i’m 18f, my boyfriend 18m and we have been dating for 4 months almost. he’s done NOTHING wrong, it’s just me not being ready and wanting the same things as him
i know it’s best to end things in person but the problem is i don’t have a car/license (he does tho) and i don’t want to do it in a public setting. idk where to break up with him. i was thinking probably either at the library (in his car) that’s next to his house/my work since we usually sit in his car at parking lots to yap at. i could have my mom waiting on me for after we talk but i don’t wanna seem like i premeditated to just break up and leave (which is NOT my plan- the plan is to talk and break up for however long we need and then leave the parking lot)
im so scared, this is my first ever relationship. i also don’t wanna be friends after this cause i feel it would be too awkward
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Lmao 4 months…you say…”this isn’t for me anymore. Thanks bye”. No need to talk it out. That’s it. Block on everything. And getting your mom to drive is great. You can get outta there quicker
You know the situation better than we do so you might be able to predict his reaction to this. But this early in a new relationship and when it’s clear to you that you’re not a good match he may be feeling the same things you are. So you may be able to discuss this maturely and have him agree with you that you shouldn’t be together. Maybe don’t anticipate the worst. But given the options you cite it would seem that the library is your best bet. This way you can conclude things then just walk home. You also don’t have to talk for as long as he wants. He may try to convince you that what you know is wrong and you don’t owe it to him to sit there listening. There has to be finality to a breakup and you have to present yourself as confident in the decision. Otherwise you just end up in the “it’s complicated” phase where you’ll waste a lot of time and energy on something you know isn’t serving you well.
Just be honest. Tell him you aren’t ready and have realized you don’t want the same things. You do a disservice to him and yourself if you say anything but the truth. It’s only been four months so y’all will be okay.
You tell him exactly what you just wrote. In terms of where? In a place you feel safe, where you’ll be able to leave without him, and that is also not going to be traumatically embarrassing for him.
Let me say this loud and clear, since no one else will: if he’s done nothing wrong, then he deserves someone who isn’t using “I’m just not ready” as a soft excuse for emotional flakiness.
You’re not breaking up because you’re mismatched on values, or he disrespected you, or the relationship is toxic. You’re ending it because you’re unsure and scared. That’s fine — you’re young — but don’t paint this like it’s some noble, gut-wrenching choice. You’re ditching a good dude because you can’t figure yourself out, and instead of owning that with confidence and respect, you’re stress-planning how to make the breakup as emotionally convenient for you as possible.
Let me ask you something:
If he was planning a breakup, had his dad waiting in the car like a getaway driver, and was worried about “seeming premeditated,” would you not feel disrespected?
Because here’s what this feels like from his side:
You’re not being cruel — but you’re being selfishly cautious. You’re trying to control the fallout without offering him the same emotional courtesy you’re demanding for yourself.
He deserves someone who wants to show up, not someone who’s constantly dipping one foot out the door, looking for the safest exit.
And you know what? You don’t want to be friends after? Good. At least be honest about that. But don’t say it’s “too awkward” — say it’s because you’re not emotionally mature enough yet to handle post-breakup connection without guilt or confusion.
So yeah, break up with him. But don’t pretend you’re doing it out of deep internal clarity or respect. You’re doing it because you’re not ready — and that means he deserves someone who is.
I say just do it over text and then block him, nothing wrong with it. As a guy @24 I feel like that should happen to every guy at least once in their life, if he actually cares, he will be upset for a little while but will get over it, if he does not then he probably would be happier. I am glad the girls I dealt with when I was younger did this, looking back, it was fuel for me to accomplish my life goals, good job, living situation, own multiple cars, physically fit af. It made me think that “ I can be better without them” in his case I am sure he could do better, just send him a text or ghost him. It was just a 4 month relationship, its not that deep
Doing it in person is best. Doing it in person with someone you trust close by is even better. There’s nothing wrong with setting up a way for you to leave. The break up seeming premeditated isn’t your problem or something you need to worry about. Just be blunt say that it’s not working for you, don’t sugarcoat it. But if he asks why, please tell him why, so he at least gets his closure instead of being left hanging. Take some time to think of what you’re going to say and try to stick to the script. Once you’ve made up your mind, stick to it. Don’t go back on your decision it’ll hurt both parties.
Sweetheart, you’re brave to even ask. Cutting ties is hard but clear and straightforward communication is key. Be bold! Tell him it’s not meant to be, and part ways on good terms. (Wishing you strength, lovely.) I promise you’ll find the right one in time, just trust the universe.
Oh, that sinking feeling when you realize the road you’re walking down aingt leading to where you want to be. We’ve all been there when young love doesn’t last as long as we thought it would … mirroring the heartbreaking moment when Allie leaves Noah at the train station in ‘The Notebook’.