I (19M) and my boyfriend (18M) have been dating for a year and a half. Ever since we started dating, his moms has been passive-aggressive and she clearly just doesn’t like my presence. In December of 2024, this all came to a head, when my boyfriend asked her if she liked me and she went on a whole tangent about the things she doesn’t like about me. To mention a few, she says I don’t help enough, and when I do I ask the wrong questions (I helped her more during Christmas than my boyfriend did. While I was helping her in the kitchen, he was sitting playing cards). She said that I drain her, that I don’t suck up to her enough the way other partners do (I gave her a handmade gift for Christmas), that I’m not what she imagined for my boyfriend, and finally that I’m not a “real man” (for context, I’m trans (FtM)). Lately, they’ve been moving houses and I’ve been doing my best to help. I’m just trying to figure out what else I can do to make her like me. Any advice?
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I’m afraid you are likely never to win MIL over. Be civil when you are in her presence and pull back.
You can’t. She’s made up her mind. Just kill her with kindness when you do have to see her. That’s my only advice
Stop trying so hard. You’re never going to win her over. :/ I hope your bf is standing up for you my dude.
Let them! You can’t change them, so let them. You can’t control them, so let them. You just be you. And let them hang themselves with their own rope. 😉
That, my dear, is what we like to call a future monster in law. You will never be enough for that woman. Don’t try to be. Be civil and respectful. Don’t take her shit. Stand your ground, or she will run all over you. Sorry you got one of those. They super suck.
There’s nothing you can do to get her to “like” you. This has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you as a person. This has everything to do with her. She probably wouldn’t like anyone her son dated. You don’t have to be “man enough” whatever that’s supposed to even mean. Some people are just hateful and it sounds like she’s one of them. Stop trying, you’re perfect the way you are. Nothing you do can make her happy since she’s determined to be miserable. Focus on yourself and your relationship and don’t be afraid to pull back from this toxic person.
It’s up to BF to keep his mom in her lane.
Just be yourself and be confident in who you are. Have the attitude that if she doesn’t like it, it is her problem. But not in a rude way, your mindset. In my experience, our parents are not good at selecting our partners. If your partner is happy with you then be confident in that.