, so she had all the shitty info) punctured my most precious moment of joy in my life. Fuck her forever.
My first ever Halloween trick or treating I was maybe 3 or 4 and I was so excited to have gotten so much candy. My NDad told me I was allowed to have only one piece of candy that night. He caught me trying to sneak a second and snatched the entire pale out of my hands and dumped it in the garbage.
My MIL responded to news of our pregnancy with “you’re brave….i don’t know how I feel about that….”
When I was 20 years old I got the highest average in the department of my University during my undergraduate degree. My University sent me a letter congratulating me on having the highest average and invited me to a banquet to celebrate my accomplishment and I also had an invitation to do a newspaper interview. I had to RSVP for the banquet and the newspaper interview. My jealous nmom opened my mail illegally and read it and decided to hide it. Months later she says “Oh Yeah you got something in the mail I have no idea what this is about” and she throws the letter at me and I get to discover that the banquet and newspaper interviews were already long gone. I didnt get to RSVP and I didn’t get to enjoy the rewards for my accomplishments. Then on my graduation day when I crossed the stage to accept the dean’s medal for having the highest grades the dean looked me in the eyes and said “why wouldn’t you attend your own banquet?” And I was just so utterly humiliated and speechless I had no idea what to say to him. My mom is lucky I even ever spoke to her again after doing that to me. And if i bring it up? The classic! “Never did it, never happened, no clue what your talking about, where do you get this stuff from?”
My mom dropped me off at the back of my graduation venue, where no one else was, with no phone, and i walked into graduation crying after a security member yelled at me for being there
At my wedding she purposefully pretended she couldn’t find the ring. The best man had it. She cussed out all of my groomsmen. My husband’s best friends family are a different race. When they came in she called the police for “wedding crashing” and humiliated them. I was so livid!
My graduation from grad school she refused to stay even 5 .minutes more because it was “a waste of time” and “no big deal. It’s not an accomplishment”. She cussed out several people there and cried because we didn’t do her favorite restraunt. Trust was we wouldn’t all fit and chose a bigger place.
Birth of my first child she insisted it was her baby and wouldn’t let anyone else hold or even look at her. She wouldn’t let me have her to feed her (breastfeeding) bc the baby “just needed her ooma”.
Too many others to share
At my wedding, they both did their very, very best to ruin my day. Let me say that I just wanted to elope. I didn’t want the big wedding because I knew the freak show that was my family.
My husband, however, wanted the big bash for his family.
My dad refused to get a tuxedo – we offered to pay – he refused. We said it’s just for the ceremony and pictures and then you can change. He still wouldn’t. I got married in March – he wore a seersucker jacket and golf shirt and my mother wore a pair of slacks and a sweater. This was their version of dressing up for a wedding.
The day before my wedding – my mother didn’t know if she was coming or not. She would have to see how she felt that morning. I told her “get your ass there!” She showed up but ruined every picture and every moment she could.
Dad had died. Covert narc grandma trying to scapegoat me and manipulate me, so I’m staying with her temporarily. I told her my law school graduation is coming up. Ask her if she wanted to watch it online since dad wasn’t alive to watch me like he always wanted to.
Grandma: I don’t understand why I’d watch that.
Me: immediately just says okay and walks away and she seems visibly upset later I didn’t beg her
My N-mom wouldn’t allow my husband and I to depart for our honeymoon until we had cleaned the carpet in the rented room with a carpet cleaner. All we were supposed to do was vacuum and wipe off the tables.
After the emergency C-section delivery of my second child 3 weeks early, she waited until I was alone in my hospital room to lay into me for not having gone grocery shopping for her since she was staying with my other child. My other child who was supposed to have gone with my friend, but N-mom wouldn’t allow it.
30 mins before I left for a formal even with my now fiance, my nmother decided it was time that we discuss all the reasons why I wasn’t happy growing up while gaslighting me about my experience
The year I started college, my mom HAD to go back to school for the same degree I was going for, despite her having her masters in something else (She ended up dropping out).
I get engaged? She demands that my dad gets her a new ring and it’s just a little bigger than mine. And picks a fight with my fiancé for not letting her be there when he proposed and completely stressed him out.
I get pregnant? She suddenly loses the most weight she’s ever lost in her life and says, “Finally I’m smaller than you!”
I have a dramatic birth/emergency C-section with twins, and she schedules back surgery that same month, saying she’s “needed it for awhile.” Demands that the family tends to her because of this surgery. She never brought me a meal or helped with housework while I was postpartum with twins, but asked me to come clean her house and make her a casserole (I made the casserole but didn’t clean her house lol, pick your battles type thing). Ended up picking a HUGE fight with me two weeks postpartum for not doing enough for her and tried to turn my whole family against me during the most vulnerable time of my life.
Nmom sent me to my room on the day of my high school graduation because I refused to take a picture with my deadbeat ndad.
For context, my grandma co-raised me w my mom, so we’re incredibly close and have a very unique bond. As soon as I told my mom I was pregnant, she picked up her phone to call my grandma (her mom). I immediately started saying “don’t tell grandma, I want to tell her in person”. As I’m saying this over and over again, my mom is fully ignoring me and says into the phone “MOM IM GONNA BE A GRANDMOTHER” and starts crying enjoying my grandma’s reaction that I missed and will never get again. Didn’t even put her on speaker. This was literal seconds after I gave her the big news. Flew her in to tell her in person with balloons and flowers. And that’s the first thing she did. I will never forgive that. I’m sure you all know very well what she says and how she acts every time I bring it up.
Didn’t attend my graduation for any of my degrees. My dad secretly vacationed one city over a week after my PhD defense, which he did not attend. He literally traveled across the country to be a tourist an hour away from me in secret instead.
First wedding: mom tried to force me to change the location by 500km because my dad’s friend told them that we expected them to pay for everything. She wouldn’t believe me when I told her we didn’t expect her to pay for anything. When I asked my parents to give a “welcome to the family speech” they asked if an uncle I’ve met like 4 times could do it instead. They asked the same thing the day of the wedding.
Second wedding: did not attend, told me that my dad’s doctor said he wasn’t allowed to make any plans that entire summer or fall.
Child’s Birth: did not check in during the pregnancy, did not acknowledge her at all for almost two months.
She inflated my grades to make them look more impressive , then she would claim all the merits to anyone cursed with two ears.
Ofc she didn’t help me, on the contrary.
Classical.
