I’m 20 F dating a 20 M I’ll call Jake. I recently discovered he has a micro penis. I posted on r/vent and now I’m here to ask for advice. We’ve been together for seven months now. I thought he ddint want to have sex yet due to inexperience (im his first everything), and we discussed that eventually we’d have sex but wanted to take it slow. Personally im a very sexual person, and we made an agreement (because he has a low sex drive) that we’d take days where we just be physical. And that’s how this came to be.
Yesterday I found out he had a micro penis. We didn’t have sex, but it was smaller than my pinky, hard. And Reddit has been telling me either break up with him, do a three way (no thanks), or toys galore. Sex is very important to me and I’ve been thinking about this all night and day wondering what to do. I don’t want to break up with him, but he’s conservative and I know he’d feel strange about toys. But how do I tell him his dick is too small to even get past my lips (I’m a fat girl), I know that sounds mean but genuinely I’m not sure how to approach this. Right now I’m just grieving, I was so excited to explore that with him but now we’ll have to figure out something else. I’ve had a lot of sexual partners and I was so happy to finally have sex with someone I genuinely loved.
I’m young, I could break up with him but it’s more complicated than just breaking it off. I love him, which I know isn’t exactly logical when it’s coming to compatibility but I’m willing to see if we can make it work. It took me what three years of dating to finally find someone who just gets me, and I get them. And if not, then I’ll call it quits.
How do I approach this with him? How do I tell him sex is an integral part of my life? That we need to find a solution to this or we may just not work out?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If you can’t talk to him about this, your relationship has a very weak foundation. Communication is key. You either discuss it or you leave. He may or may not be willing to play with toys to see if that is enough for you. You won’t know if you don’t talk and he knows that he has a micro. Hard discussions are part of any relationship.
I would tell him we absolutely must frankly, openly, and supportively find a way to make our sex life work. That includes ALL the things and activities. Yes, that means toys, enthusiastically.
If he refuses, that’s okay but then you’ll know this just isn’t a compatible relationship.
Smaller than your pinky😭girl im so sorry idk how to help you with that one. Seems like it wont go anywhere, you are hyper sexual and he is not and conservative so wouldnt even be able to please you via toy☹️no helping this one
He’s conservative and wouldn’t be jazzed on toys…? Sorry, buckaroo. You have a micropenis. That would be like an amputee not wanting a prosthetic limb. Who are you trying to impress, cause it isn’t a woman!
I could date someone with a micropenis, but not if they were gonna be like “And also, penetrating you with a dildo because you like that sensation? Hard pass.”
A penis and or toys are not required for great sex. Maybe most of his loss of desire is because he worries about what he has and his performance. Show him that it’s not an issue and things should improve. There will be a bit of work to make things work but there is no reason why it couldn’t.
There isn’t anything he can do about his penis and he knows this. YOu don’t have to discuss it with him. However, together, you can look up ways to be intimate. He has fingers and a tongue.
That must be soo shit. Having a micro penis and all but atleast you seem to be willing to work through it if i had a micro penis id appreciate my girlfriend willing to work through it and id just use the toys or some shit if i really cared about her pleasure this is the best way.
He’s probably extremely fucked up about it. Maybe his conservatism and low sex drive are just symptoms of existing with this thing he has known would be a huge problem. It’s on you to decide if you want to be the first person to hold his hand through what is probably a big tangle of issues centering on this anatomical issue, and that would need to be after some enthusiastic willingness on his part to learn to use other tools. If he won’t do that then he’s in for a bad, bad time and you should bounce.
Everyone here giving in depth (or lack of) advice. You don’t as it’ll still remain small. Either you deal with it or break up
You don’t have to have penile vaginal penetrative sex to have enjoyable sex.
There are many different things you can do.
Perhaps set a night a side. Make it fun. If you don’t know what to do buy some fun time dice that have different positions and such and just play with each other. Find out what you both find enjoyable.
Sex is an important part of a relationship and you both have to be open about how you value it to ensure you’re on the same page.
It doesn’t have to be about the size of his penis per-say but about the willingness to please your partner.
Many men, with penises of all sizes use toys with their partners. It’s not about being unable to please your partner, it’s about intimacy and having a good time.
If you build up your confidence in your relationship and have a good time doing other intimate activities it should hopefully reflect in the bedroom.
Get him to go down and you and finger you
I mean if you love him like you say you do, you wouldn’t mind not having traditional sex because having him in your life and having a relationship with him are the most important things to you (or rather it should be …) if it seriously is that integral to your life to the point that you cant live without it even though they seem like a great partner otherwise then I would break up since it would prove that you’re not compatible at all
I’m sorry, hon. I was once where you are today. The guy was an absolute sweetheart and everything. I had no complaints except that he seemed very nonsexual whereas I am. He also didn’t warn me when we first got to taking our clothes off and try as I may, I doubt I concealed my shock as well as I hope I did.
Anyway, that was our first and last attempt at actual sex. He ended up moving to another state and I took that opportunity to go our separate ways. I lucked out, so I can’t give you a script on how to break up with the guy.
I 100% empathize with both of you, but the truth is, you have to find a partner who is also sexually compatible with you, emotionally and physically. You describe yourself as having a much higher drive than he has. Regardless of his size, that was already a major obstacle. If you’re correct and he balks at using anything else, toys included, to help you get off, then it is simply a dealbreaker. You will soon find yourself sexually frustrated and resentful.
Love cannot conquer all, unfortunately, and he has a hard road in front of him. But it is not on you to sacrifice your sexual satisfaction for a partner who is mismatched on several levels. You can try, I suppose, and he may surprise you on being way more enthusiastic about sexual exploration than you have assumed, but that requires you sitting down and talking with him.
It is important to note that in any sexual relationship, the partners need to be able to communicate comfortably. If a potential partner is unable or unwilling to participate in a frank conversation about the sexual aspect of a relationship, then you shouldn’t be having sex with them.
Lol
Unfortunately his condition doesn’t have a solution. He will never be 3 inches to make it work. You might love him but you will have to decide to have a healthy sexual life with a person with micropenis or to move on. It’s one of two. I know conservative guys that will do everything they can to make the woman they love happy, so I think you saying he is conservative is because you are scared of having a tough conversation, so I will recommend you to learn to have tough conversations because that is part of life. I wish u luck.
I said it in your other thread but I guarantee this is a dude with a micropenis/humiliation kink thing doing a bit of fanfic.
I don’t think people should be in long term commited relationships until mid twenties or later
That said there are many internet sites that discuss having sex with a micropenis. You can still have a rewarding sex life including penetrative sex. A doctor, maybe a urologist, can help. Vacuum pumps, testosterone treatments, or implants may help. Do not think of this as last lover you will ever have. May not be person you stay with long term. Take opportunities to explore and try new things. Enjoy this time of your life and don’t take things so seriously.
He likely doesn’t want toys as with his inexperience, his only reference may be porn which is all male centered where women don’t need toys, all they need is dick, so the idea of a woman needing toys with him but not with them probably just stings for him despite it being unrealistic… but women still like using toys even with dudes who have big dicks (the pleasure gap is real) and he might honestly just not even realize how normal it is.
He’s only 20 and the wound is still pretty fresh.
He has obvs been living with shame around this and unfortunately he has to find a way through that but I wish you guys luck.
Just use it like a clit teaser…
And be allowed to go find a nice full penis if you both agree
Maybe the tunnel is to big for the train 🤷♂️