I, 20F, and my boyfriend, 20M, are going through a bit of a rough patch. We’ve been together less than 6 months and this is my first ever relationship. I do really love him, but I have my own issues going on and I struggle to believe him when he says he loves me and only wants to be with me.
He hasn’t done anything major to cause this, it’s a combination of my own insecurities and a handful of small actions/poorly worded phrases from him (ex: still in contact with old FWBs, one of whom he didn’t even tell he had a girlfriend with after we were exclusive. He never cheated in that time, but she was the one who noticed he was different and she had to have that talk with him). He definitely does do and say things that make me insecure but a large part of it is also in my head. I don’t think he deserves to have a partner who can’t trust him and who’s constantly breaking down and needing reassurance. I also don’t think it’s healthy for either of us, with me constantly anxious and upset and him having to deal with my mood swings and breakdowns.
I tried to end things yesterday for both of our goods and he basically refused and said he’s not giving up on us. That just made me feel worse for hurting him. Should I let him go? I know we won’t be together forever so I feel like it’s easier to just leave now but he disagrees.
I don’t think I’m in a place where it’s fair to my partner to be in a relationship because of my insecurities. It’s just so hard to stay firm when he’s begging me to stay. Is this a healthy relationship for either of us?
Tl;dr: I don’t think my boyfriend and I are in a healthy relationship but I love him and don’t want to walk away from a good thing.