My mom took all the credit for ‘raising such a bright young woman’ at an honors ceremony when I was in college…She literally didn’t raise me, my grandmother did and my grandma and I just kept sharing looks like 👀.
I didn’t want to invite her but my college sent default invites, my grandma went with her.
The day I officially beat cancer I got a text from my Ndad saying that the devil was coming after me because it was such a high moment for me.
My Dad pulled a no call, no show on my wedding day. Thankfully, my younger brother walked me. My Mom had a habit of missing my events regularly, so she could make it to my siblings’ special events. She was too busy to come see me when an award for being the only 4th year language student in my high school. Unless she thought it would make her look bad to the church community. My Dad showed up to my high school graduation, he was so intoxicated on drugs and alcohol that they got him away before I could see him. He yelled louder than any other parent or family for any other students I graduated with.
at my college graduation – my mom tossed me a dollar tree necklace… then asked me and my grandma to pay the dinner bill because they didn’t have any money (after telling everyone it was their treat) then asked me for more money so they could drive home. I literally had just walked the stage two hours before.
My parents, grandparents, and sibling attended my high school graduation ceremony. After it ended I went out into the area where all of my classmates were reuniting with their families and taking pictures. I combed through the crowd a few times but couldn’t find my family anywhere. I started crying because I felt awkward and unwanted, navigating a crowd full of my peers being loved on and posing with their families. Someone’s mom asked me if I was OK and gave me a tissue and a hug when I told her I couldn’t find my family. I was so embarrassed. It turned out that they had split from the venue immediately once the ceremony ended and had been out in the parking lot waiting for me in the car because “we don’t like crowds.” Ugh. I guess that’s kind of reasonable, but couldn’t you have at least let me know the plan so I would know where to meet you afterward. Not everything is about your comfort.
I only witnessed this after watching the wedding video a year later but … At my first wedding at the reception apparently my mom told a large group of the guests that whoever did my make up for me really was very talented because when she saw me when I first woke up that morning I looked awful. Yes mom. I looked awful because I hadn’t slept properly in weeks because of how stressful the wedding planning was and how I probably even then knew I was making a huge mistake by marrying my first husband. I wish she had checked in with me and asked why I was so anxious about everything instead of waiting until after the ceremony and making fun of me to my wedding guests. Especially since I felt self conscious about being dressed up so much and having attention on me (I didn’t know it at the time but I realized years later that I’m a trans man, so I think that is why I felt so vulnerable in that get-up, and especially hurt after I heard her talk about me that way. At the time I really felt like I just sucked at being a woman, and this made me feel like I couldn’t even perform femininity when I was trying my hardest.)
Also speaking of wedding planning she got so so mad at me for wanting an ivory dress, acted like it would make everyone question my purity (we both knew I’d lost my virginity years prior).
She also had big opinions about many aspects of the wedding that she expressed with lots of judgement.
She expressed a lot of hurt and disappointment 11 years later when I got married to a new and improved man without telling her about it in advance or inviting her!
On my wedding day, the photographer noticed people were starting to leave so she wanted to “stage” the send off photos. My mom thought my husband and I were actually leaving and despite us telling her we weren’t, she flew into hysterics and made the photographer super uncomfortable and made a scene. The photographer hasn’t photographed a wedding since and I was so embarrassed.
Med School graduation: NDad actually posed for pictures with my degree, enabler mom sulked at the celebratory lunch because I announced I was not planning to start residency in my hometown. Bonus track: N ex-boyfriend did not show up because of “work emergency”. Ah, fun times
I managed to finish my MA despite having suffered from depression. When I asked my mother if she wanted to attend the graduation ceremony, she told me “What would I do there?” and convinced me that I didn’t want to go either. She had not been able to attend the BA ceremony either for valid health reasons at the time and told everyone how sad she was that she couldn’t attend, so I found this very confusing. Now she claims it was my father who didnt want to go. When I finished my MA my father had already been dead for 2 years…
He would always fight with me before my birthday. But last time it escalated. One week before my BDay he literally cancelled!! my birthday trip because we had a fight. One week !!, I was sooo shook that I couldn’t speak.
We fought two weeks before my birthday and he threatened me to cancel my birthday trip if I wouldn’t come back to him within 15min but I’ve never thought that he would actually to it.
When he told me that I literally had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe but he didn’t text me to check if I was okay.
There’s other stuff that happened, but I don’t want to go into too much detail sry, it still hurts.
Called me on my way to prom to let me know that they were getting divorced…After we just played happy family in front of 45 of my closest high school friends & parents.
They (dad and SM) gave me an ultimatum for my wedding either them or my bio mom. They got mad when I chose my mom and told everyone i had uninvited them from my wedding. They got my punishment in for it too. When my grandma passed away a few months later, they waited till after she was gone to tell me. I was the only grandchild who didn’t get to say goodbye. They didn’t even want me to get married, after we got engaged they told my sister it would just be another divorce they had to pay for. Jokes on them, we’ve been married for over 5 yrs and together over 10.
Called to tell my father and his wife my 1st husband and I got engaged. They immediately said my step-sister had also just gotten engaged. They gloated about it.
A bit of backstory: My 1st husband and I (24f at the time) lived together. My step-sister (24f at the time) played the good little Catholic virgin. In real life she was not a virgin and had done many, many illegal things that I had never done. Therefore I was the harlot and she was the sweet virgin. 🙄
Additionally, my father and my mom divorced when I was 13. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to my mother, myself and 2 sisters. He was also financially abusive. I’ve gone no contact at many points in my life.
My father and his wife told us all about the huge wedding and reception they were paying for. Absolutely bragging for a good 10-15 minutes. I started to share our version. My father immediately cuts in with:
“You’re not having a real wedding are you?”
“You’re not going to wearing white are you?”
“Surely you don’t expect gifts.”
It went on for awhile.
Then my father’s wife gets on the phone. She starts telling me about how she raised her children with good morals, etc etc. How my sisters and 8 have done things her kids wouldn’t dream of. 🙄 Then she says what set me off. “I raised my kids so much better than your mother.” That was it for me. I told them I would never speak to them again.
We ended up eloping because my biological sister refused to keep any of my wedding plans a secret from my father. I was no contact at the time.
I had some sort of first date with someone I liked. They dropped me off, and his mother asked if they (mom+stepdad) would like to stay for a drink before they left.
To my horror, they said yes. When she asked them if they would like coffee, juice or tea, they said they would like to have a beer.
