For context, I had a baby 5 months ago. I feel crazy lately because of all the hormones and due to that I often get overwhelmed and cry. Sometimes when my partner asks me a question I can answer in a tone that isn’t the nicest but I have never yelled at him. The only times I have actually been “mean” to him is when he is getting frustrated with our son. He has told me that he feels so upset with our son that he wants to hurt him but he remembers he can’t because he’s a baby. Due to that once like was upset and I told him to “give me the fing baby” because I didn’t trust him to not do something. He’s never done anything before but knowing how he said he feels sometimes I wanted to take the baby back just incase. He’s constantly getting upset at our son though (in my opinion he’s getting upset too quickly) He’s yelled at our son. I hate yelling and it triggers me due to my past. Just last night (when playing a video game that I hate due to him not being able to stop it) he was holding my son and he was thrashing around and his nails cut my husbands back some. He was getting so upset because he “can’t stop the game bc it’s live and the people playing with him would be abandoned if he stopped” but at the same time it was 7 at night and I needed to make dinner but I can’t do that while holding my son. It makes me feel like my husband cares more about the players feelings than mine and my sons. My son deserves attention from his father. He has snapped and yelled at me twice which triggers me and sends me into a panic attack because of my past with my parents. He knows that it triggers me. The last time he snapped my son had woken up screaming at 11pm and I thought I heard him putting my son in his swing to which I said don’t put him in there as he needs comfort not put down to scream by himself. Then he yelled back “I’m not putting him in the fing swing, Jesus Christ shut up!”. Then I started sobbing, my son fell asleep after nursing eventually and my husband went to sleep without so much as apologizing to me. The next day on his way home to work I mentioned the incident and he said sorry but that was it. He acted like I was making a big deal about it but it truly hurt me. Now that I’m overstimulated and sometimes am short and my tone isn’t the best he has a problem with it. He answers nice mostly but he said today that he can’t handle me talking to him like that anymore. And that I need to control my frustration. But I can’t I don’t know why but it’s making me very upset. I feel like what he is asking is unreasonable and I don’t even think I’m being that mean. Is my husband being unreasonable or am I?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
nevermind that yall are way too young to be parents but the guy says he wants to HURT your baby. girl you need to get yourself and the kid far away from this man
He said he thinks of hurting the baby??? You need to leave and go live with your parents. He is a danger and you and your child need to be safe.
Your husband needs counseling and parenting classes immediately. He is acting like an immature teenager, not a husband and father. He chose to have a baby way too young. He needs to step up to the plate.
To try to find parenting classes, call the hospital, the library, department of social services, your church. In person would be better, but you can also search youtube for “parenting a newborn.”
Please don’t try to do this alone. You can’t force your husband to grow up. He needs to do that work himself.
Early signs of abuse, get as far away from him as possible
Your baby is 5 months old…getting mad at a 5 month old to the point of saying he is thinking of hurting him? Girl. Run. As fast as you can.
It’s not ok.
Can you go to your parent’s house. He seems unreasonably angry. I would be terrified for yourself and the baby.
I have 3 years on you and even I know this isnt normal no matter how young you two are. Its not normal to threaten anything toward a 5 month old. There is absolutely nothing TO yell at in regards to what a baby under a literal year does. The only way to deal with this is getting out before things escalate.