Hi there, i’m getting crazy stressed out. my bf (30m) is meeting my (21f) family tomorrow. i’m sick to my stomach scared for a few reasons. number one being the age gap. we’ve been dating for a little over a year now and my parents know he’s older than me and my brother and sister know he’s older than me and are actually friends with him.
the second reason being the biggest thing in the whole world. he’s got a criminal record. when he was younger someone in his family accused him of some pretty bad stuff that was crazy twisted from reality. my family is a huge police family and will not listen to anything i have to say for him or he has to say for himself. i’ve spoken to his family and everyone involved and they all have receipts i guess you would say. proof that he’s not guilty of the crime he was accused of.
the third and final reason is that i don’t actually know how long we’re going to continue to be together. i’m starting to realize that we want different things for the future. he said something in passing about starting to look at rings after he meets my parents. i don’t want to get married yet. not for multiple years but that’s something he’s ready for and im not sure how to bring that up or if i even should bring it up before tomorrow.
if anyone knows how to navigate a situation like this i could use some help😅
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Well, the last reason is why I think you shouldn’t take him to meet his parents. Let’s just pretend the age gap doesn’t exist (which btw, 20 and 30 is too big imo), and he really is 100% innocent of any crime, you don’t want to marry while he does. Does he know this? If he doesn’t, tell him. If he wants marriage, break up so he doesn’t waste any more time.
Sounds like you’re just in different places in life. Nothing wrong with that. Break up and find someone new when you’re ready.
I have a 21 year old daughter. This would not go over well with me at all.
What proof does his family have that is stronger than his criminal record? If they have that proof, why does he have a criminal record? Like I’m sorry but there is no logical explanation for what you’re saying here.
Someday you will see this: no normal 30 year old takes a 21 year old seriously. He cannot get women his age. He needs naive girls who don’t know enough. Period. When you’re 30 and you come across 21 year old guys, you’re going to be skeeved out.
Why would you introduce him to your parents if he wants to get married soon and you don’t, not for multiple years?
Call him and tell him that you’re thinking about what he said regarding “looking for a ring after he meets your parents”. Tell him that he shouldn’t do that. Explain that you won’t be ready to be engaged for multiple years, and that you think that you’re in different stages of your life (which, by the way, is normal because of the age gap considering that you’re just entering adulthood). Tell him that you’d rather talk about that more with him alone before he meets your parents.
You could break up with him and simply not. He is 10 years older than you, in a predictably totally different stage of life, and I’m sorry, it would be hard to convince me of someone with a history like that. That you don’t even say what it was or if he was charged or actually convicted, says a lot. I also wouldn’t care if his family say it wasn’t true; families cover up truly horrific things all the time.
Break up and don’t date people 10 years older than you when you’re in your early 20s. Seriously.
Why introduce him to family. Skip it sister. You’ll mess a big time.