She said she never consumed alcohol so unfortunately, that wasn’t an option.
They said it was, because they had just bought some and it was in the car.
They had two beers or so.
Then drove home, after an hour or so his mother brought me home and they invited her in. Now totally drunk to the point were my mother could barely walk and my stepfather saying “I’ll beat you if you hurt her.” (As a joke. But seriously…)
Before he left, my mother insisted on him giving her a hug and before they closed the door after them, she tripped over her own feet and fell.
fun fact: after that they stated they saved me, because when they came home the dogs ripped apart the trashbag in the kitchen containing my sanitary pads, and it was all over the place. But they were so kind to clean it up even tho it was disgusting and I should have been the one cleaning it up. But since they did it, he would never know
Needles to say, his mother said that it was probably best if he didn’t contact me ever again.
Part of it might have been my own fault. He told me about this girl with alcoholic parents that he used to like and that he had to let her go because his mother was very uncomfortable about it, and a backstory about why.
I don’t remember if I lied or just didn’t say so. I sort of lived in denial anyway, in my head this was all temporary and one day it would all be better right?
Still. I have never been so mortified in my life.
Three things, the weekend of my doctoral graduation.
He sputtered and couldn’t define it, but did email me the next morning to tell me about Scully family landlords and how badly they treated their tenant farmers and that’s where the term came from. He included a link (broken, of course) to prove that it was indeed a word that he was using correctly.
First thing he said to me the morning of my graduation wasn’t “congratulations”. It was “did you get my email?”. I said no, hadn’t checked it yet, too busy getting ready for my graduation.
He’s a recovering alcoholic and at my graduation party my friend very thoughtfully surprised us with a round of drinks, including a very nice mocktail for my dad. He bit my head off for my friend knowing that he was an alcoholic, saying it was “alcoholics ANONYMOUS”. Uh, would you rather have been served alcohol, dad?
At my graduation dinner, my mom and I spoke for about 5 minutes about a topic (who killed JonBenet) that didn’t interest my father. The rest of the 2 hour dinner was spent chatting about other, more general things. The next day, he refused to leave his hotel room or even speak to us because we “abandoned” him by talking about a criminal case he knew nothing about and wasn’t interested in. Sometimes the trash takes itself out, I guess.
Graduation- Nmom broke a nail,made a huge scene and had to go to salon , right in the middle of it, to get it fixed. Wedding- changed my bridesmaid dresses without telling me , saw when i walked down the aisle, said since her wedding was a backyard affair, she was going to use mine as the wedding she deserved. Exactly 2 of my friends were there the other 320 people were her friends, business collegues , relatives etc . Accidentally walked into me while carrying an open raspberry colored lipstick, smearing on my sleeve prior to going down aisle. proceeds to tell everyone i did it to ruin her special day, Birthday- whats that? never had one . Birth of child- child 1 showed up, caused a scene, was allowed in next day , told me i looked like a fat droopy cow, started lecturing nurses etc. child 2- refused to help , when i called her , i was bleeding heavy , said no one helped her , so i just had to deal with it. was alone with first child who was 4 , husband was on business. I ended up bleeding and having an emergency hystorectomy, and my toddler . terrfied , looked after by some nice hospital people until she got there to pick him up. Promotion- Called the company , spoke to one of the VPS , character assassinated me, tried to get me fired, souly because she never made it to director before so therefore i shouldnt. That was the final nail, that was 2002 and that was the last time i spoke to her or my enabling sperm donor and have been sooooooooo much happier
When I was a teenager and got my learner’s permit, later that day my mother had me take the wheel with her in the passenger seat to the nearby Wendy’s (as she wanted food from there).
On the way there, there was a massive thunderstorm with rain bad enough that it was almost zero visibility and lightning hitting very close next to the road. A normal parent would either calm down the teenager or guide them to park until it passed (or switch and have the parent take over).
NMom decided it’d be a “great” idea to yell at me and start gaslighting me about all the things I’ve done wrong in the past, as I’m attempting to get off the road and park. Then she continued it when I parked to the point where I’m catatonic and in tears. Then whined on the way back home about how she had to take over driving.
I still haven’t went through the process of getting the actual license yet due to the trauma from that.
(She knew my father wouldn’t teach me because he outright admitted he’s a bad driver and shouldn’t be teaching me, and my mother gaslit me to think all of my other family members were the “actual” narcs. So she knew I basically only had her to rely on and relished in being able to emotionally abuse me because of that.)
When I graduated with my first college degree, I told my parents I wanted to say goodbye to some of my favorite teachers as I would be transferring schools . They called me over and over and over after graduation , demanding for me to leave the venue and walk across the street to where they were. I said no and they started guilt tripping me “fine then. We will just go home and not see you after your BIG DAY.” I had a full blown panic attack and was almost in tears. So I ended up leaving early and not seeing everyone I wanted to see just to appease them. I wish I hadn’t. I’m now NC and living my best life though. When I got my second degree, they were not there, and I had a great time.
Edit: just adding, they could’ve been with me when I said goodbye to people. Everyone filed out the same way to meet up with their families and take pictures and whatnot. They chose to walk completely the opposite way and leave the venue, then were mad I didn’t do the same.
When I found out I got a full scholarship to a boarding school abroad, and everyone was congratulating me, my father loudly announced he would “beat the shit out of [me]” if I got homesick and tried to come back home.
Birthdays, she didn’t like my friends when I invited them over to celebrate, she thought any activities I wanted to do were stupid or too expensive. Some time during my teens she just stopped doing any type of celebration (no cake, celebratory dinner, party, or presents). I am weird and avoidant about celebrating my birthday to this day. (Probably more on my mind because today is my birthday lol)
Graduation, I introduced her to my beloved thesis advisor who gently joked that I turned in good work but always at the very last minute and that I was lucky he was a fast reader. Afterwards all I heard about was how I must be so irresponsible to turn in work late and how embarrassing that was. She didn’t pay for a single cent of my degree.
Wedding, she picked endless fights with me leading up to it, invited a bunch of her friends without my knowledge or permission, complained that the rehearsal dinner didn’t include 50+ of her distant relatives, criticized how I looked day-of, picked a fight with me the morning after. Said she’d pay for part of the wedding and simply … didn’t.
Applied to grad school, she immediately started telling people that I was going to go to a program totally unrelated to the program I applied for. Not sure why, I guess she wasn’t listening and didn’t care what I actually had said about it.
We are VLC (after years of NC) and she will not be present for another one of my big moments ever again.
When I got married, I didn’t yet realize my nmom was a narcissist, so despite some crazy stuff, I was hoping to have her at my wedding. She pulled a knife on me and my brother called the cops. She actually made threats to kill me because I wanted to get married. She was committed for a couple of days, then (I recently found out) she said she didn’t feel that way anymore just so they’d release her. She didn’t come to my wedding, which in retrospect I’m glad she didn’t. But she was still making crazy threats so my brother didn’t come either. He stayed with her to make sure she didn’t carry any of those threats out. I’m forever grateful to my brother but angry that he missed it because of her.
Dad and stepdad got into a fist fight on my 8th grade night in front of the whole school.
Mom refused to walk with me on senior night because I wanted my dad to walk with me alongside her. She showed up to the game but wouldn’t walk.
Mom then took my car because of this.
Mom also said she was going to ruin my wedding day because of this as well.
🫠
My biggest moment was college. My entire life they pushed me to go to college. I chose a great highschool, took biology and other science classes at a local major pharmaceutical lab, studied pre-med while dual enrolled in highschool, did very well on my SAT, got schlorships and grants, got to college and at the end of my 2nd Semester my parents told me that they couldn’t pay my $1,200 balance. I had to drop out.
I never really recovered after that. I dont think my mother ever really wanted me to surpass her.
put his dog down on my graduation day (first gen college) so the whole day was about his grief
Applied to college, and they fought me tooth and nail, not even wanting to give me their financial info for aid or drive me to a town over and said as long as we are awake we can take you to orientation.
I stay awake all night to make sure I can go.
When it was drop off time, instead of helping me move into my dorm, my nmom rushed me, claiming she had to work, but really, it was to watch the Big Bang Theory
My monster-in-law wouldn’t allow my husbands siblings who are much younger than him and (used to) look up to him come to our wedding. The three of them were going to the beach. Her hometown that they go to six times a year every year. She wouldn’t change their plans to come to our wedding. Still fucks me up to today. We went NC about six months thereafter.
When I got accepted into a really competitive university degree I called my mum to tell her. She said ” I know, I made a call’. To who? Who are you going to call?
My wedding was INSISTED UPON by my parents – husband and I wanted to elope. It then turned into their grand unveiling of their combined weight loss after gastric bypass.
My karma is that they both gained all the weight they lost, back in less than 10 years after having the surgeries.
I graduated college at age 25. At my graduation party, my dad spoke a LOT about how he “thought I’d never make it” bc I graduated “late”. According to one of my friends it was worse than that; I guess I must have blocked it out but… sounds on brand for him.
Subtle one from my covert narc mom—but at my masters graduation dinner my dad made a sweet toast to me and my mom just rolled her eyes the entire time. I’ll never forget that.
There’s a reason I didn’t have a wedding
Lol she ruined my engagement by pestering me the whole day leading up to the proposal to ask if i had any news. When i didn’t immediately call her to let her know, i was berated for ruining such a special day for her
Ruined my wedding by calling me an ungrateful bitch because i was upset that i had to sleep on the ground outside the night before my wedding. Because what would it look like to other people if i slept in the same building as my future husband before we were wed.
Ruined my daughter’s birth by refusing to fucking leave when i was trying to make a major medical decision with my husband when my daughter was in distress.
Ruined my second daughter’s birth after we were no contact for three years by making it clear that SOMEONE had told her about the birth because a huge baby package showed up within three days.
Dad took photos of the wrong girl crossing the stage during 8th grade graduation because he was drunk. Mom got into a fight with him, her mom and her dad at my high school graduation. Neither were there for my college, or my wedding by my choice. I was done letting them ruin my life once I was no longer legally forced to live with them.
Colluding with factors of my living situation as I planned to expand my private practice so I had to downsize instead and reduce my caseload because I didn’t have the bandwidth to work normal hours while living between friends and couch surfing.
Ended up being a time period where I wrote a few books though. Nparent is upset they’re not listed in the dedication page.
My mother never showed up at a event. I used to do theather and singing and she used to tell me the cost was too much. Even if I bought her tickets she wouldnt come. I lived in another city (not far) and she only visited me 1 time in 10 years.
Not when I finished school or anything.
She actually nowadays go to my husband performances.
My dad on the other hand even took his car across the country when he was unemployed too see me preform. We went and grabbed a burger when I graduated.
He visited me 4-5 times a year for almost 10 years.
He always had my back, and I his.
I got a big promotion, so they took me out to dinner. As I was leaving, while no one was around, my nfather said “don’t fall apart like you always do”. I fell apart 6 months later.
Never really got to celebrate graduation knew I wouldn’t be there with everyone else anyway –i fear wedding but that’s a couple years off we will see by then eh?
Went around telling everyone I had scored way less in school than I actually had. And would laugh it off and say haha I didn’t realise it
My parents were standing and fighting and that was the last I saw when I went on stage to get my degree
I (43M), the only college graduate of my siblings, recently told my mom how much it hurt that we never celebrated my graduation whatsoever
Her shock was cathartic
Not me, my sister
It was my sisters graduation, mother wore a bright neon orange dress, one that goes down the the floor and such. Also left right before it began with her bf to quickly buy a pack of cigs, it was not quick, the gas station wasnt far, our last name starts with S. She missed her own daughters walk for “a pack of cigs” (now that im older i dont think it was just cigs, knowing my mother it couldve been sex or a meth session)
She completely missed my graduation lol
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Screamed at my toddler when he was walking down the aisle in front of us (and she was filmed), raging/screaming/throwing a tantrum when I announced I was pregnant with my partner of seven years (she had issues conceiving, and I am adopted), trying to take over my labour with our first LO.
My mother and stepdad are 100% narcissists and so is my mother in law but my husband doesn’t label her that way. I am nc with my side of the family. When we announced to my mil/fil the arrival of their only son’s first and only child and first granddaughter my mil said I was ruining her life, I ruined her son and that our daughter can’t be my husband’s because he would never do that to his mother. Sunday will be the first time we are seeing mil since our daughter was 1.5 and she’ll be 3 tomorrow. I’m DREADING it
When I purchased my first apartment, my mother threw a fit and cried because I had consulted with my father and not her.
My dad helped me with the down payment, for context. My mum has never contributed to my education or anything, despite the fact that she was made a very rich woman when she divorced my father.
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My mom spent the morning of my wedding crying that she was “losing her little girl” and made a big scene over her hair and makeup that she had done but didn’t like. Walked around with a big frown literally the entire day.
I had scored a 25 on my ACT. It was well above the national average and enough to get me into the college I wanted. I ran outside and proudly handed my dad my score.
He looked it over, didn’t say anything, just read it over. Finally he said ,”Math killed you”. He didn’t say anything else.
I was gutted. I just walked back inside.
Months later at the dinner table, he told me I needed to retake the ACT. I had already used that ACT score to get me into the college of my choice at that point.
No “good job”, no apologies, nothing.
For my wedding reception, I sat with my husband at the restaurant since we only had immediate family and my MIL sat beside me. My mom came in and saw that then ran out bursting into tears because she couldn’t sit next to me. My MIL even offered her seat to my mom. My mom still left the restaurant crying and my dad had to go chase her because I told him I wasn’t going to.
It was my grandmother. I announced my engagement at a pre-Christmas non specific reason family gathering. It was met with silence and then my grandmother said, “your Aunt Carrie is retiring.” That was it. No one else had the balls to say anything congratulatory.
My thumbs would hurt from the book I would be typing on my phone 😭
There’s a reason I have been NC with my mother since 2009. And people will only see my reaction, and not the shit I was put through that lead me to said reaction 😔
On my 21st birthday, my girlfriend threw a little party for me at her house. All my friends were there and we had a great time, but I was lil too drunk to go home and my girlfriend wanted me to spend the night with her. I texted my mom that and both parents flipped out on me, threatening to kick me out and throwaway all my belongings. Even said that my relationship with my girlfriend is sinful and spewed so much vitriol to me. Later that night, my dad drove to my girlfriend’s house (we didn’t even know he knew where she lived), and tried to force me to go home with him during the middle of the party! We didn’t let him in my gf’s house and he started screaming like a lunatic for me to come outside, you could hear him screaming through the windows. Eventually he gave up and went home. Shortly after my friends went home, my girlfriend spent the rest of our night comforting me.
The night before prom she escalated a fight then drank a whole bottle of wine as revenge because she knew I’ll freak out because of that. I spent the next day in apathy, survival mode, high stress-level. Instead of living in the moment, I was spinning on high energy. The stress wanted to leavey body so bad, the excitement and the joy was intense in a sad, exhausting way.
In my country the prom is a series of reharsed performances. I still see her vividly among the audience with stiff shoulders and with that oppressive, dark aura. Didn’t make a proper photo of my prom dress because she wanted the rent to be cheap and return the dress on prom day! So I had to undress it right after the waltzer, hand it over and they rushed to the other side of the city without saying proper goodbye.
She will not be on my wedding.
Also as I studied music and performed a lot. She picked fights before every performances. I stepped on the stage in a daze and the stress of the performance was so much, I never remembered the time I spent up there. All I remember that she conducted me from the audience seats: look at her, fix my posture, smile for her. I was her royal jester. She tortured me a lot, I felt like a failure. Haven’t touched my instrument since I went NC.
My biggest opportunity for closure. My mom forgot to relay any details about the trial for my rapist, so I never had the chance to testify. It was someone she had let into our home when I was middle school aged, so the truth was somewhat inconvenient for her belief in her infallibility. She was violently allergic to accountability, so if she ever felt guilty she would either lash out or ignore me. I had left home for college, so I was relying on her to handle the court happenings. She first said she thought I wasn’t interested, then when I got upset she said she was protecting me from being upset.
My dad set up an account when i was young to pay for my college and then gambled it all away.
My parents didn’t come to my college graduation but they did attend my husband’s grad party (ex).
When I got engaged (after they’d pushed me to get married) I called to tell them. My mum responded with “oh, you can’t. Your cousin just got engaged”. Then by the time I’d finished talking with my dad on the phone she called or messaged every single family member. I was robbed of being the first one to tell them my news
My mum did this when I graduated uni, moved overseas, bought a house and literally anything else she could brag about
Needless to say, she gets no information now
Very long backstory to my college career but when I finally graduated the reaction was “oh nice.”
My wedding was a big ordeal of making my mom feel like she wasn’t “included or needed.” After her telling me that they would only give me a certain amount of money. They gave my sister 5x that amount for her wedding.
The announcement of my first baby and their first grandbaby was ruined by “what about the wedding?” My sister’s wedding. Not mine.
The birth of my first child was just an immediate pity party for my mom of not being able to hold the baby when she wanted.
I’m sure there are plenty others but those are just the most recent. Now NC for the second time for almost a year now. First time going NC was for a full year. We’ll be NC until they can grow up! 😊
My Nmom traveled overseas to see me about 2 weeks before the birth of my first girl. She had a baby shower planned and a few days before, I had an emergency where I needed to be induced about 1 week early. When I called to tell her, she got kind of aggressive complaining that her air bnb sucked. The next day when I was scheduled to give birth, she called to tell me the cable wasn’t working in the apartment, she felt totally cut off from the world and she had just booked a ticket to fly home in a few hours 🙄
She made me to go my HS graduation.
It was every bit the sh!t show I told her it would be. I had been four years in a row, but of course I couldn’t possibly know what I was talking about.
I had a darn good and important reason* to go to bed early and get good rest.
During the pandemonium of our “ceremony”, I just caught her eye across the sea of chaos and mouthed “I told you so.” She never admitted fault or apologized. She’s dead, and I’m still mad at her for that one. I should have no-showed for it; I was 18 so no one could have done much. But I was held by money for college, which was my escape.
On my wedding day my mother looked at my dress and said, “I’m glad you didn’t wear a strapless dress like SIL, because fat people shouldn’t wear strapless clothes.” I’m not even fat.
My Nparents told me they wanted to adopt my son while I was pregnant with him, and when I refused, spent five years pushing me into a mental breakdown so they could swoop in and “save him from the unfit mother” all while insisting it’s only temporary and that “as soon as you’re well again you can have him back” I got to the point where I was not only stable, but was working towards building a life for me and my son and they immediately manipulated me into throwing all of that away by using my son.
I have no chance of ever getting him back btw, I can’t record conversations because they were quick to refuse consent to me recording which negates any recordings I had prior to my mother getting suspicious over there being no background noise once for unrelated reasons, they did also get child safety on their side with this.
Every damn Christmas they made me cry. Why? It is my birthday. I am NC 2 years, partied by myself and gave myself an ass-kicking Christmas.
My dad screamed at me at my baby shower because I asked him to grab some trash bags.
He invited my rapist of 8 times to my birthday party and said I was overreacting when even HE KNEW what she did to me.
When I went to college, he insisted we drive up together and took the opportunity to lecture me about making sure I still go to church and not have sex.
He was a civil servant, I work in the private sector. He’d always ask me how much money I was making whenever I was promoted, then sulk about me making more than him. Same thing when we purchased our first home.
When our daughter was born, they asked what they could do to help. We asked them to watch our dogs while we were at the hospital. They declined, I assume because they thought my inlaws would be invited to the hospital over them or something (no one was allowed, it was COVID). We spent a good deal of our stay worrying about who we were going to ask next to let the dogs out.
At our wedding, he gave a rehearsal dinner speech. Instead of it being about a father son relationship, it was a religious lecture. Incredibly cringy and not at all appropriate for the audience. On the actual day, he was just sort of… out of sorts. We didn’t get married in the Catholic church and he was visibly uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of his friends and family or something. Before the wedding, my mom assigned him to hang out with one of her older friends, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Knocked on the bridal suite multiple times to bother my mom and sister. Came by the groom suite with my mom’s friend while we were getting dressed and cracking beers (he’s a teetotaler). Forgot to bring the marriage license or whatever to the church. Forgot I asked him to lead a prayer before dinner and acted exasperated.
Got a first for my art degree, my mum asked if she needed to come to my graduation as she had ‘already been to one’ (my siblings). Sold my grad film to Sky Tv, she said she didn’t want to get a subscription so I didn’t see it. She also remarked in sarcastic tones ‘This is what we paid for’ when I showed my film to family friends. All, of course, since denied.
For some reason I had zero self esteem….
At my college graduation my dad got pissed hearing them call out the senior theses that the other graduating classmates had in addition to their diploma. I did not do one because I was spending the time getting actual work experience in my industry. He got so infuriated that he threatened to crash the car on our drive back to the hotel my parents were staying at. The nights before graduation was also a back and forth because he was insisting that I stay with them in their hotel (single room) instead of the place I was living with my then boyfriend now husband (who thankfully was away for the whole ordeal).
My dad brought his gf to my wedding when I had a strict no plus 1’s rule because of her. It was out of state for my family so that shouldn’t have been a problem. He winded bringing her anyway and the only reason I found out is because she posted on Instagram because she had my itinerary for the weekend knowing I’d see it. I had to have my brother walk me down the aisle 5 minutes before it was supposed to happen. Ruined the best day of my life and told me I was wrong for not letting him walk me down the aisle 💀
My mom sabotaged us financially when my husband and I were planning our wedding 🙃 and also avoided every mother of the bride responsibility like the plague and changed the subject any time the wedding was brought up. I can’t think of what was supposed to be the happiest period of my life without getting super pissed off at her all over again.
nmom kicked me out three days before my 18th birthday and tried to convince my nsister to adopt me
Couldn’t have made it more clear that they didn’t want to be at my college graduation ceremony but then the next time we saw extended family my mom turned it into her own achievement instead of mine
My dad called me spoiled, entitled and selfish for wanting to treat myself for graduating college
Grounded me on the day I was supposed to move to college so I wound up going later in the week and everyone had already made friends and chosen their rooms.
Oh boy. I’ve shared this before, but hs graduation ndad gave me the silent treatment for inviting my boyfriend. I moved out that day.
Birth of my first child, he drove across the country to “surprise” me, asked to be in the room for the delivery. Got pissed and left. Didn’t come see me ahain and decided to drive home. Got pulled over, got arrested for possession, spent a couple nights in jail, then called me to come get him when his enabler mother bailed him out. I told him no for the first time ever. I was struggling with complications and heartbroken. I didn’t want him in my child’s life anymore, and told him to never step foot on my property again. He told EVERYONE my in-laws and husband brainwashed me. My husband heard me sobbing after I hung up from across the house when he was outside. He immediately went into protective mode and fully supports me to this day. My oldest is almost 14 now.
Anything else big or important he either never showed up for, or I avoided having to invite him. I even eloped with my husband instead of having a wedding just so he wasn’t there to ruin it. I wished my mom was there, but didn’t want to risk him lashing out at anyone that was there.
Our wedding, way back in 1989. I made the mistake of trusting Nmom to address the invitations because she has lovely handwriting.
She ended up inviting a bunch of her friends instead of sticking to the list. 90% of the people there we didn’t know, while only 10% of who we actually wanted to come were sent invitations.
We didn’t realize it until the wedding. It really pissed us off, but we kept quiet as Nmom had already had a screamie meamie argument with a cousin while we were getting dressed, and we didn’t want to risk any more of her bullshit.
Looking back we wish we had just gone to the courthouse for a private ceremony. And on a funny note, six months after we married, we heard that the minister went to prison for distribution of cocaine. We had wondered why the ceremony went as fast as it did!! LOL!
I slogged through a degree I didn’t want or need in law and politics with undiagnosed ADHD, purely in an effort to please her, and when I got the news I’d graduated I rang her up to tell her she said “Oh” in a disappointed but disinterested tone, and never said anything else about it. Crushed me so badly I didn’t attend my graduation. I think that’s when I finally gave up trying to please her and just accepted I was a permanent disappointment to her.
My dad doesn’t have a license so we set up for my aunt to drive him to my highschool graduation so I could go with my friends. My mother for whatever reason found that offensive and cancelled the ride forcing me to drive him. She at the same time was planning a graduation party for me, but because she moved out of state halfway through my senior year we were forced to do the party and graduation on the same day even though another relative offered. She also had to leave my graduation early to finish “planning it”
Because my dad lost his license that year we ended up homeless 3 days later graduation and my mom went back to Tennessee. It’s ok though because she got to throw the party and that’s all that mattered.
College graduation, throwing up all day and telling me it was my fault because the restaurant I had picked out the night before must have given them food poisoning. (nobody else was sick)
I lost almost 40lb between my 2 pregnancies. I was going to the gym a lot and eating healthy and was starting to feel confident about myself again. I still had some to lose, but I got pregnant right away. I was 17 weeks pregnant with twins and she kept saying “yeah I can’t tell you’re pregnant at all. You don’t look pregnant at all, you look exactly the same” I had a bump, was in maternity clothes, and had gained about 20lb back. It was obvious.
She’s said worse, but I’m too anxious that she’ll come across it, recognize it, and I’ll have to deal with all of that. Maybe someday 🫠
Edit: word correction
Asked me on the drive to my college graduation, “what was your major, anyhow?” … it has been 4 years- you don’t know what I majored in?
Complained about the cost of my graduation dinner and refused to take ANY pictures of me, did take many of my GC sister, who was not graduating.
Told me, could not find the right pants to wear, and skipped my child’s naming ceremony, then went to the ER with chest pains in the middle- the whole family left to check on them .
Verbally attacked me at my wedding. Has never apologised. We are no contact.
I have 2 Masters degrees. Not one of my family members came to any of my graduations. From high school or college.
My mother ruined my college graduation. I kinda blocked out how.
Told my mom with my partner that we were engaged and we did it in a cute way where our moms were together and they unwrapped gifts that had “best mother of the bride” on them as a way to tell them. My partner’s mom figured it out first and excitedly exclaimed “are you telling us you’re engaged?!” And when we confirmed, the first thing my mom said was “and HOW MUCH MONEY am I to be expected to contribute to this???” I’ve never asked her for money in my adult life so it was not only tacky and ruined the moment but it didn’t even make sense!
When I told my parents I was pregnant I told them that only they knew and a close friend. My dad proceeds to post the following on his Facebook a few days later “so excited my daughter -my name- is having a baby girl named -baby’s name- due on the -due date-. Can’t wait to meet my granddaughter!”
Heading away to college. At the airport (pre 911). My mom and best friend were seeing me off at the gate. As I was about to walk on the plane my mother said “this is the last time you’re ever going to see me because now I’m going home and killing myself.”
I had worked so hard to get accepted at my university and in that moment she took it all away.
When I tried to stay behind she wouldn’t let me. I freaked out and they wouldn’t let me board.
I went home with her. My best friend whispered to me “don’t let her do this,” but I couldn’t live with the terror of her killing herself.
I never went to college.
Back story: My dad gave up his rights to me when I was a baby, but my grandparents still fought to have a relationship with me. My mom and her parents hated them and limited me to seeing them once a year for 1 day, while I stayed with my other grandma for about 3 months each year for the summer.
High school graduation: Both sets of my grandparents were invited. I had been accepted to a university and my mom’s mom had told me she would pay for me to go. That was…until I wanted to spend time with my other grandparents visiting. Right before I left to head to my ceremony, she told me that since I don’t love her as much as the other grandparents, she wasn’t going to pay for my college after all. She also refused to go to the ceremony.
Flash forward to college graduation. I’ll admit that I made some poor choices at that time, as I was very poor. I was arrested for shoplifting with a friend. I didn’t know anyone I could talk to about it, so I told my mom. She asked me if I had told my dad’s parents. I told her no because I didn’t want my grandparents getting upset over it. Keep in mind that my mom NEVER talked to them unless it was to bitch about them giving me presents or something.
So, I get a call about an hour later from my grandpa. My grandma was sobbing in the background and he handed me to her. My mom had called her simply to tell her that I had been arrested and that I didn’t want to tell them. I was livid and publicly roasted my mom over social media. She demanded a public apology or she wouldn’t come to my college graduation. I refused and thus she did not come.
That was the first move I ever made in direct defiance of her behavior. Letting your narcissistic relatives be miserable alone is the perfect way to handle them.
High school graduation – my nm made the entire day about herself, from the moment we woke up until we went to bed. She kept complaining about everything in existence and making everyone else miserable. It was raining that morning and she made a big deal about how she didn’t want to drive in the rain. I said “that’s okay, I’ll drive.” The entire way, she kept complaining that I wasn’t experienced enough to drive on the highway, even though I was trying to drive extra carefully due to rain and limited visibility. Then she kept complaining about the color of my cap and gown, that it “wasn’t my color” and that I “looked ridiculous.” Then she sent me exactly 22 text messages during the ceremony complaining about being bored and that there were too many of us graduating. Then she was upset about my principal hugging me because apparently it was unprofessional and I was embarrassing her. Pretty much the entire day was like that.
Same thing with just about every birthday. She always had to make a fuss either day before or the day of and make everyone cater to what she wanted.
Basic training graduation – I feel like she was determined to mess with me. This grown woman was acting like an immature third grader to the point where other people noticed and commented on it. Instead of tapping me out, she tried to pull my name plate off. Then she tried to mock one of my drill sergeants obnoxiously loudly. Then she kept trying to photobomb other people’s pictures. By the time she left, I wanted to find a ditch and hide in it until the end of time!
My mom complimented the obstetrician on her stitch work while sewing up my wife post-episiotomy! That’s not even that bad compared to her usual shenanigans, but that story will forever crack me up and horrify my wife. Who says that?!
My body recovered back to a more healthy weight after I dealt with anorexia for years and I was able to leave the hospital for good. When they picked me up they berated the nurses for shoveling food into me “so I was perfectly huge for slaughter like a cow” or something like that.
They complained about having to get me new clothes in the women’s section instead of the children’s and constantly made remarks about how I looked so much better before and how I ruined all my chances of getting with boys or being popular or rich “just for the sake of being lazy and selfish”. They disregarded my meal plan and my mother became an almond mom, ifykyk, and my dad pushed me to go to the gym or go for a run when I was still on half bed rest or when I was trying to catch up from the school work I missed.
My mother complained more about her own body and my dad began working out daily and would be in a terrible mood if he didn’t get to. They urged me to go back into my unhealthy habits. To make matters worse, everyone in school suddenly stopped being nice and I lost all of my friends and my health teacher who noticed my ED in the first place pretended I didn’t exist. I was so angry, I never wanted to go get treatment in the first place, it was against my will, and it was my moms initial fucking wish because I was very ugly to her then too. My dad still holds how much money it cost for my treatment against me. He says I might as well had cancer and died. I was content dying in my sleep in my own bed by starvation like I would have, for the record. I didn’t ask for help at all.
Narcissists have to be the absolute worst people to be around when you have your own mental health issues. Or any health issues, really. I’d rather go back and be in a literal psych ward with dangerous people.
Damn, this one is spot on. Berated me when I got engaged (I refused her command to propose in front of them and texted rather than call (very late) the night we got engaged). Guilt-tripped me for “making them worry” on the day of my daughter’s birth; that was literally the first thing she said (I had texted updates from the operating table while my wife was still cut open in front of me, and from the recovery room after, but dared to then rest for a few hours for the first time in like two days before calling). Took good news of my son get into a great school, and me getting promoted at work, and made it all about how I didn’t tell them soon enough (because I’m so “secretive”) and I had better have gotten a raise (she never had a career). Guilted me for pursuing a great career and dream of living in my favorite city because it’s “far.” The list goes on.
In my dad’s speech at my wedding he mentioned they were shocked that my husband stuck up for me once because my mom and I were “having a typical mother-daughter fight”.
Wanna know what the mother-daughter fight was about? Their dog was sprinting around the house and she kicked up the rug and it was curled on the corner. That drove my mom nuts and she asked me to fix it. I did and then the dog did it again. She starts SCREAMING at me for not listening and I was just zoning it out. That’s when my now husband stepped in and said hey she did it when you asked and then the dog did it again…
My mom ruined my baby shower by announcing her engagement, then my wedding by walking out during the toast.
Baby was past due, so Nmom arrived on schedule but before the birth. I had to be induced, and she never asked if we wanted her to stay and never left the room. It was 33 years ago, and I still regret not asking the nurses to kick her out. My spineless ex was no help. She did the whole main character syndrome thing of standing there with tears pouring down her face while I was trying to push. It literally sapped my energy. Then I thought when they decided I needed a c-section that she’d bow out. Nope, gowned up and in the operating room alongside my ex. It never occurred to her that she wasn’t a prized addition to the proceedings. I fucking hate her for it still.
Chapter two: that baby graduates from college. Except then it was both parents who behaved horrifically.
In 8th grade I won a handful of awards at the end of year award ceremony, for academics. As we were leaving the ceremony my mom lamented about how much I had embarrassed her, and how she hated being “that mom” whose kid got all the awards.
My mother showed up to my wedding AFTER the ceremony, in white
My Nfather, whom I was NC for well over a year showed up at my wedding uninvited. And demanded to walk me down the aisle. I had already planned for my Grandpa to walk me down. If it weren’t for my Grandpa there would been a scene. And then on top of that, when everyone is supposed to sit, he stayed standing the whole time!
I didnt know he stood (he was behind me) until I saw the pics. I was and STILL so livid!
And then when I was pregnant and my husband was on deployment he told me at Thanksgiving “How’s it feels to be dumped while pregnant?”. I said what? “Where’s your husband? Hes not here.”
Um…hes on deployment, you know this
“Nah, hes left you. Hes not coming back”.
That was the last straw. That was a decade ago.
At my wedding taking photos I had to yell to get my dad’s attention to get into a photo. Everyone was waiting on him. He came over, photo taken, we all moved on. About an hour later I was inside chatting with guests and he came up to me in front of the group and pointed his finger at me and said “don’t you ever embarrass me like that again, don’t you ever treat me like that again” I cried, makeup ruined. Thanks 🙄 great memory.
My ex MIL told me my week old daughter died because I cut my hair. Plot twist, her son unalived our child.
My extended family was leaving my wedding, and I was pushing my mom’s wheelchair. I don’t think she realized it was me and she said to my uncle “Well, I never thought we’d see the day.”
Nmom refused to go to my high school graduation because my father would be there. She also made a child cry during my college valedictorian speech, then got mad when we took her home instead of out to a bar. She made my wedding all about the party she wanted to throw, but refused to do any of the work or pay for it. She made my father’s death all about her, and how much she loved him. They had been separated for 30+ years at that point and it wasn’t an amicable split.
Wedding. My Nfather made me cry saying how I am selfish that I didn’t let him take my mom and me to get our hair done (he literally would be sitting and waiting for hours) because I needed someone to sign for the flowers last minute at my venue.
Wedding shower. My Nfather told my in-laws who were generous enough to pay off a student loan of mine (I pay back monthly to them w/o interest) that I am materialistic and can’t manage my money. I called him out on it and he said my now husband’s grandmother was a liar or must have misheard him
Birthdays. Once I turned 14 (my mother got pregnant at 14 w/ my brother), he started saying “Happy birthday, you beat your mom, she had a baby by now.”
There are tons more but those stuck out to me
(I’m almost embarrassed to post these because they showcase just how many times I had to get burned before I learned to quit sticking my hand into the fire.)
-highschool awards ceremony (9, 10, & 11 grades): the whole way home Ndad grilled me on every single other person who won an award and asked why I didn’t get those awards (in addition to the stack that I did receive.) Many awards were specific to activities of which I was not a participant. Did not acknowledge any of the awards I received.
-senior year awards ceremony: I pushed myself to participate in EVERYTHING, won ALL the awards, Ndad decided not to attend the ceremony.
-highschool graduation: Ndad grilled me the whole way home about each person who received a scholarship and asked why I did not receive those scholarships. No card, no graduation party, no acknowledgement of graduating third in my class.
-wedding: asked Ndad to walk me down the aisle. Told me he didn’t feel like attending.
-college graduation: (I was married by this point). Graduated with honors. Asked to go to an inexpensive chain restaurant after graduation to celebrate (literally Logan’s.) Ndad insisted that we all go to cheaper buffet (Golden Corral.) I told him that my husband and I were going to eat where I wanted and we would pay for ourselves, he didn’t have to come. Whole family came to steakhouse, NDad sat outside the entire time ON A BENCH and refused to come in or eat anything.
-sister’s college graduation several years later: whole family went to restaurant of her choice, Ndad paid for everyone, looked at me during dinner and said, “I wish we could have had this experience when YOU graduated.”
-when I found out I was pregnant: my husband and I wanted to tell my parents in person, called and asked if they would be home, both said yes. We got there 10 minutes later, Ndad had gotten impatient and left. Told my mom, she insisted on calling Ndad to tell him. Husband and I figured we could still at least salvage the day by driving 5 minutes to my grandparents’ and telling them in person. Arrived to find that Ndad had immediately called and informed the entire family of my pregnancy in the 5 minutes it took us to drive over.
-first ultrasound: scheduled my first pregnancy ultrasound for the day after Mother’s Day. Asked my mom if she wanted to come along as a special mother/daughter treat. She invited my Ndad without asking me, he insisted on driving, drove a different route than I was familiar with, got lost, and yelled at me for not knowing how to get to my doctor’s office from that point. I arrived hysterical and my Doctor didn’t let anyone come into the room with me for the ultrasound except my husband because my parents were very obviously the source of my distress.
Which time? There are so many to pick from! 🤣